September 2, 2014 at 10:58 pm #5981mike2014Participant
- Total Posts: 297
I have tried to stop doing a lot of things we did together. Many of the things we enjoyed together I no longer do because I still get an upsetting feeling. I won’t cancel the subscription to the magazine I got her. It was a present to her and it ends at the end of the year. She gets one every two weeks lol and I kind if feel good knowing she gets it and it’s a reminder of me.
I’m not really sure what to say to you about how your ex is making you feel. I have a hard time personally showing someone I care about anger. I can’t imagine how frustrating it has been for you. It really stinks that a person can change and that she isn’t giving you the respect you deserve. It can’t be easy being treated unfairly by her. I hope one day she does realize what she did. You seem like a very nice and genuine person and don’t deserve this esp from someone you were with for so long.
“That’s just me realizing I deserve better than what she’s given me the last 6 months.” You have to do what is best for you and like you said become a confident perfect. I know you still have hope for a reunion and it makes total sense because of the length of your relationship with her. It’s hard after such a lengthy time of being with someone to really picture starting over and because you still have love for her. Starting over after such a long relationship is something that really scares me. I built and put so much into a relationship and now it’s all gone and I’m finding it hard to move on more then a night with a girl. I just haven’t met anyone that I feel any connection with more than superficial looks. My ex was a really good girl and I find it hard after the few I met to imagine meeting someone better.
If you think you and your ex will reunite, how do you think it would happen?
As this NC continues for me I find it hard to imagine a situation where she reaches out to reunite. I feel like she now will think since I haven’t reached out that I have moved on without her…. I know a stupid thought b/c she’s the one who walked away. Sometimes I wish she wasn’t as nice during this breakup because I never got any closure from her.
I hope you had a nice weekend SuzySeptember 5, 2014 at 5:18 pm #6260SuzyLParticipant
- Total Posts: 60
Sorry it took me so long to get this reply to you. I had written a novel, and then it was deleted. 🙁 So here goes again,
Yeah, when my ex first refused to come back to the relationship, I fought her on it and one of the first things that I’d say is, “you don’t walk away from 12yr!” I also felt like the love could be rekindled in the current state we were in. NC has allowed me to understand it’s not that simple. Twelve years is a long time to just throw away, but if it gets unhealthy..then it is important to walk away. Also, in a bad situation..no one can really concentrate on rekindling the love because, at least for me, I’d only concentrate on how she hurt me. Nothing would get accomplished.
I feel the same as you in terms of not imagining finding someone we can connect with in the same way. My ex has so many great qualities, and I can only imagine having babies and marriage with her. She feels the same about me. We had a conversation the other night, and she told me that everyone else is a “dumb dumb” compared to me. She said I’m all she ever wanted in a partner, but she feels like something is missing. I asked her to make a list of things that make her happy, and that I would do the same. We then compared the list and they were exactly the same. A bit later, she told me to let her come over and make love to me. During the phone conversation, she told me she felt the same as she used to.. I played it cool, and I told her space and time is what will allow us to heal and forgive. That trying to connect now wouldn’t work.
If we reunite, it will be at least a year down the road. It will be when I can think about everything without feeling so much pain, and when I think she’s matured and really evaluated her actions and feelings. I’ll then plant the seed, if I am still in love with her, and we’ll go from there. I will NOT get my hopes up, though. I believe I can fix the disconnect, but at times..I don’t even think I want to…
You may have to be the one to try and reunite, but that’s not a bad thing. And I don’t think she will have it in her head that you forgot about her or are moving on. There is no way she isn’t missing you, and yeah..the magazines will probably keep you in her mind. lol
Closure may never come, and it’s unfortunate if it doesn’t. Just take steps to be prepared for that, and be okay with it if you never get it.
Have a good one!
SuzySeptember 26, 2014 at 6:50 pm #8996mike2014Participant
- Total Posts: 297
Thank you for your response Suzy. It has been awhile now since we last posted, I hope all is well with you and life is great. I don’t even know if you come on here anymore, but I still wanted to reach out and say hello. It has been great hearing the things you have had to said and I found comfort in your responses.December 22, 2016 at 2:42 am #71544CansueloParticipant
- Total Posts: 1
Hey there, SuzyLou and Mike2014 have described everything my boyfriend is going through. It’s good to know that it wasn’t me but he did say sudden success made him realise that he wasn’t ambitious enough and that he needs to find himself and be able to do things without worrying about me or anyone else’s feelings. Thanks you 2, I needed to read this. So applicable years later.
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