Aphrodite

@Belle

You know, I think it’s a really good sign that he’s angry with you. You’re only angry if you feel emotionally attached. Indifferent would be a lot worse!

I think you going straight to a dating site or texting your ex after arguments could have to do with a fear of abandonment like you said, or a fear of being alone. If that’s the case I believe you would benefit tremendously from learning to thrive in your aloneness (not loneliness)! Or perhaps a part of you wanted to make him jealous as to show that he still wants you. If that’s the case it could be abandonment issues, fears of being alone or low self esteem and low self worth.
All things that would be great to heal now:) Learning to enjoy your own company is priceless.

I have also had that turn around feeling before. Often if we make decisions from a place of intense negative emotion, we regret them later.

How are you doing now?

@LAbound thank you for re-posting that!! Very motivational to hear that it’s possible to have them regret their decisions. So true… The pain of getting dumped is nothing against the pain of picking yourself up to become a better person! I’m gonna check out the links

Thanks for this post @Sparky and Happy New Year!

I partied up last night, and got a lot of male attention. It helps to know I have options, but I still can’t imagine anyone else, and I’m seeing flaws in everyone in that they aren’t ex. I’m working on making it look like I’m all happy and active on social media in hopes that it will catch his attention.

The last time we spoke, a week ago, he said he wanted to be friends but at the same time seemed indifferent to be talking to me. He also told me to move on. I’m not sure he actually wants to be friends or just feels bad, so I’m waiting for him to contact me next.

I love the fact that this forum exists, it has helped me so much by realising that I’m not alone in what I’ve been through and feeling what I feel! Just that is a big comfort in itself:) Not to mention all the support, advice and opinions!

I’ve decided 2015 is gonna be an awesome year for all of us! For those of us who haven’t been doing a marvellous job of upgrading ourselves (myself included), this is a good time to start!

@Belle I think one of the most difficult things is when they’re being ambiguous and not direct. My ex has been ambiguous and it’s so easy to translate what he said into something more meaningful than it was. Reading into stuff. For example my ex couldn’t say goodbye when I left his country because (he said) had he just seen me that morning he would have taken me back (We were in the same house!!!!) so he just left for work without a final goodbye hug. I remember waking up from hearing the front door shut and thinking wth… No final goodbye after 10 years? He apologised for this a few days ago, and said he’s lost sleep over it, and continues to loose sleep over thinking that he missed his chance for a last hug forever. It seems like he’s so emotional.

I keep catching myself thinking that means he still wants me, but it’s against all rationality, as he’s asked me to move on and told my mom he hopes I find someone I deserve and that he can’t be the one to make me happy. Also he seemed unaffected and slightly indifferent on our video call. It’s so frustrating. Sometimes those rays of light give us motivation and other times I feel like they just delay the hurt and make it worse. I overanalyse so much.

I’m glad to hear his anger has subsided some. Why is he so angry? In a way him being angry is a good thing because it means he does have strong feelings about it/you.
Good luck with NC, it’s the only option really if he says it’s helping him as well. I feel for you!

I had contact with him on xmas. First a call, then a video call that I initiated the next day. He wants to be friends and also wants me to move on. I asked how he would feel if I dated someone whilst we were friends, which he didn’t know but said he would cross that bridge when we come to it.
I’m not convinced he actually wants to be friends or if it’s his guilt and politeness talking. I’m not sure I want to either… Just taking it day by day. Haven’t heard from him for 4 days but I know he’s busy.

It is rubbish, it’s so depressing. I wonder who I’m gonna kiss on new years eve:(

I’ve tried talking to other guys but I compare them all to ex. There’s no point in it really because all I want is him. How the hell doesn’t he feel the same way… I really feel like I’ve teleported to some strange rubbish reality.

@sparky feeling like giving up on everything and anyone you know – I know that feeling man! Don’t worry it’s fleeting. I think what we really have to do is to be right here right now and only focus on what’s visible to you right now. We have to stop our minds from being with our exes. Like with me it feels like I’m not really here in the present moment – my mind is with him, contemplating what he’s doing and thinking ALL THE TIME. we’ve got to be present where we are and have our attention on that. Its like our minds are renting space in what we think are our exes minds in stead of living ‘at home’ where we should.
Yeah it’s one of those late nights where I can’t sleep lol

Hey, I think you should definitely go NC for 30 days. Then see. If she’s still unsure about things by that point, i would go NC for a few months.
In this time you should really focus on yourself and what you like in life (apart from her). Build on those things.

She’s pribably bern very stressed and has a lot on her plate. Sometimes that makes people go cold, and what they need is to be left alone until they have sorted themselves out. I hope that helps some?

Thank you for sharing this!!:)