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Yeah that’s tough! So hard not to think that way. I think you’ll get to a good place where your mind isn’t racing around like that, it’ll probably just take you a little bit longer.
How weird… I wonder if he realises that? strange that it’s happened again and he feels the same as he did. Maybe it’s something he has to discover by himself… like he didn’t “find himself” last time and wants to try again. I have no idea!
That’s good – it’s important he sees that you’re going out and having fun and not moping about home on your own.
Nope not a word from him. He’s incredibly headstrong and stubborn so even if he did want to speak to me I reckon he still wouldn’t. That’s why there was absolutely no talking him out of his decision to break up once he’d made it. It’s weird how you can know someone so well and then they do something like that and it completely changes them in your mind.
I understand. My ex and I went to Africa together last year, and we had plans to go again this year. He’s very independent so I keep imagining him going alone, or even worse taking someone else. Rips my heart out to be honest.
I’m sorry that you’re scared. In a way it must be so much worse for you because you’ve been through this before. Some of us on here are doing NC for the first time and we don’t know at all what could happen, but that opens up the possibility of moving on. For you, that must seem like so much less of a possibility because you know that he could come back again. Just know that we’ll all be here with you along the way!
That’s good, just try and resist the urge to go on his page or look whether he’s online. I always look and I don’t even know why. If he’s online and he’s not talking to me, who is he talking to?! It drives you crazy.
I’m sorry to hear that 🙁
Are things really bad because it’s sinking in that he will be in a new environment for a long period of time without you? I guess it’s a natural reaction to think he will forget you, but I’m sure that won’t be true. You’ve been such a massive part of his life, he can’t just write you off because of a few weeks away.
It’s tough I know but also I think that if you’re patient enough, you’ll end up with him. If you don’t, then I honestly think he doesn’t deserve you and you’ll find someone twice as wonderful in no time.
But of course you want HIM right now and that’s no consolation. I bet he’ll realise that he misses you when he’s away, I really do
Maybe! Definitely just have to stand my ground and not message again until the timing is right.
Yeah, that’s a good idea. Any reason why you want to use that date in particular? Do you think he’ll probably reach out to you on your birthday?
I’ve given myself until the end of the year to try and get him back. If by then I have made no progress, it’s time to cut my losses forever.
Yeah it will be a long slog but also in a weird way it’s not that long. In your lifetime it’s a tiny amount. If you think you’ll be together forever afterwards then its definitely worth it!
It was this week, 3 days ago. Yeah, I’m trying to push away the idea that he’s not replying to me because he hates me! I figure that he would have unfriended or blocked me if that was the case (it was a fb message).
I think he’s hurting because I know the breakup wasn’t easy for him either. I’m going to give it at least another month before I reach out again. He needs to know I’ve changed, and he needs to think about what went wrong too.
I guess I thought it was just a good passing note to say that I’m okay, and I’m not angry and I hope he’s doing well. At least that way he knows I’m not resentful after a month of NC.
I’m fine. I was feeling good about myself and my 30 days of NC has been over for a while, so I sent my ex the ‘you were right to break up/ we both need space right now’ message. I didn’t write a letter because I don’t know where he’s living at the minute so I just sent him a message. He hasn’t replied though. Not sure if that’s a bad thing or not… if someone sent me that I think I would have at least replied to agree? I don’t know.
That’s what Kevin would call your ‘lizard brain talking’
Ie: the part of your brain that’s scared of change
But change is going to help you! 🙂Kiya is right Amy! Keep the control and he’ll know that he has no power over you. He won’t like that!
Ahh so you’re actually going to have to see him at school whatever happens? When do you go back?
I feel like if we’d been with guys that we knew were bad from the get-go, then things would be easier. If I had been with someone that I knew would screw me over eventually I would be able to get over it because I would have seen it coming.
But it sounds like your situation is like mine, where I literally thought he would never hurt me. We argued, sure. But we always got through it and made up and promised to listen to each other more. But now he’s torn himself away from me, and along with it all the things he ever said about how much I meant to him, what our future was, and how he’d never give up on me. Kind of a kick in the face. And pretty cruel actually.
That’s the most awful part, knowing what you want to say but they won’t listen! So annoying. I guess time is just what they need, and we should respect that if they’re worth the wait.
I’m 24 and he’s 28.
It sounds like you have more chance to be honest, because he knows that he wants space and why he wants it. Mine on the other hand seemed confused and all he knew was he wanted space from me. He stopped talking to me and then we broke up and haven’t spoken since. It’s frustrating knowing that you can fix something but knowing the other person may well have given up :/ Oh well. I suppose I’m hanging onto the fact that the space will be good for us both and we may end up together when we’re in better places.Yes you could do that. To be honest I think the best thing to say would be: “I’m going to change our relationship status on facebook because it’s giving me mixed messages still being there. Hope that’s okay.”
Because phrasing it that way means you are in control. If you ask him if he wants to chat about it, then you’re putting the ball in his court and he has the control.
Catherine,
I see no harm in texting him either way, because you’ve finished your no contact period. I think just play it by ear and if you feel like it on the day, then send a casual text.
It probably is a front. Nobody likes to admit it if they’re finding a breakup tough – especially those who initiated it.
Well he broke up with me about a month ago after he came back from a festival. He said that getting some distance had meant he’d seen us in a new light and realised all the bad things: arguments etc. I begged, promised to change, and all the rest of it, but he was very stubborn in his decision. He was giving me a lot of different reasons, and I really suspect he didn’t fully know why he wanted out, he just knew he wasn’t happy. He said he still loved me and still cared about me, but we were incompatible. Weirdly, when we were talking a couple of days before, he was saying that we should meet to sort it out – not break up. So it was a bit of a shock to see him u-turn like that. I asked him if he just needed distance for a month or so, but he told me that I should move on because he couldn’t ask me to wait for him, as it would be too damaging for me.
We haven’t spoken since then, it’s been hard because I’ve had so many things I’ve wanted to tell him. We still have each other on Facebook and Instagram, so I could contact him if I wanted to. I just have to be sure I’m ready for however he’ll react.
He definitely will miss you. People can have fun and do things and still miss someone. They’re not mutually exclusive 🙂
For example, we are both seeing our friends and having fun, but we still miss our exes. They probably feel the same!Yeah I was thinking that because I started NC the day after the breakup so it wasn’t really that long ago! I think he will definitely need more time, as do I.
