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I feel like I screwed up bad!!! She probably thinks I’m stalking her online… I wanna contact her…Why??… I wanna defend myself… I’ll tell her that I accept the breakup but apologize for accessing the page? I’m on day 8 of NC….. and Im already at deaths door….WHAT DO I DO??
Should I contact her or not?
Joe,
That’s fine! Don’t panic. I believe there are thousands of people with name Joe. So maybe a part of her is be confused about it. I believe she also looked back at your profile right? Did you have the same surname? Lets see the positive side! Now she as a question to ask you!
Don’t call her, don’t contact her, don’t do anything. Just continue your NC. What is done is done. I also know professional social networks that inform who viewed whose profile. For this reason, I don’t use them to see what my ex is doing lately! By the way, that professional social network that I know does not talk about the surname!
Dara, Thank you!! reading your last message stopped me from going to her house yesterday. I was literally outside her complex, then I read your message and went home. I guess I was thinking too much about what she was thinking about me. What I realized is, who cares what shes thinking.. What matters is what I think.
So anyway thanks Dara!! I’ll continue with NC
Where’s Kevin BTW?? I could use some of his input on my whole situation..
You’re welcome Joe! Probably Kevin is busy. He’s been here for years!
In fact, people like a.z., Edward, Daniel, Steve, Festival David, Rihanna and I have been here on this site for a while. We used to read his comments when he was more active here. I think we can guess what Kevin would recommend to some extend.
You are absolutely right! What matters is what you think!
Stay strong dude!
Dara,
How long has it been since you and your ex split?
A.Z., Edward, Daniel, Steve, Festival David, Rihanna,
Please read my posts… I’d love your opinion… Thanks!
Our breakup happened about 100 days ago and my NC started on it 95th day. Though, we exchanged some email about 10 days ago.
Joe, I recommend you to read some of the stories on comment section of the main site (5 steps….). Kevin was really active about 2-3 months ago. When you read the stories and his comments, you’ll get an idea on how it works. Just like me, you may find some stories resembling yours. I used to read every new story when I was new here. When you apprehend the trend, you can even comment on other posts! 🙂
Please help me!! My name is Kevin
I’m 20 and my ex girlfriend is 18. I love her with all my heart and she claimed the same and even told me everyday. We were the happiest couple and couldn’t get enough of each other. We had been dating for almost a year when she all of a sudden wanted to break up and was very vague as to why.
I treated her the best I could. I’m a genuinely caring person and I always did my best to make her smile. I was always there for her when she needed me and always did my best to listen and give advice when she was feeling depressed. We were both always obsessed with seeing each other as much as possible.
After a few days of her breaking up, I brought her her favorite flowers and chocolate hoping it was just a bad time she was having. After 30 minutes of talking (and me practically sobbing) she told me she had sex with somebody else within the first couple weeks we started seeing each other. We were technically hook up buddies for a while until it manifested into dating.
Yesterday, after she told me I went ballistic and said horrible things to her out of spite. I’m willing to overlook it since it was back when we were basically just sex buddies.
Any thoughts that may help me out? I removed her from Facebook to keep myself from looking her up and breaking no contact. I even foolishly messaged her today apologizing and said I love her but I will get through this even though I want her back more then anything. Her response was “why did you say those mean things?” And I explained I got caught up in the moment and we weren’t even serious then so I can forgive you. Please help me.
HEY joe,
Sorry i didn’t reply to your post before cuz i saw Dara and David responding and we have almost the same opinions most of the times.but i just read it.You should continue NC for 2-3 months.if she contacts you anytime before atleast 45 days ,you don’t have to answer it.
NC here means that you should cut the communications and you should stop stalking her.you don’t have to check her profile not for her but for your own good.stop thinking about what she might be doing.
You were right about the rehab.its actually the same thing but in this situation,only you can help yourself.when you break up with someone you love,its like a drug addiction.the same part of your mind orders you and wants to get as small doze of it as it can.but you should ignore it.its tough but you can handle that. i remember i didn’t even check my fb’s home page for a full month,i used to open my profile page,upload some photos and that was it.you want NC to be more affective so you should do that.
There is nothing you can do to make her change her mind right now.you should continue NC otherwise you will push her further away.
Don’t worry if you have been acting needy,she will forget all about that,she will forget the bad memories and she will begin to miss you.Don’t worry if you were the one who said it was over.it doesn’t really matter.
Work on yourself,concentrate on your life,try to have a good time,go on dates,do what you always wanted to do,make positive changes in your life.you need to impress her after NC,so she needs to see the changes.Leave her and everything about her for a little while and focus on yourself.avoid any negative thoughts and all of us will be here to tell you what you should do next.
Sign up to kevin’s email series and i recommend you to read the Relationship Rewind.
Hey kevinmusicro,
please create your own thread.and its ok.read the article and you should follow the plan.
Hi Joe,
Likewise with A.z I didnt reply since my first comment because although I saw your comment afterwards, Dara had already hit the nail on the head about the panicking and the NC.
I dont have anything else to add really, except that In my opinion…I think the fact that you no longer have her phone numbers…that its actually a blessing in disguise!
So Im actually hoping for your sake, that you didnt write down her new number or remember it.
The hardest part about NC for me and im assuming others is, forcing yourself to not contact them!..Ive gone through blocking her number so I cant see if she contacts me…to unblocking it incase she does contact me…then re-blocking..then unblocking coz I think I should force ymself to have the mental strength etc and around in circles I went! haha
…so if you have actually forgotten her number I would say take it as a good thing!..you wont be constantly trying to ring/text her…Carry on the NC and about checking out other women and talking, thats completely normal and definitely not a BAD Thing. Its not been too long so flirting and talking is very good to boost your confidence and distract you…but I wouldnt do anything sexual for at least a few weeks…you dont want to be the one who ends up in a rebound!…but its flirting is definitely good!!
Keep this up and in a month you might make a post here saying “Ive realised I can get other women and I no longer want her etc”…Who knows
Keep it up 😀
A.Z, Dara, David,
Thank you so much you!! I am going to continue with NC.
Yesterday was a good day, I had a very positive outlook; I went out with old friends and had a great time.
I woke up this morning thinking about and missing her. I don’t know why, but it seems like the mornings are the toughest times for me. It’s like I get startled awake thinking of her.
Anyway….. I feel better now (a little better). Weekends are particularly tough.. I wonder what she’s doing, who’s she going out with..etc. I hate it…. I don’t want to think those things but I do. I often get tempted to drive by her place just to see if she’s home…. I know that’s not healthy but a part of me feels relieved when I see that shes home. (I’m crazy huh??!?).
Well.. some good news is, I had one of the girls that I’ve recently met (exchanged numbers with and have been texting) ask me if I had anything going on tonight.. sounds like I could possibly have a date tonight.
I sometimes wonder if its a good idea, I feel like I’ll put too much emotion quickly into the situation, almost to replace the ex. Any thoughts?
A.Z, Dara, david,
On another note, I was wondering about your backgrounds. How old are you guys? Where are you from? Did you get your exes back? (I know Dara’s story but not the others) A.Z (no disrespect) but are you male or female? LOL!!Hope to hear back from you guys soon!!
Joe
Hi Joe,
Thats really good to hear, dont get me wrong, you will have ups and down days!…I still dream and think about my ex a lot too and its been 4 months+..but I also feel a lot better about myself the fact im not needy etc and well dreams are dreams…you cant control them!
As for driving by her house, you shouldnt be doing that as you know :)…but your not crazy when it makes you feel good, it makes you feel good coz you know kinda know shes not out with other guys, getting drunk doing stuff etc…thats all normal
As for my background, you can probably find a few bits on the main comments section if you search, I also made a thread on here just recently so you can see what im currently doing. But basically I split with ex in heat of moment and then after few weeks realized and she wouldnt get back with me..also found some other stuff out.
Im 25 (26 in 3 weeks)…Male and from UK 🙂
Hey,
Whatever u feel is totally normal.give yourself some more time and be sure you will feel better.
I have been there before,i mean all of us have been there so we exactly know how u feel and that feeling doesn’t last forever.
Do whatever you like,go on dates,have fun.don’t worry.whatever it is ,its gonna help you and it’ll boost your self confidence.I’m a 23, female and from US
I posted my story for those who are new here ,somewhere below steves post last night and i’ll copy it below.I broke up with my ex 5 months ago and he never came back,i applied NC for 34 days.he contacted me.we kept contacting each other for a month and he was talking about his feelings and how much he loved me and…we met and he started crying and said that i’m the one for him and we should work on ourselves so we can get back together in the future .
I went to another country and we had an argument and i went on NC again for 20 days ,he contacted me , kevin suggested me to break NC and he kept talking about his feelings for me but he never asked me to get back,i got back here,he asked me out twice and every time i brought some excuses. i played lots of mind games and i never showed her how i felt for him and it made me sick and also pushed him away.We had another argument like a month ago,he texted my best friend and told her that my bad behavior is the reason that we are not together and he said he doesn’t want to get back with me.
he called me the next day and explained evrything and again told me that he loves me but we can’t get back together because he can’t forget what i did and that i haven’t changed and getting back will cause more and more arguments and he can’t handle that. and IF someday everything will be ok,then we can get back together. ( it was more like we can never get back together LOL )
He texted me after 2 days and then we were in touch again until 11 days ago.
I said i’m sorry for whatever i did to him and he said he forgave me.i told him how exactly i feel for him and i said we should finish this cuz non of us can move on when we are still in each others lives.He said he loves me and he can’t do that,he can’t forget me and he can’t handle finishing everything between us out of nowhere and asked me to give him a chance to meet me.
I have been working on myself to see him for the last time and i’m about to start NC forever 😀 .
So wish me luck
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