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Nothing to report my end. To be honest I’ve been feeling a little low over the past couple of days and I’m not entirely sure why. It feels like a backwards step because I’m not doing so well at pushing him out of my mind. I think it might be something to do with him not saying happy birthday to me, which sounds ridiculous but a part of my thought he would say something. I guess it makes it feel even more like he is doing fine, whereas I’m completely cut up still. I dunno, I’m hoping it will pass!
Amy he will definitely realise it. In fact he probably already has, and that’s why he’s distanced himself. You deserve someone who appreciates all of the good things about you, not someone who wants to run from them!
Palmtrees, I’m glad you’re starting no contact again. You could easily have gotten wrapped up in trying to get him back and ended up even more heartbroken, so well done for being strong.
Such a tricky one. It’s totally your call Catherine.
I feel as though you’re leaning towards not texting him, and that’s absolutely fine. He is probably expecting one from you, and if you don’t send one it may leave him wondering why. I agree that sending one makes you the bigger and nicer person, but I doubt it will have any positive impact on him. He will probably just expect it and not respond and forget about it.
I think if I was in your shoes, and I was in the same place as you, I probably wouldn’t send one until I was ready for contact completely.
You did the right thing. I hope you’re okay!! Treat yourself this weekend. Go to a spa or something 🙂
Hey Palmtrees,
Wow, well done for being strong. It sounds like you had an emotional discussion, and it also sounds like it’s what you needed. There’s nothing worse than being in limbo.
I’m sorry things didn’t go as well as they could have 🙁 but you’ve learned a lot about what you want and what you’re willing to put up with. He will respect that in you.
Good idea starting no contact again. I think you’ll get a lot out of it!
Breeeeeeeeeathe!
It’s very frustrating dealing with an ex, I feel you. But if you think this could be what you want, work through it. You don’t want to do something rash now that you might regret later. Just go with it and don’t reach out for a while. Take some space and try not to get worked up about his uselessness.
I think you’re right, no contact is easier because your ex isn’t in the equation. Once you add someone else, you cannot predict how they will react, so it messes up any plans you had. You just have to be able to react to whatever they throw at you. So this is what he’s throwing at you! It’s all good, just take a step back and re-evaluate what you want.
Yes, exactly right! And that’s really good that you’re seeing it as negative and are thinking about him in a more negative way. That means you’ve made a lot of progress and you’re clearly not the same needy person from a few weeks ago. If we were all in the same mind-set, we would want our ex back even more if we knew they were with someone
else. But that’s not how you feel anymore and that’s great.Thank you! And yeesssss nice one! Survivor by Destiny’s Child 😀
Amy and Palmtrees you’re both right! I’m not going to read into it either way.
I went out on Saturday with friends and I’m taking the afternoon off work today to do something fun with my mum 🙂Ah Amy, I know it’s not much comfort, but it is just a “thing”! And there’s a reason it’s just a thing. There’s no way it’ll be anything other than a rebound and your ex will probably be fully aware of that. He’s just feeling lonely and wanting to fill the space of intimacy and closeness that you left behind.
To be honest, if someone had truly truly moved on, they wouldn’t have a thing with anyone so soon. They would be working on themselves and not focusing on rebounds. That’s my theory anyway.
That is a very strange thing to write on someone’s wall… Do you know the person? Sounds fake to be honest haha. Well done for blocking. It gets easier every day not seeing them all over your feed. It’s actually a really important part of the process I think, as Palmtrees said.
I also agree that your ex is going through a personal journey Soupy. It’s unlikely that you’ll be able to understand any of it while she’s pushed you away, but she may come back to you when she’s worked it all out.
How’s things going for everyone this weekend? It’s my birthday tomorrow, so it’ll be interesting to see whether my ex says hi or not. I doubt it to be honest, he can be fairly heartless, so let’s wait and see.
Palmtrees, it honestly just sounds like he is respecting your boundaries, which is great! He obviously wants to see you and speak to you, because he showed up to the party. I should think he agrees that you should take it slow, so he’s being mature about it and not jumping at every opportunity to contact you. I think it’ll be really great in the long run!
Amy, I have no idea how much it must suck to have known his family for so many years and being cut out of his life so suddenly. That must be super hard, and you’re dealing with it marvellously. 🙂 Soupy is right about the social media highs and lows, just make sure that if you are having a low day that you do something for yourself!
Soupy, how do you handle your ex coming in and out of your life like that? It sounds exhausting…
Yeah, I guess I just don’t want to come across petty? Or look like I’m doing it out of frustration or emotion, because that will make him think I’m unstable. I’ve unfollowed him so nothing pops up about him on my timeline. That’s not what I’m concerned about. I’m just wondering why he’d want me there at all. Probably the reasons you said!
That’s really great Catherine, you’ve come so far. 🙂 You’ve accepted what’s happened and you need to give yourself credit for that! It may feel a little scary when he’s out of your mind, but that doesn’t mean he’s forgotten. If anything, it just brings you closer to being ready to reach out to him. Only when you are sure that you’ll be happy whatever he says to you should you contact him.
Social media is cruel, so don’t let how you react to it affect your impression of your progress, because everyone feels the stabbing pain or a stomach flip when their ex’s name comes up. It’s just your adrenaline kicking in, and the more times you decide not to click on his name and investigate, the easier it will become.
Ugh I have those kinda dreams as well, sometimes they’re good and sometimes they’re bad. They can really screw with your head!
I have a question for everyone about Facebook. (I know, hear me out!) Why hasn’t my ex deleted me? It seems like an obvious question but I don’t understand why he doesn’t just remove me or block me. I haven’t contacted him since the first contact, so the only reason I can think of is that he’s still working through things and he hasn’t totally given up on me. Is there any sense in that? Obviously, he could just not care, but he’s the kind of person that cuts people out of his life fairly ruthlessly, so if he did want to leave forever I think he would have cut his losses and ignore me. Would be great to get your opinions!
People are incompatible for all kinds of different reasons, but their zodiac signs are not one of them. It’s fine for your friend to have their beliefs, but don’t let that cloud what you know and what you want to work on.
Such a good point Palmtrees! It’s a lot of work, and we can never forget that. That’s a hugely important part of no contact to, to work on yourself, and think about whether you actually want to put the work in to get your ex back.
Hi SH,
It’s good that you have been messaging a bit. However, I’d suggest leaving it a little longer before replying again. If it’s been 3 days now and she hasn’t responded, she probably isn’t sure why she sent you the picture in the first place. It’s good she’s contacting you but she is probably a little bit confused too.
So I’d say wait at least a week until you reach out again.
I think sadness and love are two different things. I think you can let go of sadness and stop missing somebody, but also still love them. I think in many cases the love only resurfaces when you get back in contact and see each other. It’s probably like a defence mechanism, where your brain stops making you suffer and helps you forget. Then when you see each other again, it all comes flooding back. I think our exes probably have this defence mechanism in overdrive right now. We obsess and overthink things, and try to remember the good things, where as they are trying extra hard to keep us out of their minds completely, and to stop missing us. It’s a completely different mindset. So they’re probably doing a lot better at avoiding thoughts about us and dwelling on the past. However, when you meet up again, I bet his defences will come way down and he won’t find it so easy.
