Is it over?? Please Help

Joe,

On the 4th night of my NC, I was terribly obsessed with what she might be doing! I want for a walk around 1 a.m. Then I felt like I should see her car! I spent a half an hour to walk to her house! I did not see her car and got pissed off! I had no other choice than to assume that she has gone to her best friends house who is also a single girl!

There were also other things that worried me. Like she is doing a lot of makeup after the breakup but I assume she’s doing it because she feels rejected (because I accepted the breakup). Or once a friend told me that she saw me ex walking on the street and she is so cute. I felt really bad that she is attracting other boys!

Joe, whatever annoys you, find a positive reason for it and stick to it until your emotions subside!

a.z.,

I truly understand you! I also do things that superficially make no sense but deep in my mind they make sense. I admire what you do/did! In fact, deep in your thought they make sense but they cannot be written down (probably because that is a conclusion of too many ideas kept together)! I believe in long term those actions bring no regrets!

Best of luck a.z.!

Joe your story is nearly IDENTICAL to mine. I’ll make my first thread with more detail and a finale at the end to make you throw up. But thought to add a snip as your situation is about the same. Trust me, I was at the deaths door too. Changed number etc.

Me: 30
Her: 32

2 years together. Lived together.

Break up: her.
Reason: build up of bickering/arguing
When: last September.

Total time of seperation: 11 months currently.

Contacts during 11 months: 2. Both her initations.

No contact first 2 months. Out of the blue in November, Sunday, I get 2 private calls and hangs up. Then 3rd call finally she spoke and started bickering drunk. Wanting me to come by. I didn’t make it.

2 weeks contact went from civil to disastrous. She changed her number.

7 months later (after me dating multiple women still constantly thinking of her, her too with guys) she private calls then texts me drunk.

I was a little shocked, and drunk at the time too thinking one of my friends were playing a joke on me.

2 weeks later with no contact she texts me at 2am saying its her. And calls me drunk. Again to come by. This time she was REALLY wanting me too. By then it was almost 4am and I had to get up for work. I couldn’t make it.

Now past 3 months we have on and off contact. Drunk texting EACH OTHER. Hot cold hot cold. Few weeks ago her wanting come by to spend the night. Next days cold. With threats she’s going to change her number again.

WHO CALLS someone 10months down looking for “closure” if they are supposedly “completely done” with the person? So I took it as she was just “gaurding” her emotions. I still think so too.

Joe, go no contact. Your only chance. The more you stay quiet and hidden, the more she will think of you. The not knowing will bother her. Especially if she’s anticipating some sort of contact from you. And doesn’t get it.

She’ll start to boil over time.

She’ll catch herself one day in a lonely or depressed state and contact you. I’d give it 95% chance she will.

Be prepared and careful. Don’t lose the ball and bombard text her and gnat it. She’ll be turned off. Trust. I messed up. Got lucky months later. But I still slip up and gnat it here and there. Hence is why I’m here to avoid the deaths door again.

Keep up the good job joe,i’m really happy for you 😀

Hey,
If you think the feeling between you and the new girl is developing faster than normal.and you are still dealing with the break up pain.and also that girl is recently out of a relationship,then i think its a rebound for both of you.
But don’t worry,whether it is a rebound or not,its helping you feel better.and you still want your ex back.so there is nothing to worry about.
About the age,only you can say if she is mature enough or not.

And about what you did last night,its ok.Don’t do it again.
Read the NC part of the article again and follow it.
Be sure you will feel better soon.

Nice Joe! And you’re OK just try to avoid your ex. I’ll get into that in just a second. Long post.

The break up is still fresh. I wouldn’t put too much thought with the new girl as it’s still very early. Just continue enjoying each other and building on that.

I was fortunate enough to meet a great woman a week or so after my break up. I met her by luck one night through my cousin. She’s related from my cousin’s side of the family. Dated for about 2 months basically seeing each other on a daily basis. I was up front with her from the start that I just came out of a long relationship and didn’t want to rush into anything. Fortunately she was mature about it and didn’t care until she wanted a relationship with me later as time went on.

I told her I think she’s great but I still wanted to continue to build on our friendship. Thankfully she was very understanding but we eventually took time off. We’re still in contact with each other and plan on meeting up this weekend.

That woman went well. The next woman I started dating afterwards did not. She was very jealous and pushy.

Now, back to the front with the ex.

For one, your ex is most likely anticipating your going to pop up, out of no where out of a bush. It’s definitely good she didn’t see you.

I did the same with my ex and I’m glad she didn’t see me. Eventually we saw each other at a bar over a month after our break up while I was out with that woman and my friend. I was shocked but played it cool. We didn’t say anything to each other. My ex left shortly and gave the cold death look to the woman I was with. I’ll get into that later when I make my own thread.

Joe,

1) If and WHEN you receive that text or phone call… DO NOT BURN THE BRIDGE.

Don’t say anything that will get to the point of “no return” when the contact gets uncomfortable or heated.

2) Don’t give your ex any ammunition or anything to confirm her “hate” for you. Or gossip to her family and friends for “support”

You want to leave her thinking with some positive thought and feeling. To where she will “bite the bullet” and contact you. Regardless of past “baggage”.

3) You want her to be unsure. To start boiling over time and contact you again. And again.

Trust me I want to say some mean things but I know I’ll lose the match. And my ex calling me months down for “closure” to move on, that’s what she’ll want. An excuse to reconfirm her “hate” for me.