How does everyone deal with the pain? I'm not sure I can improve

I am a college student struggling in my final semester of senior year, and I can relate to a lot of what you said here. So just know that you’re certainly not the only one dealing with this. My ex moved about a 9 hour drive away and since he’s been gone I just feel empty, and sometimes I feel like with the distance it’s almost impossible to fix. I have gone on dates, kept myself busy, and have been working on myself as well and nothing seems to be helping either.

Yesterday was the day that I decided I’m really tired of feeling this way, and I’m beginning to look into going to a therapist once a week. This is something you might want to look into too. It may be helpful to talk to someone who is non-biased and who has the expertise to offer you some other coping strategies. I have never gone to therapy before so I cannot speak on how helpful it is, but if you’re feeling like nothing else is helping, it’s certainly worth considering.

Some other ideas:
-Keeping a journal, writing out your thoughts can be very therapeutic for some people.
-Self help books, I bought a couple of these specifically on communication (that’s the only issue my ex and I had) and I felt brief spurts of inspiration.
-Make a list of all the things you like about yourself, and refer to it often.
-It’s also important to remember that all of this requires baby steps. Just try to take one little step every day or every other day, and you’ll get there. These things take time and it’s frustrating but in time you’ll get there. I know it’s easier said than done but we just have to keep pushing ourselves through.

Ly88,

If you try some of the things listed above and stick with it, you will feel better over time.
A therapist may be a good idea too if after a few more weeks you can’t come to terms with the breakup. (I’m not saying have moved on, but in a better place.)
All of us here love to help so vent to us whenever you need to.

When my breakup first happened, I went to see a therapist. He wasn’t much help because I didn’t go to him repeatedly. Instead, he told me I was very well self-prescribed and seem capable of getting through my ordeal independently.

He also suggested I had adjustment disorder. lol I gave him the craziest look. Pretty much if you grieve for a long period of time after a life event (death or breakup) you may have the disorder… and they’ll try to prescribe you something for it. But like I said, I handled it by myself and within a few weeks (with the help of this site, reading self-help books, joining a sports team and making sure I never stay in bed past 10am- getting bathed and dressed even if I had no where to go) I felt a lot better.

You will get through this. We’re here to help.

I can relate a lot to what you are going through and how you are feeling. Grad student myself even and my ex went long distance before our breakup too.

Therapy or counseling can work wonders. I think it’s more helpful to women as we like to talk and connect on a social level. It can feel really great just to know that you are being heard and considered. I’ve been going to therapy since before the breakup and it’s done wonders.

Something that helped me the most was getting angry. That’s when things really changed for me. I snapped out of the sadness and was angry at how he could do something like this to me and how I had given him so much. I also got angry at myself for letting him take away my happiness and that I was so miserable over him. After that, I didn’t want him to have power over my emotions anymore and set out to live a full life for myself.

Being in a new town can be awesome. Do some exploring and find out what’s out there. Try new things. Do whatever you can to make yourself feel better and happy. Treat yourself, pamper yourself, make time to relax and just enjoy doing what you want. Try not to see your time as lonely, but as an opportunity.

Ly88

We have all been there, the thing about heartbreak is that most of us experience the same things. Sure there are some people who seem to move on a lot faster, but everything you are describing are things we have all been thru, is not over reacting at all.
But I can promise you this:
Your tears will run out eventually.
You will get tired of sleeping too much.
Your heart will grow resistant to the pain and eventually it won’t hurt.
You will miss him less and less one day.
Your mind will begin to occupy itself with other things.
He will not find anyone who loves him as much as you did. And one day he will realize it, hopefully not too late..

This is a good time to look within to see if there are anythings that you need to change, sounds to me like you are a very giving person and sometimes this works against you. You should be careful to only give to another person as much as they earn, and they should reciprocate as well. When we over give ourselves, a lot of times people don’t appreciate it and so is easy for them to leave us.

The good part of this is that you will come to learn so much about yourself than you even thought.
I can honestly say that all the breakups I have gone thru, I would not change it, because I have learned so much about myself. The only thing I wish is that they would have happened a lot sooner than they did, and I should have started moving on a lot faster than I did.

The guy that brought me here is a long distance situation too, and although I am no longer in pain, I still in the back of my mind am hoping we reconnect sometime in the future. But in the mean time I have a life to live 🙂