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Hey Leslie and lynnwrigley. I feel I have a very similar situation to you right now Leslie and you have no idea how much I’ve stuffed up. I feel like you’ve been doing much better regarding the no contact in comparison to me. anything my ex says and I just, I always respond and yeah its been hurting me. I’ve spent the last month crying and not even healing much at all. So trust me you’re doing well ! I would love both your opinions on my latest post, I feel we have a similar situation in a way as I’m looking at completely cutting myself off but am scared and have no idea if what I’m doing is right etc. Also how do you link people in the comments ? I’m not a forum pro at all haha.
Hahaha thanks lynnwrigley ! I am very excited and would love to do it for sure. It would be a nice way to leave things after a month of hell after breaking up don’t you think ? And he doesn’t deny that he doesn’t have feelings for me anymore or that he doesn’t just want sex from me these days but he keeps going in between yes and no for the trip, partly due to some of the stupid things I mentioned I’d said above. He knows I respect myself cause I was 21 when I first had sex and he was my first as well so I don’t understand his behaviours!
If he says he doesn’t want to go again how do you think I can convince him to go? I’m kind of over all the drama he and I are having. He’s on tinder putting himself out there like he’s a bit of a slut when he’s not, liking these chicks photos who he knows I don’t like etc. Like I just want to do this and have one last lovely memory with him before I decide to cut him off for a month and work on myself. For now I have pretty much given up hope we will get back together despite all these mixed signals he keeps giving me. Like who agrees to go on a trip with their ex, even though i said I’d be quite disappointed if we didn’t get to use it cause it was expensive for me. I know I’ve thrown him through loops regarding my emotions and that I want a relationship, then i want to be just friends, then FWB etc. and the same as him with me. People think I can get guys way easier than him getting chicks because I was apparently the more attractive one (other peoples words not mine). I just have no idea how to deal with all this, like this is probably the last great adventure we’ll ever have or for a very long time at least :(. What to do guys ?
Yeah he does want sex from me but I’ve made it quite clear that I don’t want to do that. He knows I want to but I don’t want to end up getting hurt so I won’t do it. I asked him why he agreed to do it after saying no previously and he said that he wanted to do it because he didn’t want the gift to go to waste and that it might very well be our last adventure and activity together. This crushed me and I was like don’t think about the trip that way. I was like I’m coming in with an open and positive mind and you never know what could happen. I freaked him out I think cause he was talking negatively and I was talking positively and we didn’t meet anywhere in the middle. He then sent a text saying he had to think about it again because he wanted us to go an have an enjoyable unemotional weekend away. I think I’ve acknowledged that we aren’t going to get back together he says we won’t be for a while (should it ever happen) because we both need to work through our own shit. The last month since we’ve been broken up I’ve been in denial and been his friend and stuff. He’s been really lovely about it and not just a douche that would chuck their ex to the side, he’s tried to be really kind about moving apart (despite us both stuffing each other around). I’m thinking if we end up going on the weekend away which I hope we will I will then cut off all contact for at least a month, not in a ploy to get him back but to help myself heal. We’ve both tried to be there for each other too much and it hasn’t helped us one bit and I haven’t moved on I still am so in love with him and it kills me so much that I can’t be with him.
What advice do you have regarding the weekend away should we go on it? Its clear he’s looking at the trip and our one last adventure together (at least for a long time). I know I most likely won’t change his mind on that and he’s already put himself out there on tinder to meet new women. He has never been the kind of dude to move on quickly (there was 3 years between his last gf and me) and yet here he is doing much better than I am and putting himself out there and chatting to girls. I really hope he won’t get over me or the love we shared so quickly. But yeah any advice on what I can do between now and the trip or how to convince him to go on the trip with me and what should I do on the weekend away other than act like I’m having a great time.
Hey a.z can I have your opinion on my latest post “Not so successful”. I could really use your kind of insight on it. I’m very confused.
Yeah I’m gonna start doing that right now and thats what I did when he then came to me. But its very hot and cold and i hate it. We have a movie date and a cute little picnic by the river under the fireworks for the weekend planned does that all sound promising ?
But is this really a chance that he’s giving me if he’s saying he’s trying really hard but isn’t feeling it. I feel like he pity’s me and is just doing it to see where it may go but is pretty sure he doesn’t want it anymore. Cause when I saw him yesterday, it was unnecessary of me and I probably fucked up even more but he was very distant and didn’t give me much in the way of hugs and kisses and stuff.
Also we had an intimate moment on Tuesday night after we got over our argument we were kissing a lot and really getting in the mood but I couldn’t/didn’t want to do anything. I instead pleasured him, which I regret in a way but it happened and we had that amazing moment. He definitely doesn’t seem like the guy that just uses girls. He’s pretty much only had sex when in relationships and only had 2 major relationships before me.
He’s giving me so many mixed signals though. Like he can beg me to come over but if I go over to check on him I’m in the wrong. I thought last week when he called me up and said he wanted to give us another shot that we were on the right track to starting something new again but then he said what he did last night. Like which one could be the truth, why would he say last night he wasn’t really feeling it even though the last week yet acted super happy and in love and stuff. During our two weeks off I messaged him a bit but not a lot and then we hadn’t seen each other in over a week when he messaged me and said all the positive things he did. Like he doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who would just use me for sex and stuff and I don’t think he’s doing all of this on purpose but I don’t know what to believe or how to act. I want this to work more than anything and when he suggested couples counselling I was like oh great we can talk together in a safe space but then he said he doesn’t want to do that straight away and he only meant doing it as friends. Like wtf. I’m trying to back off now and hopefully help myself and just prepare in case he really doesn’t love me anymore like he says and not to contact him too much. But any other advice would be much appreciated 🙂
Yeah I thought I would share the good news just to let you guys know that miracles can happen haha. We didn’t complete the no contact for 2 weeks at all. I was going to when I got a message from him checking on how I was only a few days afterwards, this sort of gave me an indication he was still thinking of me. He did create an account with this app where you chat to girls to distract himself etc and that got me worried but its only cause he was thinking of me that he did it haha. After he messaged me a few days after I asked if he wanted to meet in about 5 days and we went down to the park with his dog and had coffees, something we used to do when we were together (trying to remind him of these things). During that time he was still adamant that he didn’t want to get back together and things wouldn’t change. I accepted that and we messaged periodically throughout this last week, which is when i decided to help myself move forward and pack up my stuff and pick the rest of my stuff up. We then decided that wasn’t the best idea rigt now considering and exchanged a few lovely messages. He then messaged me early sunday morning asking if we could meet that night, I thought it was really strange and he just said he wanted to say hi. He also asked me to his house and this time he was really happy to see me and was hugging me and laughing and stuff. We then went in his room and had some serious talk where he started getting emotional and then it all just went up from there. Its not perfect yet, like I know he needs to see a positive change and really believe it but I know he hasn’t given up hope and is missing me heaps.
Every relationship is different so I’m not really sure what I did, he is quite a bit older than me (8 years) and was super serious about us. I also tried to be there for him and supporting him (such as when he found out he passed an important exam he called me first and I was so happy for him etc) while also helping myself (I’ve started counselling). I made sure he knew I still loved him so much and that I took things for granted. I made a grateful jar with things about him I was super grateful for and gave it to him (he hasn’t read al of them yet he said cause its hard to read) and I just did things we used to enjoy together and made the meet ups enjoyable despite the serious talk we would be doing.
I really don’t know if this will help you guys but I’ll still be on here for a while if you guys want some more info even though I don’t know how much help I could be haha.
Hahaha thank you it really wasn’t expected. I wish I could give you guys advice, but every relationship and breakup is different. I just knew in the bottom of my heart I wanted to keep fighting for him and the love we shared. I was positive about the person he was and the love he had for me which made me not want to give up on him and I made sure he knew that. Even though we’re taking things slowly and he’s a bit apprehensive because he needs to see that change before we can fully go forward but he still has hope and thats more than I could ask for 🙂
You know I feel the exact same way. I’ve been broken up not even a week now and my ex boyfriend contacted me to see if I was ok. I’m not gonna lie I broke and messaged him back and now we’re meeting up in a few days. I really have made a lot of changes even though it has only been a week. I’ve seen a therapist, acknowledged everything that I could have done better throughout the relationship but only now that we’re broken up am I able to process this all. I’ve also been doing a ‘grateful jar’ where i write a little not every day since we’ve been broken up regarding everything I am grateful for about him.
I think it depends on whether you’ve been contacted by them and how they have behaved towards you. My ex’s text didn’t seem that great but it was something that he didn’t have to do if he really didn’t care like he’s said he doesn’t.
