mike2014

i don’t need him anymore although i would still like him to come back.

Yea, and I think this is something we both will go through for awhile. Past memories will always be there for us. Our exes were both good people it seems so we don’t have those negative thoughts others might have of their partners.

I feel with your time line I started to feel just like you are at the same point. It becomes a turning the corner phase cause honestly we had too. Iv honesty been trying to get away from some thoughts I used to have. In order to fully move on their are things I will need to forget to not associate them with her.

I think doing what you want now is very important. It’s really a chance to live life and try new things. I don’t know how long I will be single, but I know being single won’t ruin my experience in life. I did always enjoy doing things independently. I also have been doing more things with friends than the last couple years when I somewhat shut myself off.

My mood today is content I guess.

Thanks Atea as usual your words mean so much.

I will be pretty much meeting her right after work so I don’t think I will have time to get a few in me lol. I am looking forward to having a nice fun time. I feel like we already have a decent amount in common and have talked quit a bit so far. I’m usually pretty good one on one compared to a group setting where I tend to just try to blend in. She picked a pretty nice restaurant to go to which is nice as well. So far she seems classy and that is something I prefer most definitely. I’m sure we will both be nervous so I’m not too worried about that. I have to remind myself to not over analyze everything or compare her to anything. I feel this date compared to the few others is different because so far she seems like a good girl compared to the other which I didnt have any expectations for.

Thanks for your advice, it’s much appreciated!!

Have a nice Monday

Aphrodite,

That is a friendly text from him. It does seem like an invitation I would assume. What his intentions are tho, it’s really hard to say. Maybe just you guys talking a bit can start to attract him. If he continues to be friendly and such maybe then it could be a good time for you to go see him.

On my end I feel like I have really hit the point where I have shared everything in here lol. I enjoyed all of you giving me your opinions on my situation. I don’t plan on not coming on here or leaving at this moment. I just know I’m down to one thing and that is laying it all on the line to her. Giving it that final talk and see what she has to say. I need answers to why she has acted the way she does and explain why if we can’t try again then I need to disappear out of here life. Maybe one day along time down the road we can be friends, but can’t go on like this has been right now. I realized last night when talking to a friend, one who really helped me out the most that I’m still scared. Him and his wife welcomed me into their home when I was at my worst last spring and summer. I got alittle drunk last night and he asked about her. He just said the same thing everyone else has said. It seems she still cares by her action, but I need to find out and get it in the open. It’s really hard to imagine 8.5 years really down the drain and I am scared to totally lose her, but it is a must for me. I know this is it and all I can do. It’s hard to imagine losing my one time 100%, but really I already have. This will all be done by the end of March.

Thank you all so much for your opinions and thoughts. I just really know what I have to do next.

Unimare,

Good to hear you are doing ok. About the letter, when I asked her in December she said she keeps it by her bed on nightstand and looks at it often. She said it’s too emotional for her to read it. I agree with you an open relationship would have never been a possibility for me, but too each their own. I also was never in a relationship were we weren’t close in proximity. It’s hard for me to judge someone in a long distance relationship. It seems like your ex got cold too often and didnt really know what he wanted. Maybe this was good for you so u can find someone who will really want to be with you and be warm.

Nothing from the letter has changed. I didn’t ask for her back in it. Just some of things I said in here I said in here. How I understand why she did what she did. How I know at this moment she needs her space to work on herself. How I will always try to be there from her but understand right now she doesn’t want me in her life. How I’m sorry couldn’t offer her a family and marriage at that time. Shared some of my favorite memories. I just asked to respond if she had any thoughts and I’d like to hear them. I plan on meeting up in March after my bday. She is going through a but now and it’s not a good time with her stress level. I’m still to,caring about her feelings even now which is bad.

Atea, what you said in your last few posts makes sense. You both need time away to make the relationship stronger. You both need to,release the issues that you were fighting and start new if possible. You are both getting older so your next relationship will be stronger and more mature cause you will both will fully committ. Hope that happens or you met someone willing to do that.

Well, this new girl is pretty great so far. I’m alittle surprised actually. She seems real reserved, is educated, and has a pretty good job.she also likes and worked in sports. We have been talking pretty much now the past few days consistently. She actually asked me out of Wednesday, my kind of girl lol. I will see how it goes. I’m going to not bring up my past relationship unless she asks about my history. I’m at a point where it’s been pretty long so I can’t let that be a scapegoat for a future relationship if it’s a possibility.

Have a great Saturday all!

Belle I understand, best of luck

I feel like asking her about the letter is pointless now if I want to have a final talk with her. I will say this I do beleive she can’t open it because she is a weak person in that sense. I know she just wants to avoid having a final talk cause she can’t handle it. All her emotions tells me she really did love me at least but sometimes love isn’t enough. I know she is just scared to go back because of our ruts. When we did talk it got ugly for her like I mentioned about stomach pains and crying. I think she honestly thought I would just disappear because of what I once said along time ago about when it’s over its over for me. For her to say to me I thought u called to yell at me shows me she is guilty about ending things…I never yelled at her before. It’s just not my character.

Open relationships have to be really tough wow. I understand why you did it though since you were both in college and away from each other. I’m like him I wouldn’t ever want to know because if I did I might go crazy lol. Even now I can’t think about the possibility of her hooking up with someone. I can’t think about that. It would eat me up inside. It seems like your time away in college would have been enough for him to have his freedom in a sense and know whether you are the one or not. It’s not like you both were together everyday since 15 where you didn’t have a chance to be away from each other and be independant. This is tough to ask, but I will. Do you think he is really scared to tell you he doesn’t want you again? That he really does love you but maybe doesn’t want to be with you forever? With the open relationships and you both being away for awhile I think that might have been enough for him to experience life without you and now be willing to really settling down. I just keep thinking about my friends story about asking for the break during college when he was away, but then when he went back home after school he knew he wanted to be with her and marry her and was ready to settle down. I can’t speak for your situation because I don’t know him, but I feel like he had some space. I think the fact you are dating and preparing for a future without him is really good for you now. Even though you never know what will happen it seems like you are starting to think forward about a new life.

My tinder game is picking up lol. Some girl messaged me last night and we have been messaging all day. We have a lot in common. She is big into sports and went to school for what I did. I think I’m going to ask her out. We have been talking for like 6 hours.

There are some things that are big turn offs for me:

1) a
Needy and clingy person. I can’t deal with talking or constant texting all day. When we were at work we barely reached out till we were both done. Then we had a quick talk tom see how each other was then would talk every night at 11 if we didn’t hang out. We both enjoyed out independence and doing things for ourselves. This is why we lasted so long together.

2) I can’t deal with a possessive person who needs to know what I’m doing all the time at every minute. I’m a trust worthy person and she never had a reason to think otherwise and neither did I. My friends girls would literally call for 20 minutes straight till they picked up the phone. It’s like you told her you were playing basketball, why the eff would she keep calling you. I would have needed a relationship like that at halftime of the basketball game. I would go play golf on a Sunday for 5 hours and not even take my phone with me. Never did I receive a call or text from her because she knew where I was. If she did text she would say I know your golfing sorry to bother you but just wanted to let you know this or that. Call
Me whenever you are done.

Maybe I’m really doomed and was spoiled?

I just really have been doing a lot of inner thought.

I feel like I know the reason why it ended. If you take our first 6 and a half years it was a lot different than our last two years. We had 2 serious talks over the last two years. Before that it was like the honeymoon phase. I would change for awhile and then revert back to being kind of shut off in the last two year.

We both got in a rut personally and it was hard for both of us and that was a huge huge reason for the breakup. Also she told someone who told me she said we reached a stalemate and were not progressing and moving forward. Like she said to me it’s like a weight was lifted off her shoulders. I can’t argue with any of those two reasons. I don’t need her to tell me that cause I already know. A big part of me does think she is probably better of without me. The other part says that I have changed a lot and worked on myself and am back to the person from the first 6.5 years of our relationship. I know now what she deserves from me and would be such a better partner. I have tried to show her the more positive caring person she fell in love with through our talks and meet ups. I remember her saying one night that she appreciates how supportive I have been and positive and that even though we aren’t together i have been there for her more than family and friends. This was when we were talking a lot in the first two months. She also said this is the person she always wanted and who I was in the beginning in October when we met up and that she feels bad because of all the nice things I have done since the breakup. Like the flowers and thanking her parents through email for how great they were to me. I think it was all just to late.

I also struggle with what the definition of love really is. I don’t think I really understood totally what it meant until we broke up. I now understand just how much I really did love her. It’s like they say, you don’t know what you have/had until it’s gone.