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@amy111 I would tell him happy birthday and continue on the no contact. Unless you both feel like you don’t need to. But waiting until around Christmas I think is a good idea too.
@Kiya92 Well we ened up not going on the double date due to very bad weather that night lol. But the guy I was supposed to go with texted me and was being flirty with me. It made me feel so horrible, it felt so wrong to talk to another guy, and to start all over with someone new too. All I could think about was my ex.I told him that I didn’t want to give him the wrong idea for now because I’m not ready to do anything with someone else. He completely understood and I found out he isn’t over his ex yet either. She left them for another guy.
I was going to contact my ex at 40 days but now I just feel like its not a good idea anymore. I know I have to a some point, I just know he isn’t going to want to have to do with me again.
@catherine8 thats very true, think I am going to say happy birthday and leave it. It was his graduation yesterday which I was meant to go to, found that really, really hard 🙁
@catherine8 and @kiya92 – I was also going to ask, I’ve been reading both of your previous comments in these…how have you found the past few weeks? I’m struggling with just after a week and already did this a year ago for 3 months 🙁Well the first week of course was the worst one because that’s when you don’t have your ex to talk to everyday. After 2 weeks I think I started to feel better, I didn’t always cry a lot or have trouble sleeping. You will get used to not talking to him all the time, so you won’t always have that lonely feeling. But I think I’m doing a lot better than I was in the beginning, just really keep yourself busy the first few weeks.
For me right now, sometimes I will be doing something and it will just hit me that I no longer have my ex. I realize it everyday but then I just do something to try and forget about it. I think the worst thing for me the first couple weeks was waking up and realizing I wasn’t with my ex anymore. But it does get better.
@catherine8 thank you – Thats when it hits me badly too – first thing in the morning. I’m getting a bit better but its so hurtful 🙁
When I did NC for 3 months last time although my feelings didn’t change at all, it was weird trying to force myself to go on dates with other people, which was why I was so sure that when we got back together this would be it 🙁he still has ‘in a relationship’ with me up on his Facebook though, and Last year when we broke up he removed it instantly. It is still on a week later… probably reading way too much into this and holding onto anything and everything, but should i mention it or just remove it myself?
Sounds pathetic, but the fear of removing it is that maybe he is keeping it like that for some reason?
Hey Amy111, that does seem a bit strange that he hasn’t removed your relationship from FB. It could either be because he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, or it could be because he doesn’t want to let go of you.
If it’s upsetting you, I think you should remove it. Or at least set it to being blank. That might even give him a reality check that he’s lost you!
Facebook is such a weird part of a breakup. My ex hasn’t deleted me off it either, which is a bit confusing. When we broke up he pretty much told me not to contact him, but he hasn’t blocked me or anything like that. Do you think it’s because he just hasn’t thought about it? Or is he still hanging on to us somehow?
Hey @lin91
That’s the thing! Last time we broke it off, he changed it the same day. He hasn’t been busy and has been on Facebook every day quite a lot. Seeing as he was the one who initiated the break up I would expect him to?
But yes I’m not sure what to do-part of me wants to do that it shows him he’s “lost” me, hit the other part of me thinks what if he’s wondering what I’m doing and wants me back, and if I change it it shows I don’t want him? It’s a strange situation that I’ve never been in before…. What are you going to do?
Yes it makes sense for him to initiate it. Men are so confusing haha. It’s so hard to tell what they’re thinking or why they’re doing something. A lot of the time I don’t think they even have a reason. To be honest it sounds like he loves you, he’s just being a bit immature. Your whole story sounds like you have a good chance though, it’s just a shame he has to put you through all this hurt first. If you honestly think he’s worth it then good luck with NC this time, and I really hope it works for you.
If you change it I don’t think he will take that as you not wanting him. He knows what he means to you. You’ve told him countless times. It will just show him that you’re respecting the space right now and if he wants you back the ball is in his court. Do what is right for you.
I’m not sure. I thought about deleting him but then I thought that would look petty. I’ve just completed my 30 days NC, which has felt like forever and also went by in a flash at the same time. I’m in a good place, but I don’t think I’m quite ready to contact him yet without coming across as needy. I also need to work out exactly what I’m going to say. I may even give it another month. So watch this space I guess!
Thank you-the NC for 3 months last time worked a treat but this time he wanted to do NC for longer :'( he’s also going travelling for 2 months, so I doubt he will miss me with him being so busy 🙁 dreading it 🙁
Yes do! Longer NC worked best for me tbh!
He definitely will miss you. People can have fun and do things and still miss someone. They’re not mutually exclusive 🙂
For example, we are both seeing our friends and having fun, but we still miss our exes. They probably feel the same!Yeah I was thinking that because I started NC the day after the breakup so it wasn’t really that long ago! I think he will definitely need more time, as do I.
Yeh that’s true 🙁 I think what worries me is a friend of mine spoke to him (he doesn’t think we’re that close) and he didn’t know that she knew we broke up. When she asked him how he was he replied “yeah great thanks! Yeah we broke up which is a shame but I think she understood my reasons. Yea she is lovely and I hope she isn’t too hurt! So I’m leaving it to cool off and then hopefully we can be good friends”
I was really hurt by this-it was the day after he broke up with me, crying with me etc….and to say he only wants to be good friends 🙁 unless this is a front he’s putting on?
Yeah this a good plan! What happened with you and your ex? I find this site soooo helpful, it helped so much to talk about it last time on here!
I agree with you @amy111 I think no co fact for more than 30 days is better. Even if I have to wait 3 months to finally feel good enough to make the move then I will wait 3 months.
I have a question though, both of our birthdays are coming up and mine is before his. If he doesn’t text me and say happy birthday, should I still text him happy birthday when his comes?
It probably is a front. Nobody likes to admit it if they’re finding a breakup tough – especially those who initiated it.
Well he broke up with me about a month ago after he came back from a festival. He said that getting some distance had meant he’d seen us in a new light and realised all the bad things: arguments etc. I begged, promised to change, and all the rest of it, but he was very stubborn in his decision. He was giving me a lot of different reasons, and I really suspect he didn’t fully know why he wanted out, he just knew he wasn’t happy. He said he still loved me and still cared about me, but we were incompatible. Weirdly, when we were talking a couple of days before, he was saying that we should meet to sort it out – not break up. So it was a bit of a shock to see him u-turn like that. I asked him if he just needed distance for a month or so, but he told me that I should move on because he couldn’t ask me to wait for him, as it would be too damaging for me.
We haven’t spoken since then, it’s been hard because I’ve had so many things I’ve wanted to tell him. We still have each other on Facebook and Instagram, so I could contact him if I wanted to. I just have to be sure I’m ready for however he’ll react.
Catherine,
I see no harm in texting him either way, because you’ve finished your no contact period. I think just play it by ear and if you feel like it on the day, then send a casual text.
lin91 – that basically sounds exactly the same as my situation ahha, mine said that he wanted to be with me but wanted to grow and be more mature but not to wait for him…. may I ask how old you are? As mine panicked that we are 22/23, and that his mum thought we were too young to be in a serious relationship with each other.
Your right. I am going to leave it for a bit – if it gets to thursday and he still hasn’t changed it, I might message him to say something along the lines of “Hiya, I’ve just realised that we are still listed as ‘in a relationship’…Its sent a few mixed signals to me- do you want to chat?”
Seeing as he’s going travelling in 2 weeks, he’s away this week with his family and then his back home for a week next week, I don’t want to leave it until he goes away for the 7 weeks 🙁
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