In contact with my ex .. help plz

Mema I’ve just read this post and some of your other sand I will have to say, honestly and gently, that I agree with TristanJad: you sound absolutely obsessed with your ex, and this has been going on for far too long. Believe me, I know how it feels to love and long for someone for months, but there is really no point in your coming to this forum and posting the same things over and over again, and getting good, honest advice which you never seem to follow. If you really want to get your ex back – and at this point, if I were you, I’d be questioning WHY I would ever want to be with someone like that – you need to seriously step back, read all the advice that Kevin and others have given you, and stop contacting your ex, stop responding to him, restrict all your contacts with him to the barest of bare minimums. Maybe one or twice in a month, max. This is not NC advice – as you’ve already done that – this is advice for you to restore your life and your sanity. What is your job, may I ask? Can you throw yourself into work, or let some other passion and interest and friendship take the place of this obsession you have with your ex?
You don’t seem to have followed Kevin’s advice at all – in the main page of this website – to take the time for yourself, to rebuild your life, to become happy and healthy without your ex. Did you write down all the pros and cons of your relationship with him? If so, take a hard look at the cons column, and remind yourself of how toxic this situation is. It certainly sounds that way to me, and, for your sake, I hope you stop posting on this website that frequently, and stop thinking about your ex so much. Go out and live your life, Mema, and things will get better with time. I promise. But you have to want to get better.

Sounds like you are trying really hard, Mema, and bravo and “bon courage” to you. Since you don’t initiate conversations, but he seems to contact you every day, it does seem to me that he wants to keep you in his life, but maybe not as his girl friend. I do think this false friendship thing is perilous, in your case, because he seems absolutely sure that you want to get back with him. The only way this false friendship can work is if you signal to him that you’re OVER him completely, and would under no circumstance get him back. I don’t know the guy or you, obviously, but I do think a better strategy, for your own peace of mind, might be to be a very distant friend. So DONT reply every time he texts you. Dont speak to him late at night or first thing in the morning. Dont write emotional, even jokey, things to him. In short, don’t make any of your contacts with him any different than with any other male friend you have. I KNOW it’s really hard but I really believe it’s the only way. In fact I’d say that if you could restrict contact with him to only once in two weeks – note, I;m not saying “do NC” – I’m just saying be distant and cold with him – that would be great.
I know you’re in Syria as i’ve been reading along with all your posts – though this is the first time I’ve written on your topic – and I feel for you, and I hope that things will be ok for you very soon. Hurrah for passing your master’s exam, and for having friends, and a social life far apart from him , and for going to the gym and taking care of yourself. Maybe all of this will make you realize that you are really wonderful, and deserve someone who treats you as you deserve to be treated. I know he used to treat you that way before. But he doesn’t now, and until he does, he is not worth your attention. Why would someone as wonderful and accomplished as you want to be with this guy, who I’m sure is great, but doesn’t treat you right?
Think about this carefully, and respond whenever you can: you deserve better. We all deserve better. If he can’t see how wonderful you are, then you need to be with someone who does. Or alone. I think it is better to be alone, even for life, than with someone who doesn’t love us the way we want to be loved.
Be strong mema, and write here by all means as regularly as you want, if it helps you, but stop being in touch with this guy every day. It is a toxic situation, and you need to step back and recover yourself.
Good luck! We’re all cheering you on, and we’re all in the same boat as you, more or less (except in my case I dont want to be with my ex ever; no matter how much I love him. I refuse to be with someone who doesnt love me. And so I don’t want “my ex back” in any way. I only came to this website to help me deal with the pain and grief.)

Hi

So, I followed the no contact rule and the letter. Thereafter my ex and I began talking again. She told me she misses me etc.

We recently met up and it was a good day I would say and when she left she said she had lots of fun and thank you so much for that. Last night, she asked me if I am expecting anything to come out of this. As in if sometime in the future whether I am hoping that we will start dating and get into a relationship. And she said that she wanted to make sure that she is not leading me on and wanted to know what I am expecting.

To which I said no you are not leading me on and that I do not know what to expect.

How do i go on from here? Recently she has been busy with exams and it has been me who initiates the conversations.

Looking forward to your reply

Mema,
Try not to convey too much emotion to him. Some of things you seem to get upset are trivial, when that happens you need to just take a time out and stop talking to him and getting upset. You are looking too much at him to fulfill emotional needs, these are the parts you need to work on yourself.
You don’t need him for that, because what happens is if you depend on him for that you will always be up and down.
If he sounds busy, just politely say goodbye and hang up. Don’t ask what he is doing? who he is with? don’t ask don’t you want to talk to me?
when you get off the phone you need to write down your feelings, just so you can deal with them on your own.