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Dara,
You deserve better, she was probably cheating on you before breakup but truth is, it doesn’t matter anymore. Knowing it can only hurt you more. I know you’ve been through a lot with her, but if you did get back with her, do you want her todo this again? No right, that’s why you deserve someone better. We all know that you will find an amazing girl physically and mentally attractive. We are all rooting for you Dara!

Rihanna,
We should all be FB friends haha maybe we can all meet one day =P

Everyone and most importantly Dara,

A few things to update….

So although I’ve been doing slightly better these last few days, I took the advise of a friend and went to go see a therapist. YES!! a THERAPIST!!! Trust me, it wasn’t easy getting the nerve to see a therapist over an ex.

Let me tell you, it was the best thing I could have done for myself. (DARA pay close attention to this part, since our exes are similar) . I started to tell the therapist about my ex, about 2 mins into my description the therapist stops me and goes on to describe, (what she calls this type of relationship). As she begins, she is 100% describing my ex and the relationship we had. To the point where I stopped her and asked if she knew my ex. It was a 100 % detailed description of my ex and her personality.

I asked how she could so accurately describe the situation; her answer was as follows, “These types of relationships are very common. The type of person your ex is, is common in these types of relationships” She was able to say with certainty that my ex has a personality disorder similar to that of a narcissist, but for women she said they used a different term. These types of women, Primarily use sex and their looks to draw in a man. Often seeking confident and successful men, as its more powerful to pull in someone of that nature than it is to pull in someone who is weak and vulnerable. She compared her to a black widow; she also told me that she will never change. She said that, these women like to prey on confident guys and start to pick away till they make a hole at which they can attack ones self-esteem. It all stems from insecurities from within themselves.

Shes told me to let go and move on. she said that I should never contact her again and should she contact me, to just avoid her completely.

I told her that I just wanted closure and explained that our last conversation (last time seeing each other) was a huge argument that lead to the break up. she said, “what did you expect? A normal sit down at a coffee shop where you guys agree that things aren’t going in the right direction and that you guys should end things. Yeah that fine in a normal relationship with a normal person. But this is relationship is not that and there’s really no other way its going to end besides crazy.”

She called the relationship an “addictive relationship” and similar to an addiction to drugs it take approx 90 days to detox and begin to feel a change.

She warned me that I’ll mostly likely be contacted by her approx 3 months down the road. she said it happens just about the time when you start to feel that you completely over her. I told her that I can’t help but feel that I want that to happen (her to contact me). “it’s normal to feel that way now” she said. But when the time comes you should be ready to just ignore that contact and keep moving forward.

I mention that now if I don’t hear from my ex in 3 months that I’m going to feel shitty and depressed again.. She said, “Don’t feel that way, just know that she found her next victim.”

she said, “Look, I’ve been doing this for over 20 years, I’ve had clients where I was able to pinpoint the exact day that an ex would contact them. I telling you that she’ll probably be contacting you around that time. there’s more power in trying to get you back (someone who walked away, someone she is comfortable with) then it is to get someone else.”

She told me anytime I start to think about her that I should write down 3 negative things about her and focus on that. she also said that I should avoid talking about her. It doesn’t help the with the withdraw effects that I’m going thru.

Anyway….

I know I wrote a lot (with a lot of he said she said, SORRY!) but that’s just a bit of the detail she went into. Seem like a lot of what she said I already knew, but hearing it from a professional with technical lingo helped put things into perspective. Also, it entailed many aspects from the thing we’ve learned from this site..

Joe

Spot on Joe. You know about my ex. She contacted me twice and I said it before it was indeed around the time where I was moving on.

It’s like she knew telepathically and would inject.

That’s why I kept saying your ex was going to contact you too. It could be this month or months down.

I’ve had it with other women too and seen it happen to others.

Hey guys

Dara – Wow dude I missed a couple of intense days with you. I thought I was struggling with issues regarding my Ex. It sounds like you are in a better place now. I hate with a passion how girls get that ‘one word’ answer mentality, if not total ignore when you are trying to be polite. I had that years ago with a previous girlfriend. At the time it was mutual decision to breakup and I didn’t have the same intense struggle as I am having now. But I remember I bumped into this ex at a party about a year after the breakup. I decided to be nice and ask how she was doing etc. The entire conversation was me asking questions with her giving one word answers like “fine”, “ok”, “good”. She didn’t ask one question about me. After a couple of minutes I left her and chatted to some other people. It was just confirmation to me at the time it was the right decision for both of us to breakup with that snobby attitude she was displaying.

Joe – I love what you shared from your therapy. Thanks for that. While I wouldn’t put my Ex in the same category as you and Dara. What is interesting is today I got the email from Kevin about profiling your girl. I took the test and answered according to my Ex personality and most of the type of girl hit the spot to what I thought

This paragraph copied is from the survey results Its what I felt perfect for me and so very, very, true to what went wrong with my relationship

“At the same time she must not feel smothered – she needs to feel free to choose to be with you. This is where guys slip up with women of this type – they try to smother her because they fall in love with the amazing sex.”

However I liked how your therapist nailed exactly what you type of relationship you have been in and I’m sure she will have good ideas for helping you through it.

Rihanna – Ahoy there Girl 🙂 Have been lurking here, just staying quiet

A.Z – Want to hear all the juicy bits about your date, please do tell 😛

Truth is last couple of days I have been extremely depressed. Before the breakup I had never suffered depression like what I’m experiencing now. Sure I had been down, but never for this length of time. Its tough as I feel I’m not making any progress forward in my life and I feel like my life is very “Groundhog Day” (If people understand the reference. Most nights its sit at home and I may get out one night a week

I know some things that will help in my own life. The first being exercising. I am a big advocate of regular exercise, just the last couple of months due to it being very wet and cold I have done nothing at all.

My social life isn’t great at the moment either. Other then my best friend who doesn’t get out as much now that him and his wife have a child. I don’t have any close friends. I have meet a couple of new guys to hang out with last couple of weekends, but that like one night a week and they don’t know much about my past/Ex issues. Don’t want to scare them away…lol

Also I haven’t had a good night sleep the past few nights. Two nights ago I lay awake until 5am just thinking about my Ex…crazy I know after 4 months since breakup. Then I got frustrated since I wasn’t falling asleep. Had a frustrating day at work yesterday and by the time I got home I shut the door to house and started to cry for nearly 2 hours. I felt so pathetic.

I still miss my Ex, been 56 days since I last reached out to her with a text. I struggle as I want to reach out to her to talk. But I know just the mental state I am in at the moment is so unattractive and needy, it will only make things worst and won’t bring her back

Sorry guys, just having a vent and let out today. Hopefully not scaring you guys away either

Have fun Dara! Let us know how it goes haha so many people going on dates!

Edward,

Thank you! It’s getting fun hanging around new girls! Now, I feel like kissing them, hugging them, flirting respectfully with them, even buying flowers for them! They don’t run away now! I play it super-cool! There are some numbers that I have that I did not call yet! ha ha ha… Too snobby (and cheap!)! Sorry! 🙂

Rihanna,

I can never realize the truth! The only evident fact is that we are broken up and she has been so rude and impolite with me!

Yesterday morning, I wrote her a goodbye letter! I wrote that dating someone is beyond my tolerance and I am talking to some girls now. I also added that I’ll be in relationship with the one I find the best! I wrote her my last words that I had never spoken because they were meant to be the last words! I also did not attend a meeting that we both could be there! I also criticized her for not changing after 4 months and still using taunting language! Last night her best friend posted a picture of them hanging out together! Considering it to be a Friday night hangout, if she meant to imply anything it could be that they are single! Unfortunately, my last words are my last words and I’ve said them!

Last noon, I spent time with this super sexy girl and I attended a big party at night! A girl that I had previously asked for her number was also there! She was with a guy but made a sneaky move and came to me to say hi! The guy saw this move! ha ha ha… It was all fun!

Ladies and gentlemen,

Giving up is really fun! I believe that a.z. has given up this time! We did not hear from her lately and it means she is doing great!

I guess, I should expect some moments feeling empty sometime soon!

Will be glad to hear updates from everyone!

Thanks!

Joe,

I emailed her! What you said makes sense! Thank you!

In addition to wishing her good luck, I wanted to let her know that made-up stories and mind games were cheap. If I simply said sorry (and acted like a f*ckin’ doormat) I just wanted to hang on this relationship. I mentioned that I expected her to change after this NC! Joe, I don’t feel like a doormat anymore! This matter’s for me! I don’t give a sh!t to what she might assume! However, since it was in a confident tone, I don’t think that she has any sense of neediness about me!

I don’t regret it! Thanks for input Joe!

Hey Dara

So envious of you getting out and talking to all these girls. Good on you mate. It sounds like you are completely over your ex, so it really doesn’t matter about the letter because ultimately you don’t care if she receives it well or thinks you are the biggest jerk. I suspect in the coming days we will be hearing from you about how one of these girls is getting a little closer and the beginning of a new relationship 🙂

A.Z – Where are you????? 3 days away with this guy that you went on a date. I remember hearing a joke about two guys boasting about their sex lives. The first guy said that over the weekend him and his girlfriend had sex 6 times and it fantastic. The second guy replied that he had sex only once the entire weekend. The first guy asks “well what did your girl say to that when you got up this morning to go to work?” The second guy replies “Please don’t stop, this has been the best 48 hours I’ve ever had”

Rihanna – You have been quiet the last few days…everything OK? I might flick you an email if I don’t hear from you later on

Quiet weekend for myself. I was walking to work on Friday and it started to pour with rain, I got soaked and didn’t have a change of clothes at work. By the end of the day my nose was blocked and I have spent most of the weekend so far with a small cold and lying on the couch watching TV. Urgggh. At least I feel so miserable I am not thinking about my Ex