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LY88,
I am sorry to hear you are feeling like this.If you don’t have insurance you should still be able to find other resources where you can get help. I would start by calling a suicide hotline, in addition to talking to you, they should be able to give you some resources in your area where you can go for counseling.
I would also google support groups in your area, I went to a few and they were definitely helpful, sometimes even more than going to a therapist.
Also you said you are in school? I would check with them as well.As daunting as it sounds, please take the time to seek the help you need. It will be helpful for you.
As far as your feelings, all those are normal. You just need to let yourself process them, and whatever happens, you will know what to do. Those decisions just come to us.
Keep posting on here, that also should help.For anyone feeling suicidal, please call a hotline or talk to someone, we need you here! You probably think that I am just saying that and I don’t know you, but I have been there I know those feelings, you would not be getting what I hope is a little support from myself or LAbound if we had let those feelings take control. Please look at the new postings here and find someone who you can offer a few words of encouragement, sometimes it helps to stop focusing on yourself, find someone or something that needs you, for me at one point it was my cat, I had to stay alive because he needed to be fed etc.
Today just feel what you feel, don’t try to change it, just feel it and let it pass.@LAbound, I believe you. I also think that you can be friends with a person of the opposite sex. I think is awesome that you have connected with her, I think we all should be able to connect with other people on deeper levels than just surface type things. Unfortunately in our current culture/society these things are looked at with skepticism.. and a lot of times for good reason.
I guess my only thing here is about respecting your friend’s relationship. The other person may not like your closeness, but if he is fine with it then cool! otherwise you would be in a position of hiding your friendship and that is probably not what you want.
I do think that this has the potential to grow into something else, not saying it would, but the possibility is there and if I was the other person that is the exact reason why I would not be comfortable with it.
@divine girl,
It does you no good that he will not find another person to love him the way you did, unless he realizes it before is too late. And sometimes we have to be okay with that because we have no other choice 🙁and the reason he does not reach out even if he misses you is because he does not want to. I know because I have been in that position, of missing someone so bad, but still not reaching out, because I did not want to be with them. For me in order to be in a relationship both things have to align.
One of the reason I did not reach out was because I did not believe he could/did change, he would talk a good talk, but I did not really see a lot of action. So in order for this person to try to reach out, you have to do whatever you can to change that belief in them. I think this site touches on that a lot, thats why you have to do NC and work on yourself and then show them that you have changed.Hey LAbound, ever heard stories of how couples who started out as good friends and then eventually became a relationship? Yep this is what is happening here… If you were her boyfriend would you be okay with her having a friend like this?
You don’t necessarily have to have a sexual relationship with another person for it to be innapropriate you know ? Is really about respecting the other people involved.. I am not saying you are wrong, I am just saying it could turn problematic.. Now having said that, I think is great that you are connecting with another person like that, it could turn into something fantastic, just respect the other person and don’t cross the line until the path is cleared.
Just my thoughts.I can tell you that it is possible to get back to your old self again, but it takes a lot of working on yourself. I was this type of person and it took me a long time to figure out that doing everything for another person is the wrong way to go, I still have a hard time holding back and understanding that doing too much for another person is not the way to get someone to love and appreciate you.
Is a work in progress…Ly88,
Things like that are going to happen, nothing abnormal here. We know that people only post things on FB that look like their life is the best ever. If it were any other time you would not be attaching so much emotion to it.
You also need to remember that guys process things differently, most don’t sit around moping, I know that we wish they would so we know that we meant something to them etc. but a may just go on to do things so they don’t have to think about us, that’s why you see them going out partying and get into rebound relationships etc.
But sooner or later they will have to deal with the loss of the relationship and that’s why you cannot be contacting him until some time has passed, so hopefully by then he will have started missing you.Go do the same thing, focus on yourself and do fun things, even if they don’t seem fun, do it anyways and eventually you will start having fun.
Hang in there you will make it 🙂
Ly88
We have all been there, the thing about heartbreak is that most of us experience the same things. Sure there are some people who seem to move on a lot faster, but everything you are describing are things we have all been thru, is not over reacting at all.
But I can promise you this:
Your tears will run out eventually.
You will get tired of sleeping too much.
Your heart will grow resistant to the pain and eventually it won’t hurt.
You will miss him less and less one day.
Your mind will begin to occupy itself with other things.
He will not find anyone who loves him as much as you did. And one day he will realize it, hopefully not too late..This is a good time to look within to see if there are anythings that you need to change, sounds to me like you are a very giving person and sometimes this works against you. You should be careful to only give to another person as much as they earn, and they should reciprocate as well. When we over give ourselves, a lot of times people don’t appreciate it and so is easy for them to leave us.
The good part of this is that you will come to learn so much about yourself than you even thought.
I can honestly say that all the breakups I have gone thru, I would not change it, because I have learned so much about myself. The only thing I wish is that they would have happened a lot sooner than they did, and I should have started moving on a lot faster than I did.The guy that brought me here is a long distance situation too, and although I am no longer in pain, I still in the back of my mind am hoping we reconnect sometime in the future. But in the mean time I have a life to live 🙂
@Aryan0903
Is great that you are coming out with your own album, but I am not sure that getting her back that way will have the outcome you are looking for…. she may come back just to be around the attention and may leave after.
What you should do is follow NC and focus on yourself and see what happens after that. If you are a driven to succeed type of person, she should come back and ask you to take her back, as long as the relationship was not horrible.
Good luck to you!
Ratpacker28
“One of the most courageous decisions you will ever make is to finally let go of what is hurting your heart and soul” – Brigitte Nicole
Letting go does not mean giving up, it just means letting things be because we have zero control on anyone or anything, at best we have some control over ourselves. And who knows sometimes when we let go is when things come to us. We just have to be open to receiving them.
Think about it this way, let it go and if she comes back on her own then you will be much happier for it 🙂
keep us posted on how it goes.Therapy can work if you find a good one, but trying to find a good one when you are feeling lost can almost add to your helplessness. But like the others said if things continue the same way after a few weeks, then you should try to find one.
I have found that support groups are sometimes better. This site is a great support group!
Keep us posted on how things are going.
I know what you mean sometimes life loses its appeal and nothing seems exciting anymore.
Here are some things that have helped me get back to myself:
Read self help books
Start a new exercise plan
Eat comfort food
Keep telling yourself that at this moment all you have to do is take the next small step.
I love re-inventions, usually after something bad happens in my life I like to “re-invent” myself. I start daydreaming of what type of person do I now want to be. I change my wardrobe, start reading books on tops I never had interests on, I start eating different foods. I just basically dream up a new version of myself and go from there, this always seems to get me excited about life again.I can’t really tell you how to get him back, but you CAN get yourself back and you never know what life has in store for you, there is always a chance of meeting up in the future, but don’t put your life on hold for that person.
hope this helps, let me know how it goes 🙂
Probably, sometimes you just have to know when to let go and free yourself from the pain.
Anger is actually a healthy and helpful emotion in these situations… it helps us start moving on.
This seems to be moving on very quickly and most relationships that start off that intense don’t usually last.
Don’t do anything, let yourself feel those emotions, but don’t make contact, the relief you will feel will be short-lived and the other person usually has no sympathy for our pain.And don’t let what happen take away from what you had, things change, but that does not mean that what you shared/had was any less meaningful.
Continue with your journey, keep working on yourself and moving forward. You never know what the future holds..
I have never met anyone who went thru a break up and did not thing about their ex, I have a friend whose ex moved on pretty quick on to a new relationship and she kept wondering how could he have forgotten about her so quickly. He didn’t he was just into the new girl so he was not dealing with the loss of the relationship, but a few months later he started going thru the emotions and wanting my friend back, but by then my friend had moved on and wanted nothing to do with him.
Sometimes losing hope is the best, because then you can just start rebuilding.
start being kind to yourself since she wasn’t, start planning a new life. In time the pain will go away and you will be okay.
