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…and I’m feeling lost again.
Have spent the last few weeks gaining attention from and spending time with other females.
My Ex reached out and tried to contact me after 18 days of NC and I messaged her back on day 24 (30th November).
Since then the messages have got more friendly from my Ex towards me as I think that she thought that I was drifting and losing interest. She started messaging me several times a day again and adding two or three kisses to the end of her messages over the last week (something which she hasn’t really done since August). She has told me that she still cares about me a lot and I thought that I would try with a casual I might be in London over new year and told her let me know if she fancied doing anything.
Possibly my first mistake, but I had to ask sometime. My Ex said that she was going away for New Year with her daughter and that I always ask to meet up when she has something planned. I said it’s ok.
Yesterday I received tbe following message from my Ex “I don’t want that at the mo as my brain tells me commitment is headaches if I’m honest, but I still would very much like you to stay in my life….does that sound selfish xx”
I said that “it did a little, but I understood” and left it at that.
I’m so confused and don’t know how to move on from this. Can she change her mind if I stay friends with her, or would it be best for me to go NC again but this time for longer? She has admitted that the stress of this and otber stuff has made her ill and it’s hardly done me any favours. All I have learnt to do is expect the unexpected with this relationship. I think commitment is what we both need but what both of us are frightened of being hurt by (if you commit too much to find out tbe other person isn’t going to).
I regretted not being able to give fake friendship a proper go because I wasn’t strong enough last time. Is that the right way to keep going this time? If so then I need some support with it.
Hmmmm…. I would go NC/LC. Don’t give her too much attention. You want her to be attracted to you and your life, so don’t ask her to join it (to go to London etc) wait for her to want to join – if you get me.
U almost there! Its ok. We are not that perfect. Any problems can be solve but it takes time. Maybe i’ll try to do lc i think
Don’t go NC. LC/false friendship. She was open with you. If you disappear, you may not get that from her again. which was a concern for my ex. she let her emotional guard down, and then I did two weeks NC. It has given me the impression from what she has stated the last couple of days that she’s scared I will disappear if she says something I don’t like.
You said you understand, now just be able to have attitude if and when you two meet up finally. You have to be okay with it. She will sense anything that’s being projected from you, no matter if you try to hide it.
Stay strong! 🙂
Thanks for the advice guys. I wrote the last message and although I agreed with her that she was being a little selfish I think that we were still on good terms but that she didn’t know what to say to that?
Should I just wait for her to make the next move no matter how long that might take, or leave it for a week and get in touch with her if she doesn’t contact me?
I was also thinking about New Year and what I do now she has told me her plans about that. I certainly want to try and be very low contact over this period, but will obviously need to give her a little attention if she seeks it from me?
I was also on the cusp of sending her and her daughter something for Christmas. Only something small which I bought for them ages ago but haven’t given them. The gift for her daughter is something very small but I know that it will make both of them smile and probably realise that I have been holding on to these gifts as I haven’t known how to face giving them. Should I send these or not? I had built up the will to and probably would have done so already if I hadn’t been ill since the weekend. I’m now left with a day or two to get them sent if I want to before last post prior to Christmas… haha confused!
hmmm just as I have been writing this I have received a message from my Ex saying simply “Good morning hun hope your feeling better today xx”
I have a busy day ahead now, so I think that I should leave this until this evening to respond. Make her think a little? What do you guys think?
Yeah. Just wait. She will be waiting tho since she give u text and good respond ^.^ if i were ur ex, and i text u but the message state that u dont read my msg for long hour, i will be wonder where are u. If u read my msg and still dont answer it, it will make me think negatively about u. Just for wxample tho
So after reading the message I should respond in an hour or two?
I haven’t opened tge message as yet, but I can see what it says from where messages appear on my phones honescreen. So will leace until this evening and respond then.
I don’t want to get in to long conversations with her by text but understand that it may be my only option to getting to spend some time with her again. I guess that I have to give a little and reward any good behaviour from her while distancing myself from anything that I deem could lead to another falling out between us. I need to hope that she will realise what kind of behaviour is rewarded and what kind.of behaviour leads me to wanting my own space.
Yes just wait few hours. Its good u didnt read it. U just saw it. It will make her wondering more. So how was it?
Hi @aryyan I made her wait 9 hours for a response, which I sent this evening (approx 20 mins ago).
No response as yet but I will keep you updated.
Did u say u are very busy? Okay she will respond. Girls also take their time to reply so that they wont look needy too sometimes heheh
Hi @ aryyan No I didn’t say that I am very busy, although I think she knows by now that Weds and Thursday’s are busy days for me. Saying that she isn’t silly either and would know that would be me just making excuses for myself, as she would have probably expected some kind of reaction to her – can’t handle commitment at the moment, but still really want you to be part of my life and is that selfish -quote.
Still no response from her as yet, although she has probably seen me online at the same time as her on Whatsapp once or twice this evening.
Anyhow, I am busy again tomorrow and off out tomorrow night so will leave it in her hands for the time being to make next contact.
I am wrapping a present for her and her daughter for Christmas this evening and popping that in the post tomorrow though. I had a few things that I had bought earlier this year and had forgot to give them, so I went a bit soft today and went out and got some cards and wrapping paper lol.
Probably another massive mistake but I was told a few days back that I had made a connection with her daughter and that it wasn’t just in my imagination. So that along with my Ex who keeps saying that she cares about me a lot and wants me to stay in her life has given me the push required to send these gifts regardless of what my Ex thinks. I think it is important that her daughter can continue to look up to me and think fondly of me. Her daughter shouldn’t have to be hurt and effected any more than is necessary by her mothers ups and downs in her relationships. She introduced me to her daughter and should respect my behaviour on this hopefully?
I’ll probably be in the wrong though – I always am lol.
Wow thats lovely. Well i wish i could be busy like u so that i can get him out of my mind. She hvent reply ur msg yet but is she read it?
@aryyan Yeah she has read it, or at least somebody has. She had been messaging me on her sisters phone as she was out of credit, although I now think that she is back in online credit on her own phone. If she hasn’t seen the message then she would have been told about it. Her sister has known me years too.
What’s lovely? The Christmas presents you mean?
I’m not busy all of the time but I do try to keep myself as occupied as possible. I have many quiet moments and voids to fill and as soon as I stop doing stuff I start missing her. I have fought against it and had some female attention recently and am frustrated that I can’t get my Ex out of my mind. I don’t believe that she will be ready to properly work at things until it is too late but I still can’t turn my back on her and her daughter totally. I am trying to take as much care of myself as I can in the process now and take time to myself when I need it. I still miss her lots.
I come here for support and to give others support as I still think that I am a long way from sorting any kind of new dawn out with my Ex and possibly even further away from getting over her.
You should work more on occupying your own time and mind. It’s not easy but it does help a little.
Yes the christmas present 🙂
So she read it but still not reply yet? Even untill now? There must be something or she might be busy i guess. Will u guys meet up again during holiday? Have plan?
Yah i know. I know its hard when we miss someone but we have to occupy ourself with something. At least u try to work on urself with benefit activities and try to keep vusy rather than finding someone else which is good tho. Proud of u 🙂 i hope holiday and chirstmas day give u a lot of joy later with family and friends, or even with her (we never know :))
Yeah i try and i do my best to keep myself busy and occupy with a lot of thinga. Just like u i miss him so much. Since im still in nc and seeing him getting happy and happier with his gf it hurts me alot.
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