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I think flowers (simple, don’t go spending a ton of money) are best. More of a traditional gift and not overly personal (but def semi-personal if you know her favorite kind). The CD is something a boyfriend would do, it just seems like a little much in my opinion.
Sorry I’ve been away for a few days in Wales 🙂
Palmtrees, I understand your frustration at thinking about a deadline. I’ve been thinking about this too, wondering if I can put myself through what I did last year when he dumped me but this time be heartbroken all over again if this doesn’t work, and he doesn’t want to get back together. I think you should definately do the tactic that Lin mentioned, it sounds like a really clever thing to do and at least gives him the opportunity to make the first moves.
Fishingthesky I’m sorry I didn’t mean to offend you in my last post about your ex-I think it’s really good that your ex is mature enough to know what she wants (I wish I knew!) what are you going to put in your letter? (I’m sorry if you have written this somewhere earlier, I have extremely bad wifi and can’t look at any posts before the last 2 pages! 🙁 )
Soupy I reckon a good thing to do is flowers-think a CD is a little too much. A bunch of flowers and a note might be more appropriate in your situation 🙂
Lin91 I feel the same-I need this time to be single and although I’ve been out on a date, I still want and desperately love my ex. But I was so dependent on my ex, that I think this time apart has been good for me.
I’m going to send a whatsapp to my ex tomorrow to say happy birthday. He is 7 hours behind me where he is travelling-so thought If I sent it at 8pm my time it will be about 1pm where he is-then he’ll know that it wasn’t a “thinking about you before bed” message or a not too early message. My family and friends think I’m incredibly stupid for doing so however-and think I should have absolutely nothing to do with him as they know (as do I) that he won’t reply. But I’m going to do NC again straight after-I’m not one for contacting whilst during NC so I think the task is actually going to be pressing the “send” button!
Amy,
You aren’t stupid and they don’t think so either; they just want you to get over this guy as quickly as possible. If you feel like it won’t be a huge setback if/when he doesn’t respond, then go ahead. You’ve got to think about you more than you think about him or them.
Amy, you are not stupid at all! They’re just trying to protect you. I haven’t told any of my friends about what’s going on with my ex because I know they would tell me to give up and move on. It’s so easy to give out advice when it’s not your own heart. Just let them know you’re okay and do whatever you need to do yourself. 🙂
It sounds like you’re not expecting a response anyway, so there’s no harm in reaching out with a simply happy birthday message. I doubt you’ll be too upset if he doesn’t respond because I think you know he wont. If anything, you might be pleasantly surprised!
I think flowers are a really nice gift. They show you care but they’re not too expensive. It’s a good idea. 🙂
Yeh, that’s very true 🙂
Exactly-I find dealing with friends and family although supportive, I don’t get them
Involved in this-it’s extremely private and I think they would be suprised if they found out I write on this!How do you guys stop replaying the break up? I keep finding recently that I keep replaying bits of it in my head, wondering if there is a “hidden message” in his “I’m not seeing this as a proper break up, more a break, but I don’t know how long it will take, so don’t wait for me” or whether he thought me looking at the cake thing was me snooping at his laptop and he got the wrong impression-or anything really
.I just keep replaying it all in my head-if anyone has any ideas on this and how to stop overthinking and blaming yourself it would really help! 🙁
Pal trees, when are you
Going to put your plan into effect? 🙂Hey Amy, hope u had a good time in Wales. I agree with everyone else, that u should do what u think is best. As the great debate we had on here about birthday msg shows there’s a lot of different opinions. But it all comes down to what u think is right and what u think U can handle. Your friends and family are just looking out for u. Most of mine have the same advice or opinions as what u have gotten too. But they just don’t know how difficult it is to just walk away. Easier said then done that’s for sure.
One way is to keep an elastic band on your wrist. If you start thinking about memories that make you upset, snap the band and start thinking about something else. It’s like conditioning you to think positively. Weirdly it actually sometimes works.
@Amy, I have a tendency to over think almost every detail of my life, lol. So replaying the break up had been tortuous for about a week. I finally got past it by writing everything down. My theories, inferences, what possible causes, every single detail I could think of and finally just got it all out. Then I threw it in the trash. I think a lot of the replaying is just the need to vent and analyze with yourself or someone else. Ultimately it doesn’t matter why, although most people like that closure. Find a medium to get it all out.
Hey amy111,
You didn’t offend me at all! I perfectly understood your point, I was just trying to explain better the story.
Unfortunately I can really count a few friends of mine that support my decision to still find a way to work out things with her, the others tell me to move on. But it’s easier for them, no matter how much close to you they are, because they are not in the same situation as we are.
You have to decide with your own head in the end, it’s your life.I sent my birthday note to my ex and since she’s read it, I know she has opened it in the following mornings a couple times. So even though she didn’t reply, she is still thinking of me somewhat.
Oh regarding the letter. Well, I have some ideas on my mind, they just need to be confirmed or put aside when the right time is coming for me. I’ve written dozens of letters to her in our relationship, partly because we have been apart from each others, but the real reason is that I find it easier for me to express my feelings this way.
I am writing a bunch of drafts during the no contact period but I don’t send them to her of course. I realized that the their theme have drastically turned from “utter despair” to “understanding & acceptance”. That is a good progress.
My love for my ex is unconditional and I will always keep it in my heart, just as I am keeping the ring I got for her.What lin91 suggests, it’s a good plan but it’s suitable for situations where you are sorta in contact with your ex still and you are not in extremely bad terms with him/her. If your ex made it very clear that he/she doesn’t wanna see you again, that might be difficult to apply. You can only respect his/her will, leave him/her alone and think about alternative approach.
Thanks everyone! I always have an elastic band in my wrist so think I will do that, I have also written a list which I have found very helpful 🙂
Regardless of my worries of whether looking on his laptop for a cake recipe and him thinking I was ‘snooping’, I’ve come to realise that if it was that a. He should have spoken to me if he did worry about that and b.i think it would have happened sooner or later anyway-who knows. But it’s his issues that need sorting…
Its wierd, I can’t really remember his face properly…I just remember all the fun things most of the time.
Do you think our exes think of the good memories and not the bad/any problems in the relationship? My mum and dad say that over time the bad is forgotten, and the ex only remembers the good-was just wondering how accurate this was/what other people thought of this x
Thank you for all the support on here as always everyone ?
I really like the attic Lin mentioned. For me I don’t think I could use it because my ex has told me probably three times after our break up that we won’t get back together. Especially since he has blocked me and friends and avoids eye contact with me.
I’m planning on one day just smiling at him to just catch him off guard. It’s so silly how this is what I have to do to kinda like lure him in lol.
But I have a question. I will be having another surgery next Thursday on my foot and the only people that know are 2 very close friends and my family. I told my friends not to say anything to anyone for right now. But I was wondering if I should let everyone know so it gets to him that I’m having it done, or if I don’t tell anyone and he sees me the next time and I have a walking boot on it will leave him curious? This probably sounded confusing. But idk if it is better to leave him wondering or have him knowing.
Catherine8 that’s a tricky one. Part of me wants to say leave it so that he will wonder and feel inclined to ask you?
I was leaning more towards not telling anyone also, i just wanted a second opinion.
catherine8,
I am afraid that whether you let everyone know or not, he won’t come personally to ask you what happened to your foot. He will surely wonder about it if he doesn’t know and sees you like that at first, but that will unlikely bring him to approach you, he’d prefer find other ways to find more about it.Yesterday there was a big earthquake in my birth country that caused a massive death toll, and it didn’t hit really that far from where my family lives. My ex knows them and still she hasn’t bothered to ask if everybody is fine.
This tells a lot.
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