-
Posts
-
Hey LAbound, ever heard stories of how couples who started out as good friends and then eventually became a relationship? Yep this is what is happening here… If you were her boyfriend would you be okay with her having a friend like this?
You don’t necessarily have to have a sexual relationship with another person for it to be innapropriate you know ? Is really about respecting the other people involved.. I am not saying you are wrong, I am just saying it could turn problematic.. Now having said that, I think is great that you are connecting with another person like that, it could turn into something fantastic, just respect the other person and don’t cross the line until the path is cleared.
Just my thoughts.Hey Maria,
Thanks for your input. My friend is a real good girl type. I’ve seen her stop talking to other guys because they seemed even a tad bit disrespectful to her relationship. And I believe if she thought it was along those lines, she would shut it down. Her relationship before the one she is in now, she was cheated on. She hates cheaters! So, I don’t believe she would ever let it get to a point where it would be disrespectful to her relationship, and neither would I! We don’t speak like that all the time, and we don’t hang out constantly. I just wanted to see if it seemed as if there could be more to it.
I can control my feelings, and I will not let it cross the line. She is such a good friend.. I don’t know if I’d ever go for a relationship with her. It could ruin our closeness. And I don’t believe that guys and girls can’t be friends because something always happens.
And to answer your question…now thinking about it.. No. I wouldn’t want her communicating like that with someone else that way. I mean.. wow. As I am really thinking about it.. it would seem like it was more than a friend type thing.
I just always thought of it being able to express unconditional love for another human being. Because I really don’t see myself taking it further than what it is right now. And maybe that’s because I am not a scumbag, and would tell her straight up to go home to her man if she ever tried. I wouldn’t help hurt anyone.
Dear co-member of the broken hearts club,
Just like most people on this board, I absolutely feel your pain. I too have been struggling with pain and misery since my ex broke up with me in September (did long distance before that). The distance played a huge part and things just got out of hand eventually. Long story short, I’ve tried to move on but I feel dead on the inside even after so many months. He is on my mind day in and day out and I dream of him almost every night. He says it’s too late for some things and in the 5 months we’ve been broken up he hasn’t initiated contact even once, only replied when I reached out with my desperate attempts to get him back, which needless to say failed miserably. So like so many of you, I’m also wondering: why won’t he come back if he misses me and give us another chance? The big question in my mind: is he holding back because of the distance or he’s really moved on? He’s recently told me something that really confused me and made it sound like the reason we broke up wasn’t even the reason to begin with or isn’t that big of a deal anymore. But he also added that he doesn’t care anymore and past is past… No hope????
@Maria You say he won’t find anyone else who will love him as much as I do. I’m absolutely sure of that but what good does it do if he doesn’t see it? How many other women does he have to go thru to realize that? I don’t want to be “the last resort” he goes back to when all else fails. I’m just afraid that it would only make me resent him… I also agree that giving yourself fully to someone just isn’t appreciated in the end. I have to admit that my ex was a very giving person too and that made me want to reciprocate even when he grew distant and cold.
@Ly88 My ex is also a very sensitive person who doesn’t like to deal with difficult and conflict situations. I know I’ve screwed up a couple times and caused him unnecessary stress at a point in his life when he was also struggling with school and work. So, just like in your situation, he chose to eliminate me as a source of stress. The problem is that you and I don’t understand how a person can give up on something so wonderful so easily, right? The truth is, we just don’t see it the way they do. And the more you try to contest their point of view, the more they will resent you and think you’re just being selfish. In a way we are being selfish because we just want them to love us and stick with us no matter what else goes on in their lives because that’s what we would do. But people are different. This is the way they deal with stress and you can’t change that. So either they realize that riding out the storms together is easier or we really gotta move on and find someone more stress-resistant and reliable in life. Do you really wanna spend the rest of your life with someone who gives up on you at first signs of trouble? That’s what I tell myself when I get really desperate about my breakup.Finally, I have to say this site has been a wonderful source of consolation and support for me. Thanks everyone!
@LAbound, I believe you. I also think that you can be friends with a person of the opposite sex. I think is awesome that you have connected with her, I think we all should be able to connect with other people on deeper levels than just surface type things. Unfortunately in our current culture/society these things are looked at with skepticism.. and a lot of times for good reason.
I guess my only thing here is about respecting your friend’s relationship. The other person may not like your closeness, but if he is fine with it then cool! otherwise you would be in a position of hiding your friendship and that is probably not what you want.
I do think that this has the potential to grow into something else, not saying it would, but the possibility is there and if I was the other person that is the exact reason why I would not be comfortable with it.
@divine girl,
It does you no good that he will not find another person to love him the way you did, unless he realizes it before is too late. And sometimes we have to be okay with that because we have no other choice 🙁and the reason he does not reach out even if he misses you is because he does not want to. I know because I have been in that position, of missing someone so bad, but still not reaching out, because I did not want to be with them. For me in order to be in a relationship both things have to align.
One of the reason I did not reach out was because I did not believe he could/did change, he would talk a good talk, but I did not really see a lot of action. So in order for this person to try to reach out, you have to do whatever you can to change that belief in them. I think this site touches on that a lot, thats why you have to do NC and work on yourself and then show them that you have changed.I’m really not doing good…I don’t care about anything anymore…I still think about suicide from time to time. I’ve become very cynical about everything. I don’t think I can get him back, I mean how could I? When he’s moved across the world…I’ve tried to beat this and I’m just not strong enough. I feel like he ruined my life. All these good things, I’ll end up throwing away. I really just feel like I want to give up on everything. I’ve been suffering for months and it hasn’t gotten any better. I hate myself. And I haven’t been able to have fun for as long as I’ve been broken up with him.
Ly88!
If you’re thinking about suicide, you should speak to someone. Doesn’t have to be a therapist, but someone you can meet with that you feel comfortable and safe with at least.
I didn’t start getting better until my 5th month. I’d have great days, and really shitty ones where I stayed in bed, crying and being pissed off.
You’re stronger than what you think. This is a test! In time, you’ll freak yourself out at how amazingly strong and brilliant you are! I’ve been where you are. I even felt suicidal in the very beginning. It feels like your life is over and when you picture a future all you see is black. That’s how it was for me. And now..going on 9 months, I am so far ahead of that. And I never thought I’d be here. Happier, healthier, more confident, smiling and laughing more and more every day, picturing a future and even a future love; with no one in particular but just a great love and future of adventure and happiness. It WILL happen for you too, but you can’t wallow in the misery. You can’t let it win. The more you sit idle, the more you stifle yourself in every way!
Thank you for your support LA. I know I need help. I am actively looking for someone to talk to.
I guess I just feel this way partially because I know if I don’t get my ex back I won’t be with anyone. I really do not want anyone else. He was the love of my life. I won’t find someone I care about more and I don’t want to
So I guess I’m setting myself up for a lifetime of loneliness
You have to heal. When you do, you will not feel like you are destined for a life spent alone.
@Ly88 I think I know what you’re feeling – I am 3 months after breakup and few weeks ago I thought I am getting better and over it – but now I am broken again and feel so lonely and empty. I have no one around to talk to – I am alone in a foreign country and have been suffering from depression for quite some time.
I was trying to think positive but now can’t stop thinking that nothing good is there for me anymore and I will not meet a person as compatibile as was my ex.
And I don’t think I will get her back so…
I don’t know if this helps but you are not alone in this.And let’s try to be more positive that things WILL get better
LAbound said he got better after few months and now after 9 months is way ahead.For anyone feeling suicidal, please call a hotline or talk to someone, we need you here! You probably think that I am just saying that and I don’t know you, but I have been there I know those feelings, you would not be getting what I hope is a little support from myself or LAbound if we had let those feelings take control. Please look at the new postings here and find someone who you can offer a few words of encouragement, sometimes it helps to stop focusing on yourself, find someone or something that needs you, for me at one point it was my cat, I had to stay alive because he needed to be fed etc.
Today just feel what you feel, don’t try to change it, just feel it and let it pass.Dropping in before I sleep.
Hang in there! It does get better.
Kiwi. Can you move to where family is?
Please take everyone else’s advice and speak to someone, it DOES help! Cry, vent, scream, do whatever makes you feel better at that moment. I know it feels like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel but there will be one day!
@Maria Thank you so much for your words, I know you’re right. My ex did tell me that he didn’t know what to expect from me in the future and that he didn’t believe I wouldn’t make the same mistakes again. So at this point, he’s set his mind on us not working together. I’m doing NC and focusing on myself to become a better person who learns from her mistakes not just for his sake but for my own. Maybe some day he’ll see that…@LAbound yes I can go back to my parents – but apart from the pros (being close to my parents /I don’t have other family/, close to some friends, having my dog with me, it is my homecity etc.) there are cons – I would be geographically close to her and might see her or her parents sometimes, everything there reminds me of her, I would be tempted all the time. The other thing is I feel like I’ve lost everything – my fiancee + my dog (is with her) + my home (we lived in her flat) + work (contact with my clients as I was a freelancer).
I might get my clients and work back but can not afford to get a flat at this moment. And overall economical situation in my country is not promising.
And going back would be a shame for me – like I couldn’t make it here. But the reason is the breakup because apart from that I was doing fine. It is so f.cked up. I am so helpless I want to cry.Did you follow my story LAbound? It is all crazy. She is crazy 🙁 All that with her ‘new relationship’ – it is all insane and she doesn’t listen to anyone.
Right now I am totally depressed again and see no future for me. I can not find energy to work on myself – I just work – eat – sleep. And I try not to do anything stupid – still have my parents to live for.
Kiwi, ive followed it a bit.
My thing is not concentrating on the ex. If you go back, which I think you should so you arent alone, you can work to redefine and place new meaning on everything there. I plan to move back to my ex’s city. Everything will hold a meaning related to my ex at the start.. but I plan on making it my city. My place of adventure. I plan to create my life and group of friends. But im way ahead of you.. but you will get to that point.
It’s rough, but it cant get better until you work to make it better. Anytime you dont feel like doing something. ..get up and do it anyway. For me, I didnt get better until I surrounded myself with family members that werent dysfunctional, friends that never told me fuck my ex and get over it but just listened and loved me, and I got up no matter what and did everything I didnt feel like doing. Whether just showering or getting out of the house to sit at a cafe and read. I felt like dying and just laying in bed. Instead I cried and forced myself up. You have to love yourself more than you love your ex.
@LAbound thanks. I’m trying hard to keep myself going. The weekends are the hardest but I do everything to keep my mind occupied. It is not even that I think of my ex (as a person) – I just miss my ‘old’ life and everything we had together. I am here because we wanted to build our future here. I am here for us. And I am left totally alone. I know – I don’t love myself – I was doing everything for her. I know it is bad but how to fix this, how to feel good to be alone? I don’t know if I can make it without help from the outside- I’m getting weak.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.