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Hey SH,
Your story is so familiar, but you sound really mature in how you want to handle things from here on out.
I think you actually have a good chance here, because you already realise what mistakes you were making in the relationship and you want to fix them before you give it another go. NC is a great idea, because it will give you both the space you need. It will be hard, but in the long run it will be worth it.
It’s weird because when a break up happens we can so easily blame ourselves, like you are, but to be honest break ups are never just one persons fault. I bet she is at fault too, and she will come to realise this in the NC period too. It’s a great opportunity to grow yourselves and then come back together if you are both healed and you think you can make it work.
Did you speak before you started NC? I really hope it works for you!
Hey Catherine,
I’m well. I’m on day 10 of NC now and although it’s still hard, I’m no longer feeling he urge to contact my ex all the time. I miss him very much but I now know that distance is the best thing.
Every day it hurts a little bit less, which is reassuring!
I’m starting to see a therapist and doing yoga, and focusing in myself right now. I still have hope for my relationship, but each day that hope is turning into a more realistic expectation where I might not get him back, and every day I’m a little more okay with that.
How are you doing?
Yeah I’m going to start dating, or at least looking. Nothing serious, just something to meet new people and feel good about!
Good advice! Any way of escaping is great, I need to fill up my kindle with new books!
Summer school sounds great. Good luck with that! I’m glad that you’re feeling better after 17 days. Gives me hope. 🙂
I couldn’t eat for about a week since he said he needed space. A week later he finished things and I’m only just getting my appetite back. It’s sad because I love food 🙁 I think I associated cooking and making nice meals with him, because it’s something we did together every weekend.
Luckily I’m sleeping better now too, and I’m not crying all the time (yay me…)
Cvelez, I didn’t realise you worked together, that must be really hard. Do you see him every day?
Yeah, everywhere there is something just waiting to remind you of a memory! Even if there isn’t, something will pop into your mind. The pain seems endless.
It’s super hard but you’re totally right. I’m having a really low day, and for some reason it all hit me again like a ton of bricks, but I know I’ll have better days, and so will you.
Yep. Know your worth! & keep strong. Come back to the board whenever you’re feeling weak. I know I do many times throughout the day, but I have to remind myself he won’t answer my messages anyway and it would all be for nothing!
Hmm yeah, when you’re happy in a relationship sometimes you don’t mind putting up with controlling aspects of a person because it feels normal. But deleting your social media is a dangerous sign, because ultimately it means he doesn’t trust you. Why did he ask you to do that? He sounds insecure, and if you pander to that, it makes everything worse. He probably left you because he doesn’t respect you, even though you were just trying to make him happy. 5 years is a long time though, I’m sorry that you’re going through this tough time.
I totally understand your anger! I’m going through that too. I stuck by him when was signed off from work for 2 months due to mental health, when he ultimately left his job and was unemployed for a long time, when he didn’t want to touch me for weeks at a time… and I always thought that it was worth it for when things would be better again. And yet he never seemed to appreciate any of this, and has made me feel like my behaviour is what ended our relationship.
There was a huge lack of communication, mostly because I don’t like to bring things up because it’ll sound like I’m nagging, and then lead to him feeling inadequate and then he’ll shut down. It’s all very frustrating.
It’s great that you’re putting yourself first. I’m trying to do that now too. Hopefully it’ll make everything so much clearer in a few weeks time. All I want right now is for him to come back, but that might change a lot in 30 days.
I’m going through the same thing. Almost exactly – I’m on day 6!
It’s so hard, especially when you’re at home alone.
All I can say is stay strong, read and re-read Kevin’s emails (they really help me)
As weird as it feels, NC is the only thing to do now and it is going to be the best thing for you both.
I’m completely heartbroken and my ex basically told me he doesn’t want to talk to me before I started NC, so I understand how you feel. But if either of us breaks NC now then you’ll just push your ex further away.
The space is needed for you both to remember what you love about each other. If you pester them all the time, they won;t be able to shake the person that they broke up with! You want them to remember how great you are.
Stay strong!!! And keep us updated.
I’m on day 5 no contact and feeling really low 🙁
Any advice from anyone going through the same thing?
Thank you. Good luck with your relationship! It sounds like everything was positive for you in the end. Let me know how it all goes!
Hey,
No, still very much the same. On day 3 now!
I’m moving out to a new flat tomorrow, and I’m keeping busy with searching for a new job, so staying positive! The emails are helping me with moving on already, so I’m confident that by day 30 I’ll be in a better place to decide whether I really want to chase after him or not.
Of course right now he’s all I want… but I have to be strong and not contact him because I know he wouldn’t respond to me anyway. 🙁
Very strange that after over a year suddenly we’re not compatible. I find it hard to believe, and I hope he realises his mistake.
SO all in all… OKAY. haha. How long have you been NC for? How’s it going?
Hi there,
Just read your story.. what a rollercoaster!
To be honest, she sounds very manipulative. That doesn’t mean she’s a bad person. If you love her she is probably wonderful really, and she probably can’t help it.
It sounds like she has no idea what she wants, and that’s fine too.
The only way she will figure it out is if you cut her out for a proper NC period.
I know that’s hard, and it sounds counter-intuitive, but if you both take a step back and assesses your relationship, you’ll both be in a much better place in 30 days (or more) to make a decision about it.
Right now, you’re going around and around in circles and you’ll just end up hurting each other a LOT more than you need to.
Of course it would be great to work things out together, but sometimes things are so damaged that you both need to take a step back and work on yourselves.
So, my advice: Start NC now. No texts, no talking at work, no smoking together, pass on her requests to one of the other 8 guys you work with…. no phone calls… nothing.
For at least 30 days.
Then see how you feel. It’ll be hard but it’ll make everything so much clearer!
