Boards Reconciliation Did I make a fatal error???

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    So I have been in love with my ex (he was my first love) since seven years ago. We met and dated abroad and broke up because we had timing and spacing problems. I had been assaulted 4x while abroad and I needed to return home. So I broke us up because I needed to leave that place and heal my trauma. He came back home as well about a year later. I had started dating an abusive guy already, a dangerous rebound relationship ensued. Me and my ex began talking and I started emotionally cheating on my abusive bf with my ex without telling my ex I was in a relationship. I eventually broke up with the abusive guy over it and he attacked me because of it, and called my ex. After that I felt terrible for getting my ex into that situation. However once I was single I ended up visiting him twice in the span of about six months. After the second trip I cried upon leaving, I just had a feeling it wouldn’t happen again. I went home and we kinda broke off contact besides very occasional talking or texting. Then I got into a new relationship that lasted 3 years. For 2 of those years I didn’t talk to my ex at all. However, early this year (2023) his name suddenly popped up on my phone. He expressed how much he missed me and how he can’t find anyone like me and I told him I felt the same. Then I began preparing to leave my new relationship as it was also toxic and not good for me at all. Then I left April 4th 2023 and moved to a new state to live with my parents, save up money, and be able to move out and live on my own with independence and stability. Me and my ex first love began talking in earnest, then he dropped a bomb on me: he was in a relationship but wanted to see me still. He asked for some naked videos and we also sent some very dirty messages back and forth. A few days later, we talked on the phone for almost an hour and he detailed how his current girlfriend has an extremely low libido and he feels he’s incompatible with her but it’s a live in relationship nonetheless, but if I were to move closer to him he would come see me. He said to reach out, and actually my plan was not to, to let him initiate…. Well I ruined that by getting drunk and texting him at 11:30pm the next night. After so much communication, he ignored the message completely. He still hasn’t responded six days later. Is he furious because my bad judgement could have sabotaged his living situation with his current gf? He told me over the phone he needs her in order to financially keep his house payment afloat. Did I cross past the point of no return with just a single idiotic drunk text? I’ve been such a mess since we reconnected. My heart really hurts. Any advice would be so appreciated.

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