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I think good memories last a lot longer. I have bad memories of all of my exes, but to be honest I’m not mad or upset about any of them. I only really think about the good ones now, and I think in general that’s what happens. Time is an amazing thing!
I think wait til the following week Soupy. She might be too emotional to see the gesture in a good way if you send them too soon. The week after next should be a good time! She will really appreciate it I’m sure. It’s nice just to know someone is thinking of you.
One way is to keep an elastic band on your wrist. If you start thinking about memories that make you upset, snap the band and start thinking about something else. It’s like conditioning you to think positively. Weirdly it actually sometimes works.
Amy, you are not stupid at all! They’re just trying to protect you. I haven’t told any of my friends about what’s going on with my ex because I know they would tell me to give up and move on. It’s so easy to give out advice when it’s not your own heart. Just let them know you’re okay and do whatever you need to do yourself. 🙂
It sounds like you’re not expecting a response anyway, so there’s no harm in reaching out with a simply happy birthday message. I doubt you’ll be too upset if he doesn’t respond because I think you know he wont. If anything, you might be pleasantly surprised!
I think flowers are a really nice gift. They show you care but they’re not too expensive. It’s a good idea. 🙂
Ahh okay, do you think emotions make him a bit uncomfortable? My ex is a bit like that. He often shuts off when high emotions are involved, and it means he can’t react and interact properly. It’s very annoying haha.
Oh awesome, maybe start tomorrow then and see how it goes for a couple of weeks! I agree, it’s so much easier to focus when you actually have a plan, right? Especially when it’s short term, because the end is in sight and it looks achievable.
So make a list of some little things you can tell him about, or favours you can do for him, and space them out accordingly to your relationship. Sort of however many times you text him during the week, don’t go overboard.
I’m alright. 🙂 I’m focusing on myself right now to be honest. I’ve spoken to a fair few guys on dating apps but nothing special has come along. I’ve been on a few dates but no second dates! I haven’t really been single properly for about 5 years because I moved from relationships very quickly, so it is probably healthy for me to just focus on work and friends. I still love my ex, but I’m playing the long game.
Palmtrees, the emotions turned him off? That seems like an odd thing for him to say! It’s definitely mixed signals, but it sounds like he’s also being honest with you in a weird way.
I think you should do this tactic that I’ve read about. be there for him as a friend, and for a week or so, do a few nice things for him. I’m not talking big things, just suggest a movie he might like, or get some photos printed for him, or tell him that there’s a good club night that you think he’ll enjoy. Contact him with something friendly, and a nice gesture, every other day for 2 weeks. Then, completely stop contact for a week. If he starts contacting you a lot once you pull away, you’ll know he’s starting to want you again. If he doesn’t contact you, then you know he’s ungrateful and you can start to work through the process of moving on.
It sounds like a weird thing to do, but it’ll also be good for you because you’ll find out if you actually like doing things for him and being nice to him! If you don’t…well… there’s your answer.
Catherine, she sounds awful. She’s just a mean girl and she obviously bigs up her own self esteem by trying to make everyone else feel bad. She probably isn’t very confident and so uses other girls’ relationships to make herself feel better by making them jealous. Very childish and you’re better off ignoring her! Don’t look at her or spend any time worrying about her. It’ll make her lose interest if you act like you don’t care, I guarantee it.
I agree I’m glad I’m not in school! It sounds so so complex with all the social media out there now.
So annoying when you’ve had a good evening and then all the bad thoughts come back when you’re alone, isn’t it?
I recommend reading. I find it more encapsulating than simply watching Netflix or whatever.
Yeah I understand. It sounds harsh but there is literally nothing you can do about it at the minute. If he meets someone, so be it. You have no control over that.
All you can do is look absolutely AH-MAZING the next time you see him (which you defs will!) and have loads going on in your life. I guarantee when you look super hot, are really confident and you show him you don’t need him, he will look at whoever he’s with and think “what am I doing?!”
That’s all you can control and you should focus on that for sure. Don’t worry yourself about what he’s getting up to. No matter how much you obsess over it you can’t change his actions, so why make yourself feel worse? I’m saying this a lot for my own benefit as well haha. I’m still finding myself worrying about whether my ex has found someone else. When I really think about it though, it’s unlikely, because of all the reasons we’ve covered. The mind plays some cruel tricks sometimes.
Thing are okay with me overall. It’s about 2.5 months since the break up and about 1 month since our last contact. He’s not super active on social media and I’ve unfollowed him on most things anyway so I’m not sure what he’s up to. I’m going to reach out to him at some point, just not yet.
I’ve gone on a few dates since the break up, with mixed results haha. Every time though I’ve had a good time, regardless of whether I fancy them or not. I find it a really good distraction to get your ex out of your mind for a few hours. Kinda like a pallet cleanser!
Amy, it’s funny you say that about your ex’s friend breaking up with his girlfriend too. I bet that’s got a lot to do with your ex wanting to be single. Also, there will be this kind of macho competition between them right now, trying to out do each other. Out-single each other if you will! So adding to the post break up competition, you have this one as well. that’s just going to make them behave even worse in my opinion. So I wouldn’t take anything you see too seriously. Well done for blocking!
He is definitely super immature and I think this time instead of just wishing for him to come back, you should really weigh up whether you want to be with a guy like this. I really think you are worth so much more and you will easily find someone who appreciates you. Did you say he never said he loved you?! That’s insane!
Of course, none of this has any impact on how much you love him right? It’s so annoying isn’t it, your friends and family can all say how much better off you are, but in your heart you know that all you want is him back.
Catherine, that’s probably all you can do right now. He can’t avoid you forever!
You have to remember a few things.
1) He was clearly checking up on you when he tried to follow you. Whatever his intentions were, he was curious and wanted to see what you’d been up to. It was probably a moment of weakness and he didn’t want to be seen doing it so he removed the request. You were on his mind and this is a positive thing if it’s what you want!
2) News travels fast, especially in schools, so I doubt he and this girl are any more than friends. I put profile pictures of me with my male friends all the time. They are half of our species after all!
3) Even if they are dating, he’s probably not as into it than he thinks and the profile pic change is all an act. You can’t move on that quickly.
4) Just keep doing what you’re doing and don’t let this send you backwards. You’re great with or without him in your life!
How has school been since you went back?
Wait what? He send you a follow request then cancelled it and blocked you?
You were on his mind then!
I’m really glad we have this forum. I think it has helped so much with the process and I always feel so much better getting your guys’ opinions! It also helps to give advice too I think, because it gives you a different perspective. So thanks for being there everyone 🙂 🙂 Ups and downs!
Catherine, that sucks. Try not to freak out though! I really doubt it was deliberate, and if it was, he’s a nasty piece of work! I’m always losing numbers so I wouldn’t worry about it, he probably just didn’t re-save your number because you haven’t been in contact for a while. Did you end up responding? I think either way is fine. He will probably have ways of working it out too… so he’ll find out it was you regardless of whether you respond. Let us know what you chose to do.
Amy, that’s not nice of him at all. Was it a snapchat story or was it directly to you? It’s quite insensitive either way but if it was direct to you that’s just plain cruel. You’re not on bad terms so I wonder how he would respond if you didn’t send him birthday wishes? It might just look a little petty. But then again, it might look like you’re too busy to remember! He said he wanted no contact, so maybe you should go full on and just not send him anything on his birthday. He will definitely wonder why. Also if he gets mad about it, that’s his problem.
Yes that’s true Mister Handy, I have to keep in mind how much he’s trying to avoid having me in his thoughts.
Thank you Palmtrees, that helped a lot 🙂
That’s exactly the mindset I want to have, and to be honest I do have it sometimes. Just the last couple of days have been hard. But I think you’re right that I’ll come out the other side even further.
I think we’re all going through the ups and the downs!
FishingTheSky, I hadn’t thought about it that way! But that makes total sense, and I actually feel a little better thank you 🙂
Okay Catherine as long as you feel okay with that! Good luck and I hope he responds. If he doesn’t, at least you know you’re the more thoughtful person and someone is going to love that about you!
