Boards Reconciliation Extremely confused, and just wanting my relationship back

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 28 total)
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  • #17052
    Confused_Girl
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 1218

    Well, we dated for 5 months, been broken up for a month. He snapchat me a picture of something he was going to buy for me once. I said I wanted one, he said “maybe you’ll find someone better”. He keeps rubbing it in my face that he’s in a new relationship, playing that game. Rubbing a new relationship in my face, trying to make me jealous. Saying stuff he used said about me, what we had was different though. We clicked, and you don’t do that with many people. He’s playing dumb right now, but his actions are saying that he still loves me.hes saying he’s over me and he doesn’t love me, but his actions speak louder than words. The fact that he is starting to say things we used to do, the fact that he’s talking to me. I looked it up, and he’s been doing almost every single thing that shows he still loves me, his emotions, being competitive, except he hasn’t gotten to the push/pull behavior yet. He’s talked to me while drunk, and I’m still trying to do the NC thing, he keeps snapchatting me. I’ve been ignoring it mostly. I told him his actions speak louder but he doesn’t get it. I’m still working on myself and it’s going rather great, I’ve reconnected with a few friends and I’ve liked hanging out with them again. Will he snap out of this? (No pun intended lol) Does it sound he still loves me with all these actions?

    #17149
    Maria
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 84

    He has feelings for you, otherwise he would not care to doing all that.
    You need to stop responding completely. If you are going to do NC then do it, don’t play around with it, otherwise it won’t work.

    #17157
    Confused_Girl
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 1218

    He messaged me 6 times yesterday, I didn’t reply. I really feels like he misses me. I don’t care if he says he doesn’t cause sometimes those words don’t mean anything, it’s his actions. I just hope he snaps out of this and comes back. I’ve got my life back together (I was depressed, my last living grandparent passed away, but I’m better than I was a few months ago).

    #17172
    Maria
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 84

    Good, and don’t feel bad for not responding. Focus on yourself right now as it sounds like you need it. I am sorry about your loss 🙁
    Exactly, actions speak volumes!
    and if and when you decide to talk to him again and he asks why you did not respond you can just tell him, I had a lot going on and needed to get myself together.

    #17178
    Confused_Girl
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 1218

    Thank you, and my ex knew about it and he was there for me. I’m a lot better than I was a few months ago. And I am feeling like myself again. How he is being just isn’t him. I just want him to snap out of this thing he’s in, but that won’t happen until I stop talking to him for awhile.

    #17169
    male_nurse
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 10

    Hi confused girl!

    I know exactly how you feel. I also agree with Maria that your partner is still in love with you.

    I want you to learn from my mistakes regarding NCR. I am determined to finish the 30 day to give time for my ex to miss me and tp allow myself tp undergo the normal process. To feel the pain and to accept the situation. Once I can take care of myself, I can evaluate my NCR progress.

    Instead of strictly following the 30 NCR, I misjudged the “heart” emoticon she, my ex, sent me as a sign of readiness to get back together. I end up giving her the assurance that I am still waiting for her (being needy again) instead of the illusion that I am moving on.

    #17269
    Confused_Girl
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 1218

    I thought it was also a sign that he still cares, cause last night, he messaged me and asked if I was going to explain what I meant by his actions, but I also meant cause I’m back to the person I was when we were dating, and more mature. I don’t if I should continue NC for a few days or talk to him tonight

    #17325
    Confused_Girl
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 1218

    He asked if I wanted to talk to him last night, I said yes and I told him I’m back to myself and that I’ve matured a lot more. I feel like since he asked if I wanted to talk that he actually does still care and love me. I don’t know what to now, I know I still need some time, I’m nervous and I want him back…

    #17330
    male_nurse
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 10

    I too give in to the temptation of communicating back and break the NC rule. In my case, I can consider it as an unripe fruit which very sour to the taste.

    I am restarting NC until such time I can show her that I am okay and doing great (or just the illusion). I think it is ripe or correct time of they initiate the communication with effort to win us back.

    #17332
    Confused_Girl
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 1218

    WHat do you mean by that, in the last sentence?

    #17336
    SM
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 65

    Confused Girl, since you’ve already told him you want to talk to him, let him call you. DONT contact him again, and if he just sends texts don’t respond. I’d suggest you keep NC for at least 30 straight days, unless he overtly contacts you (by phone or in person, not by text message). Good luck, and be strong, and I’m so sorry for the loss of your grandparent.

    #17338
    Confused_Girl
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 1218

    I’m going to, I still need some time, I’m just very confused right now

    #17339
    male_nurse
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 10

    Sorry about that. What I mean is, you will feel the correct time to have the relationship back. I have associated with a fruit. If we end the NC prematurely, it is like harvesting an unripe fruit… A very sour tasting fruit. But if we sacrifice until we have that perfect moment… It is like harvesting a ripe fruit giving us a sweet taste and in this case, having the relationship back.

    #17345
    Confused_Girl
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 1218

    So I just need to give it more time?

    #17349
    male_nurse
    Participant
    • Total Posts: 10

    Give NC one more time as SM suggested earlier.

    My idea here is you are repairing your heart and mind in the process. We are in the stage where we want to have this sorted right away which will only up their defenses. Being needy will only worsen the situation.

    If we fight the urge to communicate, we give them the time to miss us and allow time to remove all the negativities in their minds/hearts.

    Allow them to do their thing and force their way back to our lives.

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