Is it over?? Please Help

Hello ALL (Dara, Mordicai, AZ, Sunshine and others) and welcome Otherone,

WOW!! Its been a little while since I’ve posted on here. Its not that I don’t have much to update (cause I Do!!), I’ve just been super busy with work and life that I haven’t had a chance to write anything. However, I have been reading the oldies posts and a few other threads….. I’m hoping that everyone is doing well.

Lately, like others have realized, I’ve also been avoiding posting on here cause it is a bit of a downer and a reminder of all the crap we’ve gone thru and the crap that others (like us) are just starting to feel. Regardless, this is a great place for support and knowledge.

Here’s the updates:

I am currently a little north of 2-1/2 months of NC. Things have been going very well with me. I’ve made tons of progress; of course, I still think about her and wonder what she’s doing from time to time. However, its not nearly as much as it was before. I worry about my day to day and my goals first; thoughts of her come merely as an afterthought, a quick thought that just goes away.

As I’ve mentioned before, I have come to the conclusion that my ex is not a good person and is not good for me. I was so deep in the relationship (doormat) that I overlooked all the negative and just wanted her so bad that I didn’t care about anything else. Regardless of how I felt, it was her that would never change…. Even now, A part of me wants her so bad.. but the things I want are an illusion of the relationship and not a real image of what the relationship really was… YOUR BRAIN MAKES YOU THINK OF THE GOOD AND IT WANTS TO FORGET THE BAD. That’s why the activity of noting down the negative/bad things works so well (keeps it fresh on your mind).

I’m still a number getting maniac… I notice girls left and right; I’ve gotten so many numbers lately that its impossible to keep up. Just like Dara said in an earlier post; I get numbers and most of the time I don’t even call them or follow up. It was almost like I wanted to know I could get the number. My therapist said it was normal and just a self defense mechanism to get our self esteem/confidence back. I did meet a cute lady a few weeks ago and I did go back to her place after the bar and well…… that takes care of knocking that task out.

When I heard that time heals; not only did I not believe it, I also didn’t want it to happen (didn’t want her to forget about me)…. But its the best thing and it’s inevitable to happen.

I’ve still been seeing the therapist that I started going to… I’ve actually hung out with my therapist on a few occasions after my session (drinks and dinner). NO NO NO… Nothing happened, it was simply a friendly hangout…. she is way cool, and I’ve learned so much from her…

OK HERE”S THE JUICY UPDATE: (MORDICAI, if you’re still out there, you’re going to want to read this… Your a Genius bro!!)

So…. as I mentioned, I am currently going on a little more than 2-1/2 months of NC. I haven’t heard anything from her during this time period. 2 weeks ago, I started receiving incoming calls from a private/unknown number. A total of 5 calls came in that week and I didn’t answer any. Of course the calls got my mind wondering about who it could be, but I didn’t answer any and each time no voice mail was left. Last Saturday (10/04), I got two calls in a row again from a private number. This time I answered the second call…”Hello, Hello” I answered…. No one answered but someone was listening. After my second “Hello.” I hung up…..

After that last call, I was really really curious as to who was calling and if there could be any chance that it was her..

Having some tech savvy friends, I remembered hearing about this app that unblocks private calls when they call you.. SO.. I went online and purchased this app.

For the next week, I didn’t receive any private/weird calls of any sort. That was until this last Friday… I had a therapist session and we had agreed to grab dinner after. So here I am at dinner with my therapist sharing a bottle of wine. Now at this point I had already shared the fact about the incoming calls with my therapist. Her thoughts on the matter were the same as mine…. Its was most likely her making the calls.

Anyway, here I am having dinner (Firday,Around 10 pm) with my therapist and my phone starts to ring….. Private call!! My therapist says, “Don’t answer it!!” Having already known about the app I purchased, I asked her if it was ok to activate the app and unblock the number. She said it was ok but again warned against answering. So, I activated the app and it unblocked the number.

It was her!! The number was from her area (I know nobody from there, besides her) and it was almost identical as her old number. (if you remember my story, she changed her number when we broke up). I was SUPER SHOCKED…. I had a feeling it could have been her.. but I wasn’t sure. (MORDICAI YOU CALLED IT!!)

Anyway, three calls came-in in a row that night (from that same number, private first and unblocked by the app). I didn’t answer any!! The next day was quite, no calls from private or that number.

Sunday, (yesterday) I received two call from that same number (8:30 am and 12 pm); both came in blocked and were then unblocked by the app.. I didn’t answer either one.

So far today has been quite… no suspicious calls or anything.

Although, I feel somewhat good that she is sort of reaching out to me; this situation has completely brought her back in my thoughts. I find myself thinking more about her. Not as much as in the beginning; but much more than I have been lately.

My therapist says its just the beginning…. She believes that this is just her first attempts at reaching me.. and when this doesn’t work, She (my therapist) believes that she(ex GF) will step it up in attempting to reach out to me.. She says, don’t be surprised if she shows up somewhere out of the blue or something else.

So now… its in the back of my mind that I may just run into her somewhere.

I say this to you guys and I said it to my therapist… I AM NOT READY TO SEE HER!! I am too weak. I will break if I see her, I’ll fall right back into whatever it is she’ll say and I’ll be that doormat again.

I said earlier… “I know she is not good for me and that the relationship was not good”… but no matter how much I know it to be true, I know that I’m super weak for her!!

Not only that… the really sad part is… Here I am assuming that she is wanting a relationship again… She could just be reaching out just out of curiosity and nothing more… 🙁

I will continue working on myself and ignoring whatever calls do come in. If I see her… I’ll just run!! (I think I would at least).

I am so sorry to ramble so much on this post!! I thought it was some interesting stuff!! I’d love to hear your guys’ thoughts!!! I’ll keep you guys posted if anything else comes up.

Otherone,

I’ll read your post later today and post my comments. If you haven’t read my previous posts on this thread; I suggest reading them, as it will make this story a lot more interesting!

Thanks,

Joe