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Okay you need cut this and only write about a third of what you have here. I am not trying to be mean, but this is still way too much.
I know that if you cut it down it will force you to filter out the most important things you want to communicate to her. There is still too much detail and examples etc.
Mema,
Try not to convey too much emotion to him. Some of things you seem to get upset are trivial, when that happens you need to just take a time out and stop talking to him and getting upset. You are looking too much at him to fulfill emotional needs, these are the parts you need to work on yourself.
You don’t need him for that, because what happens is if you depend on him for that you will always be up and down.
If he sounds busy, just politely say goodbye and hang up. Don’t ask what he is doing? who he is with? don’t ask don’t you want to talk to me?
when you get off the phone you need to write down your feelings, just so you can deal with them on your own.I don’t think you should try now. I think you should follow the plan and then see how you feel. You cannot plan for those things in the future because you don’t know how you will feel.
All those feelings you are experiencing are normal and you will eventually see more clearly things for what they were, right now you just need to focus on yourself.
Sadbreakup is right, this is too too much. You need to think about someone else reading this, the letter is not just an opportunity for you to say everything you feel.
You are just human, all those triggers can bring on the tears. You just have to let them come out.
There are those days that everything reminds you of them!Without struggle there is no growth.
LAbound good for you! and way to be an overachiever Lol 90 days ! 🙂
She keeps looking for confirmation that you are still there, don’t give it to her.
You are right, if you respond you will set ourself back.Okay, the next time he says he has to go, you let him go, ask/beg which is what it looks like. In the future when things are good between you too, you can ask him to stay up with you, right you need pull back. Leave the conversation before you think is time. I know is hard but do it for your own good, start trying to be the first one to say goodbye.
And you start settling little goals on how long you can go without checking your phone. start with 5 mins and go from there. This is an addiction you are trying to break, so is not healthy and is going to be hard, but you will be much better off in the end.I know is hard to not contact him, but is it a much better feeling when he does contact you? then you can actually feel good that he wanted to talk to you, instead of not knowing if he just answered you because he felt obligated.
Is going good so far I think, he is contacting you 🙂 and you are working on breaking off the needy vibe. keep going !
NC is hard, really hard! so giving yourself smaller goals has worked for me, like you said give yourself a week and then once you make it add another week and so on.
The things if you don’t complete the program, then each time you break NC you are essentially assuring her that you are still there, she will not get to start thinking that you could possibly be moving on and thus start missing you or wanting you back.
And if she is to fall out of love with you it will happen either way, whether you are around or not, obviously things were not going well that you are here ya know? 🙁
Social media is a form of contact, so if she is seeing you on there a lot then you are sorta still around. I don’t know if is a good thing or bad thing because we don’t know what she is thinking. I would say just don’t do it to try to get her attention.Nope, i have mailed stuff to my friends as surprises without a return address, the only problem with that is that if it gets lost there is no way for the post office to return it to you :/
Put a different name on the outside Lol or send it to her college?
I would send it inside a card, that could be from anybody 😉Sounds like you are the right path, follow the program and see how you feel after 30 days. I think you both need time away from each other to get healthy and balanced again.
having a date here and there is good, just don’t over do it though if you are looking to get her back as it looks like you are basically falling into old patterns, maybe do the 30 days and see if you still want her back, if not then go have fun!is the one on the very first page:
“Should I tell my ex that I am doing no contact?
Ideally no. You want them to wonder what happened to you and why you are not contacting them. You want to be on your ex’s mind as much as you can. And telling them you are not contacting for some time will defeat this purpose.However, if your ex is currently calling you everyday or texting you everyday, then yes you should let them know that you don’t want them to contact you for a short period of time. Don’t give them any specifics. Just tell them to not contact you until you decide to contact them. Let them know you need some space and time right now.”
Mema,
You are communicating with a guy with too much emotion and I think some of it is coming off as neediness 🙁
“The thing is that I barely call him .. I wait for him to call .. I usually send a message .. but most of time there is no mobile connections at his town .. so when he gets the message .. we’ll be talking on IM ” me starting the conversation ”
I am confused? who is sending the first contact of the day you or him?” .. I tried to talk less to him on IM .. he’s talking to me now .. he sends me good morning messages and good night calls ..”
This is good, keep it up 🙂“and today .. his friend from different city is going to his town and he’ll stay with him for a while .. I hate this Friend ” I had a fight with him because he’s disrespectful” .. so I suggested that I don’t talk to my ex as long as this person is at his place”
Here is where there is too much emotion – I would have just not said anything and waited for him to see what he did, he already knows that you don’t like this person.“yesterday .. we were talking .. and he did something stupid .. so I told him I hate him ” like kids do when they get mad .. in a funny way ” .. so he responded saying : “but I love you ” .. I didn’t say anything back .. and continued the conversation normally ”
You did good on this by not saying anything back, because we don’t know exactly why he is saying it.“so I said : ” you admit that I’m the most important person in my city to you? ” ( said it laughing and it was kind of joke ) .. he said :” I do .. you’re the most important person to me ” ..”
Even though it was said jokingly, this screams neediness, you want affirmation that you are important to him, I would have said “oh you are coming to my city, that sounds nice, I am sure you will have fun” you need to start acting a little more like you don’t care that much. He will give you the affirmation you are looking for if that is really how he feels about you, in this case we hope that after you acted like you didn’t care too much, he would have followed up with I really want to see you etc and then you could just said “that would be nice” and keep letting him be the one who is pursuing you.“what do you think?
does this mean he is in love with me again ?
or he’s just saying that ?”
we don’t know, but I can tell you we don’t fall out of love with people that quick, and the only thing we can do is wait and see, but things are looking good for now, you just have to keep getting stronger and more confident.
And him saying he loves you is nice, but we need to see what his actions say.
