-
Posts
-
@LAbound those links were really inspirational. I’m gonna form a habit of doing law of attraction work every night before bed. It was also really interesting what was said about power. It’s so true that he currently holds all the power in my life, and it’s all revolving around him. I’ve gotta get that power and energy back on me. I do have a fear of getting over him, because if I do then that could mean it was all a waste, the real end of our relationship. If I get over him, and he wants me back later, a relationship with hun would still not be created. The fact that I’m not over him creates the possibility that all we need is “one more vote” and we’ll be together. So me moving on, and removing my vote, would really be the end of it.
Funny how the mind works. I’ve got to work on that fear@Aphrodite hahaha you little tease! lol
No seriously, I know exactly how you feel, as chances to meet somembody that you find really special don’t come around too often (well at least for most men they don’t). I had a bit of fun over the last month or two of the year in order to try and put my Ex out of my mind. It didn’t work but it might just happen one day when we least expect it 🙂
@LAbound I have tried clicking on your link and the first link doesn’t appear to work. Please could you check and confirm for us?I must say that I find some of the comments re: 90 days plus of NC a little disheartening. I don’t know each persons individual circumstances, but if like me you have stuck to a period of NC and your Ex has reached out to you in some way. If your Ex seems keen to at least stay friends and hasn’t ruled out the possibility of a full reconciliation one day then it is worth working on that while you continue to work on yourself.
I just wanted to highlight that continued sessions of NC could be more damaging than some people think. I am pretty sure that if the opportunity for friendship is there and you have the chance of regular contact by any means that people should leave the door ajar for their Ex. Reward any good behaviour by giving them compliments and sweet messages but also be strong enough to not be too needy or pushy (that’s the difficult bit that I’m still working on).
I think the trick is to tell yourself that you are unlikely to win your Ex back and view if you do as a bonus. Just try to be their friend if possible as it will show that you have accepted the break up but there was more to the connection that you shared with them than a romantic link. Any long term partner should be your best friend too right?
Sparky
We’ve read Neopoleons link about getting an ex back and it focuses on 90 days as to become someone we used to be before we met our ex, to completely get over our ex’s before initiating contact. 30 days for me won’t be enough. I could get rejected after that and end up back to square one. If I leave it 90 days I’ve got a better chance with dealing with the situation and not regress. I need to become me again, right now I don’t want my ex back under the way it was. It didn’t work like that and it will never work. 90 days and I have a better chance.
I say f*ck ’em, we’ve got our own lives to sort out. (current mood)
@Sparky hehe:) Well the only way to find someone special is to get out there. If you’ve read “Who moved my cheese?” It’s really just as simple as that. Just hard to do.However I’m not interested in finding someone else I like more than ex yet, right now I have heaps of work to do with myself. I’ve gotta do a 180 on my life, and become the person I want to be. 2015 for the win!
Sparky. There are steps to follow. You have done your NC and now you have made a somewhat friendly relationship with your ex. You at least speak. That’s great.
But there are certain types of communication when exes interact that are not healthy and do nothing for the dumpees. I recommend 90 days to the cases where the interaction with the ex is toxic and doesn’t allow for real change.
Ive promoted false friendship a lot. I even went into false friendship. But in my case I hadn’t given a healthy dose of NC and my ex was sending mixed signals. She was getting tye attachment/bond feeling from me while getting the new exciting bliss feelings from her new girl and attributed all her happiness to her rebound. She had no idea what it would be like without me. So I stopped false friendship and went cold NC. Working on myself. Still sad but not chasing and I dont plan on speaking with my ex for around a year.
Point being, false friendship will not work in some cases. That’s just how it is. Some exes need to know that the person isnt a doormat that they can change into a blanky whenever they choose.
Also, the length of NC is better determined by looking at the breakup, the actions and words of the ex after the breakup, the dumpee’s emotional state, and whether or not previous NC periods have made an impact, if NC had been used.
Here is something interesting I read.
I read that depending on the situation, being in contact with an ex while they pursue others lets them experience less sadness and pain of the breakup. Thus allowing them to move on smoother.Another thing I read was that in some cases NC over a long period of time makes it easier to move on for both people.
Then, in other articles ‘experts’ state that just because NC is used and an ex moves on…doesn’t mean we can’t try to rekindle in the future. And if it was a horrible relationship or breakup, 6 months is recommended.
It is individual specific and only each person knows their ex. Each person knows what they can handle. And each person has to determine, regardless of advice, what is best for them.
There are so many recommended periods of NC. And then you have experts that say don’t NC at all.
We only offer advice based on what we are given amd our own experience.
But I do believe if there are high emotions and you find yourself panicked and obsessing. At least go 30 days. 90 days for extreme cases. And longer if youve tried and tried and tried (like me) but they want to “explore” even though they love you like crazy and say you soothe your soul.
And as I sit here.. I get frustrated thinking about how we can look up steps but there really is no one way to do anything. My ex texted me over a week ago and said she was unhappy. That’s why she is moving on. But what is that? What was unhappy for her? Are there five steps for an ex who can’t communicate worth shit and would rather run than fix anything? No. And if I try to ask her, I dont think id get anywhere. Not right now.
I speak detailed and direct language in most cases. She’s indirect and not specific at all. Is there a five step program for that? Doubt it.
And for me to not do NC at all and just be friends while she is indirect and broad with her language while seeking others but yet tells me loving intimate things? HellHelllll no. Lol it’s a game whether they know theyre playing it or not.
Ill stop. I could speak for days on passionate subjects. Lol sorry. Fuck my ex’s ugly new guy though. My sister looked at him and was like ‘ew’.
You soothe their soul. Fuck. I can’t text this stuff to save my relationship. ……lmao
@LAbound don’t worry, we’re all in this. I’ve got way too much time on my hands and I keep wanting to kill time by having people to talk to about it with (this forum). It’s a strange situation I haven’t goten used to yet, all the alone time…
I’m working on attempting to thrive in my own company. One day at a time. I find it really does help to ramble about it all though!
Yeah your ex has been messing with your emotions, so I’m happy you’re doing NC. Forget about this guy, focus on you.
I hate being alone. I miss having someones attention all the time. I miss not having him to talk to and say goodnight and I love you every night…I can’t stand being alone like this. Why am I freaking out that he isn’t snapchatting me everyday like last month, and the month before?
Thing is..I dont think shes done anything on purpose. But I still have to pull away.
Confused girl,
He doesnt have respect for you. Point blank. He wont cater to your needs if he has control and no respect for you.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.