mike2014

I read you other posts and I will definitely respond tomorrow. I had a very long work day and just got home. I am spent and would feel bad giving a half a$$ response to you. I didn’t want you to think I’m it ignoring your posts. Hope your day has been well

I can definitely understand and sympathize with your situation. I feel like most of what you have said is what I been going thru and went through. I think out of everyone I talked to on these message board we have the most in common. I can relate so much and others don’t understand because they don’t have as long Of a history as we did with someone. It’s so hard to separate yourself from someone that you were with for so many years. Everything you do now you still feel intertwined with that person. Throughout the day so many small things come up that remind you of something. I still get the notion to text her about something that happened in that day to talk, but catch myself. It was such a routine to share everything with that person or talk about your likes with them. We still have magazine subscriptions. Ones she ordered for me and likewise that we get every month.

When you say she shut down a few months b4, the same happened for me. We didn’t argue over it, we both just shut down and stopped having serious conversations. We didn’t talk about what was bothering us,but we both knew we were not happy with certain insecurities individually. I didn’t lose my love for her, I just wasn’t well and she wasn’t well and it put a strain on us. I understood completely when she said she needed time to be selfish and work on herself. The only problem was something good happned for me right away and I got better fast. At this point I wanted to be there to help her and understood my mistake in not being there at the end. I showed her my positive side and she thanked me many times and said I wish you were like this the previous few months in showing
support, but she wasn’t well and needed to do it on her own explains she doesn’t know what will happen in the future.

And you are so right about others not understand and think its easy. They are not the ones who have to deal with the separation of a loved one who you spent so many years with growing and living you lives together.

It really is tough. Feeling down especially in the beginning is the worst. Even now after these months I have my sad moments. I don’t necessary think that you by the definition of this site really broke NC. You kept it light and didn’t talk about the break. It appears you are on a good track with your life and that is great. It’s also good to see you are getting your confidence back. How long were the two of you together and how many months before the break did you start to notice her changing and this crisis take effect?

The weird thing is that we never became each other’s worst enemy or had any big fights. We were together for 8 years so yea she probably does still think about me. We had many great times and memories. She really was my best friend and not just someone I loved.

I understand your point and I believe the same happened to me. Even though she wouldn’t ever admit that she was upset about not having a family or being married I think that played a role. She is also turning 29 this year and I think all her friends having kids and getting married upset her. We had a good think for along time, but neither one of us could really financially make the next step. It wasn’t just one of use holding back but both. We never really had a talk about the next step or what we both wanted in life ( a big regret i still have after 4 months). I just felt since we couldn’t take the next step how i could never bring it up. Once we broke up and we met a few times, I told her what i wanted in life and that I always wanted to get married and have a family together and she said he never knew what I wanted because we didn’t ever talk about it, but i believe it was too late.

I also understand the I don’t know when she will get better and become happy. It is really weird how someone can get so down and things can wear on them. I saw it happening toward the end and I also wasn’t in the best place. We can never be happy unless we both get better and I am there now and she even said she realizes this. I know she is not better yet, and like she said she really doesn’t know how long its going to take her. She even told me that I don’t have to wait for her to get better because she just doesn’t know how long it will take and it isn’t fair to me. She has said she doesn’t want to lead me on. I so badly want to be there for her now and help her through this, but I know she wants to do it solo and that hurts me.

During the breakup, she only speaks of her flaws and how she just wants time to figure out her life and see who she is without me

This is exactly the same for my ex. It really is crazy that it is identical. Do you hold any hope for a reunion?

I’m also in the same age range of you guys,29. I dated my ex for 8 years and I’m still not close to being over her. I didn’t do NC right away and we texted every night for the first month and a half, mostly her reaching out. It’s been about 3 weeks now of mostly NC and the past month and a half have been not much. I’m trying hard to not reach out but it isn’t easy. I know I shouldn’t feel like this but after such limited contact I feel like I could possibly never hear from her again and I wonder if she thinks since I havnt reached out that I don’t care about her anymore. What kills me the most is that she would always say she doesn’t know what will happen with us in the future and needs to find herself. A big part of me hasn’t given up hope.

If been going out and meeting girls, but still don’t feel great when I do it. I’ve also increased my drinking but limit it to mostly weekends so it doesn’t interfere with my work. The situation we are in is really tough. When you are in a relationship you don’t think about what you could lose and for me I took a lot of it for granted esp the last few months.

Is there anything you guys have been doing during NC that seems to work the best to help? The only thing that seems to keep me at peace is work during the day and playing a lot of golf after work even though there have been times where she will pop In my head during that. I’m trying to stay active b/c when I’m not doing something is when my mind races the most.

I’m sorry that I included myself in your conversations and I hope you guys don’t mind.

Reading peoples thoughts on this site has really helped me. I thank all those for sharing their stories and those who gave me positive words on my posts. I’m on 4 months now and it’s still hard. For me being with someone for 8 years and then not doing the things we did as a couple is taking me long to get fully over. I know it’s hard on her as well, but I’m giving her space to figure out her life and even though the past two weeks of no contact has been tough I know it’s for the best. What bothers me is that she always says she doesn’t know what will happen when she gets herself better. I’m a person who doesn’t deal with uncertainty well and would almost rather her just say it will never happen, but she has never said that. I know i still love her and regret how I let a girl who I fell in love with at first sight get away cause of my own laziness and that bothers me the most. Giving up hope is tough but I hope one day I can come to peace with the situation.