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Leslie,
Block him and stop worrying about how ‘he feels’. I am telling you, you will find a way to his page on facebook or wherever even by deleting an app – don’t fool yourself (we have ALL been there)!
Count on him getting mad. Count on him getting mad about the no contact. Count on him not liking the more confident YOU. Count on him not liking your boundaries either. You are turning and doing an about face. You can kindly explain to him after the 30 days that you were putting you first and moving on and to do that, it was best not to remain in contact. You can even tell him that if he texts you but when he responds, do NOT respond. I would do what I just said. If he texts or calls and says ‘Why did you block me’?! You can say (rehearse it – write it down and read or write it to him). I have decided to move on and that it’s unhealthy for me to be in touch with you while I am moving on with my life. I wish you the absolute best’. And then SILENCE. Whatever he says, say ‘I really need to get going now, take care’.
Count on all of this and count on him chasing you eventually – chasing.
Please stop focusing on what ‘he thinks’ and start thinking about ‘what you think’. You are worth it!
Hmm..well maybe you should have replied to his twitter response. He was curious and that’s why he responded to that post. You should continue with the NC until he comes to you for something with meaning. If you feel like that may be too long or want to talk to him as soon as possible, you should write him a letter. A nice, sincere letter. Nothing about your past relationship. Talk as if you are trying to start something new and healthy. What was the cause of the breakup anyways?
I so disagree respectfully with the letter. Cut this guy off – he is with another girl!
I pray you go NC. I pray you up your confidence level and gather up any and all strength you don’t even know you have (b/c you have it) and say ‘You chose not to date me anymore. And I am moving on. I wish you the absolute best but I cannot be friends with you’.Any single thing you say about caring about him is letting him now you are going to be there – and he will take his sweet ole time coming back.
Oh man, if you would just follow the NC – move on – you are going to thank me one day. And he will 100% come back.
Thank you so much! I’m gonna try and be strong and do the no contact it seems to be my best option! And yes I’m already in college at the moment.
You can do this – 30 days is not that long once you get going. I asked one friend who isn’t in contact w/ my ex to be my go to text person when I would get urges. I think it was the hardest thing I have ever done (as you know, I am on Day 28). We have different circumstances but having a friend to text when you are having a moment, is helpful.
You can do this Leslie. And just trust me he is coming back – you will wish you didn’t waste all this time worrying when he eventually does. This is going to be a game changer for you – this time. I promise you.
@15briannare I honestly still do not know why we broke up til this day. I know I started pushin him away with my mood swings towards the end and then he had an easy way out of the relationship with his friends around and this new girl that was all over him.
I’m gonna have to go with the no contact like @lynnwrigley is saying. It’s my best bet right now. I have been too nice to him he’s gonna know I’ll always be here and take advantage of that. I’m super scared about blocking him but I know it’s the right thing to do. I just don’t want to lose what little friendship we have right now butttttt I know I should. Thank you so much seriously for the advice and ill probably reach out to you guys a lot throughout the no contact because it is going to be super hard to do this all over again. But the fact is he’s still talkin to this girl and he’s also flirting it up on twitter with other girls. I’m also just scared if I block him and not talk to him he’s going to just forget about me and move on even faster.This is my prediction w/ blocking him and mind you, I am not a professional.
1. He will be mad and contact you in some fashion. You will tell him confidently and calmly in whatever way that works for you ‘I loved our time together – learned so very much – I am now moving on as you are. It’s not really up for debate but I wish you the absolute best’. Give no indication what you are actually doing. Give no big emotion. When he ‘reacts’ just say “I need to get going’ and don’t answer any questions, etc.
2. He will move on even more for about two weeks – flirting, dating, possibly talking about you to friends – he will NOT be happy.
3. When he see’s you are serious, he will start to panic.
4. The guy is coming back.It’s very often the opposite of what we think we should do, that we should do. Oh man, this is going to be harddddd – hard hard hard. Painful. Tough. You will start to feel empowered after about two weeks- you might feel exhausted b/c you the stress of all of this is going to catch up to you – and by week 4, you are going to start thinking a LOT differently.
I would say nothing about him to anyone other than ‘He has chosen to break up with me and I am choosing to move on – I am excited to be on my own and find a guy who wants to be in a relationship with me’. I would EVEN say this to my best friends – anyone and everyone.
Your guy is coming back. It won’t be a matter of ‘will he’ – it will be a matter of IF you want him back….or not. Tables are going to turn.
This is so insanely hard. It’s hard. Actions first (focus on you – new hobbies – maybe some time to yourself – new friends possibly if necessary) and then your mood will eventually follow.
I still have a hard time (so hard) but it’s so different now – it’s tolerable. There is no getting over this – you have to go through the pain of it and that sucks. It sucks. We all have to do it though.
He is going to realize ‘Oh crap, she is not messing around’ – he will test your boundaries – others will test your boundaries – I imagine he will do quite a bit to test you b/c he thinks you will cave back to the girl he knows, sweet Leslie who is there to please him. This time? You will be kind but you won’t cave.
I will come on when you need to talk – support you through it.
K, off for the night – dinner and movies – so wiped out today.
Okay thank you a lot for your advice! It’s only day one on Nc so I’ll probably need some support thought this next month or two! Thank yoh hve a good night!
Also I think what I think what makes this hard for me is because I feel like I’m getting no where cause I already have done to 30 straight days of no contact. And the reason why I would start to txt him here and there being friendly was to try and start off new, I thought I was already following the plan and now I feel like I’m starting all over. But then again, he’s still talking to that girl so idk. But what if the rebound turns into not a rebound. I don’t know no contact though is probably my best option. I just feel like I’m starting all over getting no where
Hmm..yeah, same with my boyfriend (well ex) and I. I don’t understand completely why we broke up. That is absolutely frustrating because it’s harder to move on when the past is still cloudy.
About the twitter thing, you shouldn’t worry much about it. People flirt with others when they don’t feel complete on their own so they use others to give them a small feeling of completeness. I know this because I am like that. And I’m sure you have been checking his twitter feed a lot to see what he’s been up to and how he’s feeling after the breakup. But if you feel like the constant worry of not knowing what he is doing bothers you so much, then just keep “following” him on twitter. Don’t forget to post things yourself proving that you are strong and not desperate for his or any other mans attention. But also, keep up on the NC. Make him wonder why you’ve been so confider after the break up through your posts. Make him become curious of what you’ve been up to. As far as him talking to the other girl, ignore that. It is merely a sign of him being too delicate to be on his own. I doubt that they will be together for long. After all, she is a rebound. Keep your head held high and keep yourself busy. I know as hard as it is, try to push yourself to have other things on your mind. It isn’t healthy to have the extra stress and worry about him. Remember to focus on yourself as well. Hey! Take yourself on a spa day, go to the park alone and read a book, go out to the movies with your friends!!! Stay positive, doll.Okay thank you! Only day one and I’m already dying hahahah but I got this! Especially with all of your guys’s support thank you seriously
Your new NC is about yourself. You are worrying about so much you cannot control and that is going to destroy your self esteem in the long run.
And NO, do NOT follow him on Twitter and post things to show him ‘you are happy’. This Leslie, is playing games. It’s also a sign of insecurity which you are not….at all.
If you go through the new NC like you are now and not allowing yourself to grow, it’s pretty much a waste of time. Do you know where I got that advice from? Kevin on this site. I would go back and read his plan. He shares that if during the NC you are just focused on ‘him’ and trying to get to him – show him – worry about him – it’s of no use.
I wish you would block him on social media.
I believe if you play games on social media by ‘showing him’ how happy you are, this guy can see through stuff like that so easily (everyone can). Just try to take care of you and actually you really need to focus on growing past this.
Good luck.
@lynnwrigley
I’m so stupid I broke no contact. And I can’t stop crying. I heard he went to the emergency room and wanted to see if he was okay. So I texted him and then I asked if we were friends and he said yeah really happily and then I told him how I found some old funny videos and that me and his friend were laughing at them and he didn’t text me back. I feel so stupid and upset and like there’s no hope and I messed up. I need to just not have a cell phone I feel like ugh.Hey Leslie and lynnwrigley. I feel I have a very similar situation to you right now Leslie and you have no idea how much I’ve stuffed up. I feel like you’ve been doing much better regarding the no contact in comparison to me. anything my ex says and I just, I always respond and yeah its been hurting me. I’ve spent the last month crying and not even healing much at all. So trust me you’re doing well ! I would love both your opinions on my latest post, I feel we have a similar situation in a way as I’m looking at completely cutting myself off but am scared and have no idea if what I’m doing is right etc. Also how do you link people in the comments ? I’m not a forum pro at all haha.
Leslie, you are NOT stupid – he was in the emergency room!!! I would have texted too! Do NOT beat yourself up. He responded to the first text which was good and the second he did not. It could be any number of reasons but I am sure his ego was big b/c he had his friends with him and then you texting him.
I feel bad for you b/c I know him not texting back had to be so hard. It actually hurts my heart FOR you.
It’s ok though – just go right back to NC. It wasn’t like you broke no contact calling and saying ‘Oh my gosh, I miss you so much, please take me back’. It kind of might be a blessing in disguise – like a small tease – telling you “OK, he is not ready yet’.
What you did? We ALL would do. So, what you did was ‘human’, not stupid. You are a caring person who loves this guy and he was in the ER which is scary.
You are cool. Now you know, ok, he isn’t up for talking yet which means back to NC.
Are you feeling better today?
Oh my gosh, I know the whole ‘take the cell phone away’ – haha. We are women – and not to be trusted with cell phones during no contact or a breakup – lol. I hope you laugh a little (0:
You are OK Leslie. You are doing great. You know that, right? I hope so. So, you have a heart and texted him at the ER. OK, it means you care. If he doesn’t see it now, one day he is going to be regretting now having such a loving person by his side.
Let this make you more ‘mad’….that he didn’t text back the second time. And just go NC. And whoever told you about him being in the ER? Next time they talk to you about him? Act like you don’t care.
I hate games but this guy needs more of a nonchalant Leslie. He makes me mad but that’s just b/c he is hurting your heart – not cool.
I hope you feel a little bit better.
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