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Posts
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Hello All,
I’m so glad this Website exists…… I’m already going nuts but I’d be going off the edge if I hadn’t found this site.
Short and sweet…
Me: 29 …Her: 34; GF and I have been dating for 2 years. It’s been a pretty rough relationship, with lots of ups and downs to date. However, despite the personality clashes, we’ve managed to connect on a very deep level. We literally became best friends as well as lovers. Unfortunately, we still argued like an old married couple. The last two months have been tough, with arguments becoming more frequent and tense. About two months ago an argument quickly escalated to a point where she refused to answer calls/texts. Unaware of some of the things I’ve learned here, I was persistent with calls and texts. Ultimately, leading her to say she no longer wanted to be in the relationship.
I backed off for a few days and made absolutely no contact. About day 5 or so, I stopped by her place to talk; although she wasn’t the happiest to see me, we eventually reignited the flame and rekindled the relationship.
Ever since any little argument has resulted in a conversation about breaking up; which results with me acting clingy and not wanting to breakup. Along with these arguments has come a rise in the lack of respect she would give me; pretty much walking all over me.
Last week (Monday), we had plans to hang out after work… she completely blew me off without even a phone calling telling me that she had decided to do something else. In fact, while waiting at my house for her, I called twice asking if she was on her way. She replied “oh sorry, I’ll leave here in a sec.” After waiting for over 2 hours (she only lives 5 mins away) I called again and she said that she decided to just stay home. I was enraged! I drove to her place (I know… not a good idea), a big argument ensued. I told her how she didn’t respect me and just didn’t care about me or my feelings. I said I didn’t want that anymore. She said that she didn’t mean anything by it and that I should calm down because “you know, we’ll be back together in a few days.” I kept going on and on asking her to apologize, which she did (to make me shut up). She then slammed the door and I went home. The next day she came to my place (while I was out) and took her bicycle from the backyard.
I have not made contact with her since that Monday (1 week) and neither has she … It’s been extremely tough.. I love her and want to be with her. I have read the advise on this page and not sure if I should continue the no contact.. Because it was me that said, “I didn’t want this anymore” and I made the mistake by going to her house and making a scene. I want to apologize but not sure if I should. Another part of me wants her to apologize and call…
Please help!!
I posted the above yesterday.. .. it never made it onto the site.
Update: I called her to apologize, only to find that she changed her number. Not only her cell number, but she also changed her house phone number ( I THINK IT’S OVER FOREVER 🙁 ). Strange thing, the at&t message prompt on her house phone gave the new number..(no!! I will not call.) But I really want to…
Please help….is it truly over?….do I have a chance? …….do I just continue no contact?Hi Joe,
It sounds like your in deaths door (Relationship rewind) if she has gone to the drastic measures of changing her numbers….1 week seems to me a very quick timeframe to change multiple numbers.
I Think your best chance for now is to follow the 5 step plan on the website, I personally think from reading you should keep up the NC, as although it was you that said you wanted this.
From what you described what she was doing before you 2 finished, she was been quite off with you…I mean if you were waiting for 2 hours!…even if she decided to go home, a text or quick call would of been nice.
Try not to think of anything at all, do the NC and work on yourself and analyse the relationship arguments, me and my ex argued a lot too like yourself but it was also very intense….Doesnt mean that either one of us thought it was the perfect relationship or even right one.
Joe,
I finally found a story that resembled the last 3 months of my relationship. The last day I met my ex (apart from random coincidences during NC) was the day I went to her apartment to apologize to her. Just like you she had made a doormat out of me and walked over me even in the presence of others. On the day I went to her house to apologize, she blocked me on Facebook. I found that it was a mistake to apologize. Moreover, on that day she told me to get out of her life forever!
I did NC for about 85 days and wrote her an email similar to the one on Relationship Rewind meant for people at Death Door. It worked and she replied to me. However, I realized that her angry tone is somewhat there. I find good changes but I believe it will take me a lot of energy to continue that relationship. Its extremely hard to be treated as a gentleman when someone is used to treat you like a doormat.
I recommend you to do NC for 2-3 months. Just like what I did. Make a lot of changes in your life. Even go on some dates. I believe there are chances for you!
I was just like you about 3 months ago! I truly understand you Joe.
Be free to update us!
Thanks for the replies!! They are really helpful.
Wow…Dara… 2-3 months of NC is rough; but I’ll try my best.
I was really an “A”hole the last day we saw each other. While I don’t agree with how she treated me; I still wanna apologize (maybe its the addiction to her that Kevin’s always talking about).
So I guess my question is, should I do NC until she contacts me? Or do I do it for a set amount of time? I plan on reading relationship rewind soon, but right now I don’t know how to get out of Death’s Door.
One more question, (since shes changed her numbers) How do I go about making contact in the future? I have an email address… and unofficially I have her new home number.. Which by the way, I called again (her old home number) and now the disconnect recording NO longer says the new number.. Like she called it or someone call it.. realizing that it gave the new number out.
I cant even focus at work!! its like I need a rehab or something!!!
When you first make contact again use the email address you have. Dont want to call the new.number and.freak her out.
Joe,
You have been acting needy for a long time. Just like me, your ex probably has an image of a needy person in her mind.
I don’t know what’s happening but about 3 months ago there used to be 3-4 posts everyday so I would read the stories and Kevin’s comments. I remember that Kevin did not “recommend” apologizing soon after the breakup in some of this comments. Perhaps that looks needy but polite with our understanding.
I truly understand what you say because I also went to her house to say sorry to her.
In Relationship rewind, it is suggested to do NC of 2-3 months when you are at Death Door stage. I have read this section maybe 3 times because it was meant for me. Again, don’t contact her with her new number. Email her.
Yeah, I believe its some sort of addiction.
Dara,
Did you and your ex get back together?
All,
I will continue NC for 2-3 months; But I can’t deny, that inside of me I’m hoping she will call me sooner than that.
I have been actively chatting with other women (maybe even too much); everywhere I go, I’m constantly checking out women and even get a few numbers… IS THAT BAD?? Its like I’m going extreme on getting in touch with new women…. I don’t know if I should be doing that or not… I guess I don’t like to be alone.
Feedback?
Joe,
In January she went to OR, WA, CA (we live Eastern zone). In her email she said that its true that she will probably move to OR. I have a new hypothesis lately. She met her ex bf and other friends in January. They had a great influence on her. Our fights started since January and she was the one who started them all. She wanted to make me angry/frustrated so that I give up the relationship. To support my hypothesis; she was supposed to graduate in December or next May. She had a new plan for her life since January which did not include me.
No! I did not meet her. In fact, I don’t care much about meeting her. It’s true that she dumped me but I am much better looking, more successful, etc. than her.
You are in the right tract. I am also chasing other girls. I had a date today. That will help you to move on much faster. Maybe this is one of the reasons that I am playing it cool.
I am sure non of those girls will come to your life for long but it a good way to get over your ex. I can say that I am addicted to ask for numbers lately. I don’t feel bad even if they reject. I feel good that I start a conversation in which I ask for a number. Do it man!
Hi Kevin/Everyone
My ex and I have been broken up for about 6 months now. After the break up we still hung out every day as if nothing had happen and it still felt as if we were together just not with the title and that went on for about 3 months. It all stopped when he came over and saw a guy friend at my house who I have told him I had no interest in at all. It just went down hill because he had an ex who did the same thing but he read text that showed otherwise. Anyways it just felt different and I got upset because I felt like he gave up on us because of him just assuming things. I tried to apply no contact and it lasted for about 3 weeks because the 3rd week he was really persistent in reaching out to me from texts, calls, Facebook messages(btw we aren’t friends on Facebook) Facebook posts and so forth. One day he invited me to the movies and I let my friends in my ear and agreed to go and I have to admit I was acting as if I didn’t care when deep down I just wanted to throw myself on him. The movie “date” was good and we even texted and everything the next few days. Well he is a DJ and he likes this girl who is a singer and that weekend he had two shows in the state she lives in and I heard nothing from him while he was gone but I knew they were going to hang out and I was use to not talking to him when he traveled. Of course when he got back he tried to reach out to me and I hung out with him . What’s funny is he would send me screen shots of Facebook messages from my account and tweets from my twitter and just starting arguments about who I was talking to and how he’s happy that I’m finally happy. So we just stopped talking. The next day he texted me saying he doesn’t want to hate each other but he was hurt and can we work on being friends. I told him we can try and we agreed to meet up that week. That same week the girl he has been talking to came down here to record her album and I felt a certain way that he didn’t tell me and I found out on social media from one of his friends. So I just told him that I will leave them alone and let them be and I will work on what I have going on. He immediately starting calling me and texting me saying why am I acting like that and blah bla blah. Eventually we agreed to be friends and everything was going GREAT until I noticed that he was going thru my texts, pics, call logs and trying to listen in on my calls to see who I was talking to. I just laughed it off and he said it would bother him if I went on a date and didn’t tell him. Hmmm I thought that was weird and also he would talk to this girl whenever he was at my house and I never said anything and I would even leave out the room for them to talk and being a “friend”. One night he went outside to talk on the phone and without thinking I got irritated and told him to pack up his things and leave. He then texted me the other day saying I needed space away from him because I couldn’t deal with him taking a simple phone call alone. I politely replied that since he couldn’t deal with me talking to other people and that’s why he goes thru my phone I understand he needs space away from me and left it at that. We didn’t communicate for two weeks and while in that two weeks he was with this girl he likes for a week because they had shows together. When he came back of course he tried to reach out and I ignored him for a few days. Then I reached out to him and we met up and he hugged me for what seemed like forever and he kept telling me how he missed me and he thought I wasn’t going to ever talk to him again. He even told me how the other girl is interested in someone else and showed me a picture of her and the guy together and that she didn’t tell him because since they have been just friends she didn’t think she had to. However, she doesn’t like that him and I still talk, she tries to change the clothes he wears and that he cant post pics with girls and he seemed a little annoyed. I noticed there is heart by her name and I told him that was cute. I havent talked to him in two days but I am confused on what’s going on. Should I still remain friends with him or should I just move on. I still want to be with him but I’m not sure if he is falling for her of if there is still a chance or not. HELP PLEASE!!!
Hello Joey,
I think you already know that NC is a must..It’s ok to go on dates but try not to lose yourself..I beleive you need to find out what you did wrong and try not to do it again. I’m not the right person to give such advices but try to become better, change and wait. have patience and she may regret the break up. If you have common friends you an ask about what she’s doing and when you find a good oportunity and if you still want to be with her, you can try send her a text..Be calm and never get angry.. I hope you’re more lucky than me..Yonni,
I believe him stalking you is a sign that he cares about you. From what you said, I got a feeling that he wants to be with you. Maybe he is trying his best to not act needy/clingy. I believe you have chances. Just be cool about it. Maybe you panic because you want to run things faster.
Best of luck Yonni!
Dara
Thanks so much I hope you are right and I agree I just want it to move faster but I’m impatient because I feel as if when we aren’t talking they are talking. However he did ask me if I was upset with him yesterday because of some tweets his read and I said no and he even said I’m sorry with a sad face. Then called me to hang out but I was working. So I hope we are working toward us and he is not just trying to hang on to me in case him and this new girl he likes doesn’t make it.
Thanks so much
Dara/Kevin/Everyone,
HELP!!! I screwed up!!!!
I went on her social media page with a bogus account I created a long time ago.
What happened is, that it sent her an email saying this person viewed your page.
The reason I know, is because it sent me an email saying that her account viewed
my page.
I changed the name on the profile to something other Joe But I’m
sure that it sent the email to her as soon as I viewed her page… With the name
Joe. I changed the name on my profile but I made the name change after I viewed
her page. So I’m sure it sent an email saying “Joe viewed your page”Its probably obvious, cause it said Joe viewed your page and then when
she viewed the profile, it all of a sudden had a different name The only reason I
knew all of it happened, is because it sent me an email saying she viewed my
page.I feel like I screwed up bad!!! She probably thinks I’m stalking her online… I wanna contact her…Why??… I wanna defend myself… I’ll tell her that I accept the breakup but apologize for accessing the page? I’m on day 8 of NC….. and Im already at deaths door….WHAT DO I DO??
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