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Maybe the guy likes other guys. per Seinfeld, “not their is anything wrong with that.”
Hello seldog,
One thing I have learned no matter how your ex responds you don’t know what they are thinking. Unfortunately, they also don’t owe you an explanation. Since your ex has already moved on he probably doesn’t want to reach out for that reason and give you a false sense of hope. You have to give him space because he is already with someone and you don’t ever know how his new relationship will work out. I’m not an expert but I think I would give him his space and then reach out in a month or two just to say hello. If he doesn’t respond it means that he is happy in his new relationship.
Hello lost and confused,
I see you asked me a question on my original topic started from a long time ago lol.
To answer your question, I don’t feel we ever had that long of a no contact period for me to see how that would work. Longest was probably a little over a month. It’s hard for me to not respond to her when she reaches out. We didn’t really end things on a bad note or had a fight. She has always been very nice and warm. I’m not someone who burns bridges or felt she needed time to get over any anger towards me. She always stated she wants to be a part of my life. She has always been emotional about things and still is. I’m at the point now where I don’t do the reaching out, but if she does I will talk.
I was out of state for two months and b4 I left I told her and she asked to meet up. I agreed and as I was telling her I would be away she got emotional again and started to cry a lot. It was awkward for me to deal with. She even that night showed me dead flowers she kept that I sent her a month b4 for her birthday. It was very confusing for me. I gave her a note that night before I left explaining in it that I accept the break up and understand she needs her space and shared some of my favorite memories of us. She texted me a happy thanksgiving and asked if I was home. I wasn’t at the time but said I would be soon. She asked to let her know when I would be so we could meet up. We met up and had a nice time and the only thing I asked her was if she was doing better because she had been depressed b4 we broke up and if she read my note. She said she is doing better but still not there yet and that she couldn’t read my note because it’s too emotional but she looks at it often.
My situation is s confusing one. I’m at the point where I’m living my life without her and going to continue to not reach out. I’m such a more positive person and changed person. I have reconnected with friends and been doing a lot more. I think she knows I have changed and mentions that. I don’t know what will ever happen but after all this time have accepted we may never be together again. I still have some bad days but overall feel pretty good.
I hope your situation works it self out positively with whatever happens. We are in a situation where we obviously cared about someone who now doesn’t want us fully in their lives. We can’t stop living our lives because of them. Over time even with all the history we have with the other person it does get easier. Thank you for the question and if you have anymore just ask and maybe my history can lead you to some answers or help you out in some way. Best of luck!!
8 and a half years for me. Now been alittle over 8 months. It’s still tough for me like it is for all you. I see a lot of similarities amongst reason that we all share for the break ups. Wishing everyone the best.
Aussie guy,
It’s really hard to give advice or comment on someone else’s relationship because only you and her know really what happened. All I can say is that if she’s mad and upset giving her space and time to figure herself and the situation out. I’m sure she still cares about you and thinks about you. You guys spent a lot of time together and that just doesn’t go away. Ultimately you should give her time and then at some point reach out and ask the tough questions and see where your future stands. I know from my situation tho you may never get the answers you are looking for. All I ever got was I don’t know what will happen but I don’t want to lead you on. After getting that after the first 4 months when I asked twice I just stopped asking and just started being cordial. My ex is still very emotional as I’m sure yours will be for a long time. The only thing I can say that helped me is to get back to being the best version of yourself. Hopefully working on yourself will bring you happiness and one day you and your ex can reunite. You can’t reunite with the hope of ever going back to how it was. How it was didn’t work and I realized that. You have to hopefully get to a point where if you get back both of you are better and that will make your relationship better together. After a certain amount of time you have stop thinking about asking for her back because the reality is that it is her decision to make to reunite and not yours. I will never ask for my ex back directly and only hope I guess she makes the decision to try again and at that time who knows where I will be in life. People get back together after long break ups, sometimes it’s just how life works.
What I am saying might come off as harsh. My situation is just different. There are many things that I’m bitter about and just frankly don’t understand. Why would she she still continue to cry when we hang out. Why would she show me a vase of dead flowers she can’t throw out a month after I sent them for her birthday. Why does she still ask to hang out and reach out to check in. I don’t do Facebook much but I posted a picture of me and a girl from a wedding I was in and she brings that up about I saw that picture you posted. I still am close with her brother and he always tells me she asks if he heard from me. At the same time though she refuses to talk about the main reason we aren’t together but her actions are confusing. I won’t talk about it to her anymore and havnt since July, it’s just worth asking the questions anymore because it messes with me. Like I said if she reaches out I am friendly and if she wants to hang out I go because I still care. It’s weird and I don’t understand any of it.
I hope you all have a great New Years. Don’t let them ruin it for you.
You can’t expect them to be direct, that’s what I learned. I was with my ex for 8 plus years and she would always say that she wished I could express my feelings more. Now after the break up she never gave me a direct reason for the break up. She is the one who can’t express her feelings with words. She can continue to cry about it for all I’m concerned like she does for no reason when we see each other. And all this no contact stuff they preach here is BS. If your ex wants you back then you will be back. It’s really as easy as that, not talking to them isn’t going to just miraculously change their mind. I will always be friendly with my ex because I really care about her, but I don’t reach out because of this so called NC rule. I do it because we aren’t together and their is no reason to always talk. She is the one who broke it off, but is the one who reaches out the most now. It’s really a waste of my time to give her the satisfaction of my feelings or be the one to help her out. I tried all that for the first month and realized it was dumb to be there for someone who refused to want you enough to be there for you and want to work things out. I always treated her great and never raised my voice or fought with her. I took her to nice places and enjoyed the things she did like plays and shows. We were good at being reciprocal with both our likes and doing stuff like that together. I no longer give her the satisfaction of expressing my feelings to her and I will never ask for her back. That is all up to her. you have to give up on someone who gave up on you at some point. I am looking forward to going out tomorrow and won’t sit at home and give her the satisfaction of controlling my life and be sad.
Thanks Belle,
I hope you find happiness as well. The holidays are alittle tough because when you spend so many years with someone you are used to doing the holiday stuff with them. It is rubbish lol. Best of luck to you
Thanks for posting the article…good read
I seriously doubt she will move on quickly. It’s been 8 months and my ex still hasn’t moved on to someone else.
You never know what is going on in their heads. Its weird how she will be so emotional in front of me even so long after the breakup, but it doesn’t mean anything about getting back together. It’s hard not to think about in the beginning, but over time you have to try not to think about it or you will never get better. I try to be more positive and confident everyday in all aspects of life. I have to remember she is the one who left me and the future if any is in her hands and not mine. She is the one who wanted to “work on herself”. I can’t be there for her anymore and I have only myself to work on. I go out most weekends and hopefully one day I will meet someone who I enjoy spending time with enough for more than one night.
I hop things work out for you and you find happiness with your ex or someone else…good luck
Hello all,
I’ll share some of my story. I also shared a long relationship with my ex 8 and a half years. We met in college and are both turning 30 this upcoming year. She ended it in April. So it’s been quit awhile now. We really did have a good relationsh up until I guess the last 6 months where we both became loners in a sense. We both were not happy where we were professionally in life and just didn’t make the next step towards marriage. It was hard for both of us to be happy together because we were not happy individually. The weird thing is we never really fought but did have our disagreements. I say fought because we would never raise or voice or say mean things about each other. She really was the one and it still bothers me occasionally that I lost her.
The post break up:
For the first month she would text me everynight to see how I was and how my day was. Around the end of the month we met up cause she wanted to. I asked for her back and she said she needed time to work on her self and get back to being who she was when we first met. I agreed I needed that as well. The next two months we would still talk occasionally and she was always warm. When we would talk or meet up the few times she would always cry and be very emotional, but never would give me a reason for the break up, just didn’t know what would happen moving forward. We lost contact for a few weeks after the 4th of July until I called to say hello and she asked if I wanted to go see a movie. The night ended with me asking her what I ultimately did that was so unreversible. She once agin cried and said she doesn’t know what will happen. After that I didn’t reach out and she didn’t much as well. Her birthday was in sept so I decided to send her flowers to her work. She received them as said she was very happy and that they were beautiful and sent me a picture of them. After that once again I backed off. I was going to be going away for two months at the end of October so I just sent her a text to let her know and she asked if I would come to her place. We talked about what we both had been doing and at some point really early she started to cry and it was very strange cause it continued for a long period. I didn’t know how to respond because I didn’t even bring anything about us up. We were just chatting about what we were up to. She even showed me the flowers I sent that she kept for her bday that I sent, at this time they were all dead. Once again I didn’t understand why she would show me these or keep them this whole time. I did have a letter I wrote her awhile back that I gave her right when I left that night. Two days later I left. While I was away she would reach out occasionally and ask how I was doing and we kept it brief. She wished me a happy thnksgiving text and asked if I was home which I wasn’t but would be home two weeks later. She said when I was home to let her know and we would meet up. We met up last week and went out to eat. At points I could see her again getting emotional,but she kept it under control and after dinner she asked if I wanted to help her Christmas shop so I decided to go along with her. It’s weird because I still feel,a connection and even after this time we have good conversation with no awkward silence or moments. She once again said that if I want we should hang out after the holidays. Once againher idea and I said well you let me know. Before I left, I asked her if she read my note( in the note I didn’t ask for her back). She said ,now two months later,that she can not open it and hasn’t read it but looks at it often. She says it’s too emotional to read for her. She texted me last on Christmas to wish me a good one.During this time I have been on a few dates and regrouped myself and no longer am a loner. I got myself back to where I want to be in life and feel good. At the same time I still strangely miss her. She really was a great person and I did plan on being with her forever.its been a long time since we were together (8 months). I don’t really understand her at times with how emotional she has been after this long time.
My advice, is to work on yourself and get back to being who you are. Go out, have fun and reconnect with friends. This is what has helped me the most. I still have my times of being sad about losing her but overall I do feel ok.
Thank you for your response Suzy. It has been awhile now since we last posted, I hope all is well with you and life is great. I don’t even know if you come on here anymore, but I still wanted to reach out and say hello. It has been great hearing the things you have had to said and I found comfort in your responses.
Thank you for the responses Dara and Daniel. Daniel I guess for me since we were together for 8 years, I always expected a reason from her for the breakup. I understand she doesn’t need to give me one,I guess I just hoped for more. In the beginning I asked for a solid reason and she didn’t really say much if anything. It’s been a long time since I asked for anything like that.
Nice pick up line Dara, I got a laugh out of that. I’m not sure if I have a better chance, but at least she knows I still care even if it’s from a distance. If we do meet up I will do the eye contact and she how she responds to that. Thanks for the advice.
Hope everyone is doing well!!
Dara- nice mike Tyson Video. I have learned to accept that no matter how hard I can try to forget my ex thoughts will always be there. Having dreams of my ex is something that happens often for me. I’m sorry you are still torn about your situation. I hope you have more great days than bad. In a way I’m a little envious of you because you got some closure at least. I havnt gotten anything from my ex.. No reasons of the breakup after our very long history. As always I wish you the best.
My update:
So this past week was my ex birthday. We have been broke up for 5 months now, it was alittle more than 4 weeks of no contact. I was torn on what to do for her. I decided to have flowers sent to her work and I sent a card to her house. So the day of her birthday I called the flower shop to make sure everything was ok and my order was processed cause I ordered online two days prior. When I called they said the flowers were delivered the wrong day, the day before. I was not happy, and the I thought…I didn’t hear from her so I guess she she won’t contact me about them since she already has them… The flower shop said the were going to contact her to make sure they were delivered to her. It kind of made me upset because she has never been rude. So alittle time went by and she responded. She said she didn’t want to tell me she got the flowers early because she knew it would upset me. She was very happy cause it was an early surprise and even sent me a picture of the flowers. She thanked me many times and seemed to be in good spirits about everything I did. We then texted alittle the next day, she asked me how everything is going and we chatted for a bit.
My question is what should I do next? I still really do care about her after the NC. I would think she would have to figure I wouldn’t have done nice things for her Bday if I didn’t still have feelings. I also always get confused why she always acts so nice when we talk. I would think by now and esp after a month of not communicating if she didn’t have feeling she wouldn’t have been so nice about the gifts. She wouldn’t have responded or said not to do that ever again.
I believe doing NC aiming for getting ex back is a break for moving on! That slight hope somewhat backfires!
I had this same exact thought today. I feel the NC is really just that. My experience now 4 weeks in after 3 months of contact is you start to lose the feeling of being with that person. I still have thoughts esp since we were together for so long but I don’t think about her as much. Days go by faster now. I still hold slight hope but know it’s very unlikely.
Dara you are wise my friend. I enjoy reading your posts!
Joe how have you been? Hope all is well
I have tried to stop doing a lot of things we did together. Many of the things we enjoyed together I no longer do because I still get an upsetting feeling. I won’t cancel the subscription to the magazine I got her. It was a present to her and it ends at the end of the year. She gets one every two weeks lol and I kind if feel good knowing she gets it and it’s a reminder of me.
I’m not really sure what to say to you about how your ex is making you feel. I have a hard time personally showing someone I care about anger. I can’t imagine how frustrating it has been for you. It really stinks that a person can change and that she isn’t giving you the respect you deserve. It can’t be easy being treated unfairly by her. I hope one day she does realize what she did. You seem like a very nice and genuine person and don’t deserve this esp from someone you were with for so long.
“That’s just me realizing I deserve better than what she’s given me the last 6 months.” You have to do what is best for you and like you said become a confident perfect. I know you still have hope for a reunion and it makes total sense because of the length of your relationship with her. It’s hard after such a lengthy time of being with someone to really picture starting over and because you still have love for her. Starting over after such a long relationship is something that really scares me. I built and put so much into a relationship and now it’s all gone and I’m finding it hard to move on more then a night with a girl. I just haven’t met anyone that I feel any connection with more than superficial looks. My ex was a really good girl and I find it hard after the few I met to imagine meeting someone better.
If you think you and your ex will reunite, how do you think it would happen?
As this NC continues for me I find it hard to imagine a situation where she reaches out to reunite. I feel like she now will think since I haven’t reached out that I have moved on without her…. I know a stupid thought b/c she’s the one who walked away. Sometimes I wish she wasn’t as nice during this breakup because I never got any closure from her.
I hope you had a nice weekend Suzy
