August 6, 2014 at 6:28 pm #1719
Its really nice to see you here,and yeah it feels like home again.i have been kinda homesick lately 😀
Yeah,you are totally right.i guess he really was the one for me.but i have learned a lot.i know i ruined my relationship but i’m not gonna make the same mistakes in my next relationships and i’m sure my ex is not the only one i can love like this.
Thank you very much.i feel really good.i’m really happy to have you guys in my life.
I really wish you best of luck,you have been doing great and your NC is almost over.keep up the good job.i’m sure your gonna be fine 😀August 6, 2014 at 6:56 pm #1724
There is a guy named mistahanson101 who likes to hear your advices.so could you please go and read his story?August 6, 2014 at 7:00 pm #1725
And also other oldies,he wants to know your opinions 😀August 6, 2014 at 7:19 pm #1727DanielParticipant
- Total Posts: 191
Everything is starting to sink in for me. I realized that no matter what you do you cant control your ex’s feelings. If they dont want you back it means they really dont. Even if they miss you or cry over you it does not mean they will change their mind. They will really create space between the 2 of you. It does not matter how long NC you make or whatever you text them. If they made up their mind its over. All you can do is focus on what you can control and that is yourself. Its sad but its true. Damn i feel a bit weak today.August 6, 2014 at 7:40 pm #1730
I agree that nobody can control someone’s feelings but i’m sure there are lots of things you can do in order to change their feelings.
Yeah,if they someone doesn’t want his/her ex back,she absolutely made his mind but no one said that its permanent.it may even be permanent but you can’t say that its always the same in every situation and relationship.
I personally broke up with one of my exes,i made my mind and i didn’t even want to hear his voice.then after a few months when i started a new relationship,i wanted him back again.
And once,i broke up with another ex,and i never got back with him.
I do believe that we can’t control their feelings directly,but the way we act,and how we make them feel,can make them change their minds.
And i would never say i miss you to someone i don’t feel anything for.
What happened?why are you so disappointed buddy?any update?August 6, 2014 at 8:51 pm #1734mike2014Participant
- Total Posts: 297
Reading peoples thoughts on this site has really helped me. I thank all those for sharing their stories and those who gave me positive words on my posts. I’m on 4 months now and it’s still hard. For me being with someone for 8 years and then not doing the things we did as a couple is taking me long to get fully over. I know it’s hard on her as well, but I’m giving her space to figure out her life and even though the past two weeks of no contact has been tough I know it’s for the best. What bothers me is that she always says she doesn’t know what will happen when she gets herself better. I’m a person who doesn’t deal with uncertainty well and would almost rather her just say it will never happen, but she has never said that. I know i still love her and regret how I let a girl who I fell in love with at first sight get away cause of my own laziness and that bothers me the most. Giving up hope is tough but I hope one day I can come to peace with the situation.August 6, 2014 at 9:51 pm #1738RAEDParticipant
- Total Posts: 133
Oh hi, Oldies!
I guess what you are planning to do now is good. If you feel like you missed a step which is re-attraction, it wouldn’t hurt to do it. After all, I guess if that is what you think, you cannot fully move on since you feel like there is some step missing. You can try the re-attraction and if it didn’t work then reevaluate things. If you feel like you’ve done everything you can then maybe it is time to pack up and leave.
I am not a believer of false friendship, sorry. I was doing it before then it sucks. Lol. Because I was playing it cool around the ex but then I realized it did me no good because I was also fooling myself. Trying to act happy towards her but I really am not. As if I am also playing some mind games on myself. So what I did was ask her to meet personally because I cannot go on like this forever. It is like all or nothing. If she doesn’t want me the way I want her then I don’t want her at all. Not even friendship.
So we talked and I told her I want her back. But she rejected me and so it hurts. But after that I felt a lot better because that was the sign I was asking for if I should move on. Because of meeting her personally and knowing the real score I was able to decide that I should move on. Because I don’t want to waste another months to come to wait who will take the initiative and who will lower that f****g pride and ego.
So now it’s been a month since we last talked. She was the one initiating contact before and I think she got tired so she no longer contacts me. And I wouldn’t give in to whatever trap she made by not contacting me. I will never be the one to contact her first, she broke up with me. I did chase for 2 plus months and I told myself I’ve had enough.
She posted i miss you and I don’t know if that was for me but I just ignored it. I am moving on and I don’t want her back. Because of the breakup it became clear to me what I want and what I wouldn’t want in a partner.
It is hard to be with someone who had given you a space in his life but you don’t know exactly where. As for me, if you keep thinking where you stand in someone’s life then maybe it is time to stop asking and start walking away instead. If he wants you in his life, he will make an effort to do so. And the moment you start questioning whether he loves you or not, maybe he don’t. He might just want to keep you around for backup. A. Z. you are no one’s plan B.
The mantra that has helped me to move on is this:
“Don’t go around chasing people. If someone wants to walk out of your life, let them. Maybe they are not meant to be in your future. Your life is with those people who stay.”
“The Universe does not take what it can’t replace”
🙂August 6, 2014 at 9:53 pm #1739RihannaParticipant
- Total Posts: 209
Hi everyone here 🙂 I’m glad the oldies are back yay!
a.z you’re doing great girl, and I agree with steve here, 6 months isn’t a long time to completely forget someone you love especially if you feel he’s worth fighting for. A person’s worse enemy is his own ego so listen to your heart and follow suit especially because you’re not needy and enjoying your single life… I’m glad you see that flirting with guys is non sense at the end of the day and that you’re blossoming with strong self esteem. I’m in the same boat as you, I haven’t had the chance to reattract him because of LD, but today we texted and we’re going to talk on the phone bit later so that’s good. Also, he told me he’s quitting smoking and taking tablets to aid him in that which I’m proud of him so he hasn’t been “ignoring” me but he has his own issues, this is where LD sucks because we often misread what’s really going on in their minds and doubt ourselves for it. You are doing great and keep going, but if you feel like you can’t move on do fight for him in the right way, good luck and big love xxAugust 6, 2014 at 10:26 pm #1747RihannaParticipant
- Total Posts: 209
Hi my oldies 🙂
I just spoke with him and he sounds really sick so we cut the phone call short cos he said he’s gonna collapse lol. He’s taking tablets to aid him quit smoking and it’s making him very sick though he still has shoulder pain. Today he has an opening in a big court for an art piece he did and he’s not sure he can attend 🙁 … I told him he should it’ll lift up his spirit. Also, he turned down a residency for 14 months in Germany because he wants to concentrate on his future and having a career other than art. I adviced him that he should give Art a rest altogether for a year and concentrate on studying something that’ll give him a better future… I love art and i’m an artist myself so I’m not discouraging him just advising him what’s best for the future, it’s only a year and he’ll get better in the meantime. Anyway, I’m getting tired of his downfalls but if it’s love, we’ll support each other no matter what. And i’m ready to help him out and seek his help for things too… we’ll see how things go, and by the way, we’re just friends 😉August 7, 2014 at 1:45 am #1765FestivalDavidParticipant
- Total Posts: 35
Do you remember once your ex said,she thinks when you break up with some one,you don’t know if you want them back or not until they move on and you realize that you want them back??
I remember that.it was in one of your posts on the comment section like 2,3 months ago.i think we should do the exact same thing.if they haven’t moved on until now,they won’t move on until the next few months i guess.
Even if they start a new relationship,it hurts but its better for us.we believe that we had a perfect relationship with them.they will start comparing the new ones with us.and i’m really sure that its not easy for them to have a really good relationship like they had with us.
I certainly do remember ha, good memory ;)…Your post and what you said is currently exactly what im thinking.
She already told me in that text conversation that she cant move on whilst texting us “not yet” anyways is what she wrote..she also doesnt know what she wants etc and so yeah…I think NC is the only way they will think theyve lost us again…and like we both agree…they will certainly come get us when they want us!
The Thing that ive been thinking for a few months and helping me to get past/over the thought of “her moving on” if and when it happens is this….
So what if she sleeps with a guy when we are both single…if she wanted me back after she did that..and I wanted her..I would take her back…but then I think would she take me back if I did the same? I dont know and thats kind of why I havent moved on completely…but if its love surely she would..she did it with her other ex…Love is a 2 way thing.
but then in that conversation that I posted the other day, she actually even told me to move on..and that if she wanted me back, that me sleeping with a girl wouldnt stop her from wanting me back, if she decided she did want me back..and I think that should ring true..whether it does or not..i dont know.
But you are right in that we both should carry on NC and let them realise what theyve lost…if they never realise, well then I dont think our relationships would of worked for the future anyways.
I think maybe the moving on is part of the healing process for both parties, how do our ex’s know that they are the ones when possibly everyone else is telling us that they are “plenty of fish in the sea”…how do they know how great and unique we all are? Until they actually attempt to move on and compare us to the new guy? Like Kevin says in the 5 step plan.
Same for us…how do we REALLY know they are so special until we attempt to let someone else in and give them a chance?
Great to see how happy you sound and good to see that you are both still contacting each other and been supportive on a regular basis 🙂
Keep it up!
xAugust 7, 2014 at 3:32 am #1771GiuliaParticipant
- Total Posts: 82
Hi! What you said is absolutely right! I’ve talked about my feelings and my plan of action only to my two closest friend, and I know that they’ll not say a thing because I trust them and they support me.
what I meant with the mutual friends was that they were concerned about me during the first days of the break up and they supported me, I didn’t initiate the conctact with them, they were the one to do it. I guess they really care for me, and I couldn’t be happier. I don’t have conctact with them now because I’m focusing on myself so they don’t know anything, no one knows apart from those two friends (wich are not mutual).August 7, 2014 at 7:23 am #1779RAEDParticipant
- Total Posts: 133
If you could please give some advice to Smily whose thread is named as “Y he broke up with me?”
I cannot fully give a sound advice because I want to punch his guy on the face. Lol Thank you!August 7, 2014 at 8:01 am #1783
Woooow,its good to see all the oldies agaain :X:X:X can’t wait for Edward to come here.
I’m so glad to see you have become that strong.and you are right,i’m never gonna be someone’s plan B.for now i’m just continue what i have been doing and i will improve my life as much as possible.i believe is we are meant to be,he will find a way to get be back.and thank you very much for the beautiful quotes. thank you old friend xxx
Thank you so much,you really are artist.you made me feel so good with your post:).i’m following a mix combination of what you guys told me.and first i need to continue NC and check his reaction.you know what? even if he won’t ever get back with me,that’s fine.i’m ok with it. but i can’t let myself ruin everything more than i have done until now.if he is really leaving,i want to see him.even if that’s for the last time.no matter what happened after the break up,i believe he was an amazing boyfriend and a best friend.and i’m sure thats how he feels about me.i can really sense that he can’t be with me because of his issues in his personal life.if i were him,i would do the exact same thing.
I really do sense his feelings for me and i’m sure its not false.
Even though thinking of falsefriendship really freaks me out,but if we are not getting back together,i really hope that someday i can be his real friend.
And Rihanna,i admire your patience.you show me how to love.and you are doing great.i’m sure everything is gonna be better soon.wish you all the best in your love life xxxAugust 7, 2014 at 8:09 am #1792
You are right,i think we have a good plan 😀
Lets not focus on what they me be doing.we are really more important than them.
I’m sure that no matter what happens,we are gonna be fine.
Best of luck oldiesAugust 7, 2014 at 5:17 pm #1874SteveParticipant
- Total Posts: 142
Great to see everyone is doing well overall, even if we have our highs and lows.
Rihanna – So happy that you still have good conversations with your Ex, even if he isn’t in a great place with his injury and depression. The fact you can be there to support him speak volumes
FestivalDave – Great to see you posting here and I love your thoughts and I have been thinking along the same track as you. That our ex won’t know how great we were until they compare us to other guys and realise what a catch we were. (Now I can’t fit through the door because my head and ego is so big…lol)
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