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So last year for Christmas I bought my ex a little day trip activity about an hour away from where we live. So its about to expire and I was quite looking forward to us going down there and staying the night and doing the day trip I had planned. Now I’m quite nervous cause after we broke up he said yeah he wanted to do it and he didn’t want to do it with anyone else but me. Then he decided he didn’t want to do it because it makes things a bit complicated and also money reasons for staying the night etc. Yesterday I asked him after a bunch of dirty message conversations between us if I could have a week off. I said how I was trying to be there for him in all these different ways as a friend/sexually (I haven’t had sex with him since though) when all I want is a relationship. He keeps throwing me round in loops and I’m doing the same to him so I said perhaps a week off for me would be good. I have no idea how I’m gonna do it at all. My last text to him yesterday was talking about lingerie I bought and said I wanted to use it if we were together etc. and also mentioned how I would like to do the trip as if it could be a nice final thing together. But this morning I got a text from him saying he would like to do it and stuff. I have since asked why he would like to do it and he said it was a present and shouldn’t be wasted and could be fun. Which it definitely will be for us both! Except he said it could very well be our last trip and activity together and he’s not sure he doesn’t want it to be overly emotional etc. I’m so scared I want to do it and don’t want it to be wasted but he’s talking as if it’s really over and stuff.
uhhhhhhh tough situation.
Its possible that hes thinking “oh my ex wants to have a weekend sex trip before i finally break up with her, Fine with me!”
and you’re prob thinking ” ohh if i can just blow his mind with amazing sex, he’ll never want to leave me”
I think what im getting at is that you need to appeal to him on another level of the relationship besides sex if you are ever going to get back together with him. Anyone can have sex, but if your person who cant be replaced is a whole other story.
Yeah he does want sex from me but I’ve made it quite clear that I don’t want to do that. He knows I want to but I don’t want to end up getting hurt so I won’t do it. I asked him why he agreed to do it after saying no previously and he said that he wanted to do it because he didn’t want the gift to go to waste and that it might very well be our last adventure and activity together. This crushed me and I was like don’t think about the trip that way. I was like I’m coming in with an open and positive mind and you never know what could happen. I freaked him out I think cause he was talking negatively and I was talking positively and we didn’t meet anywhere in the middle. He then sent a text saying he had to think about it again because he wanted us to go an have an enjoyable unemotional weekend away. I think I’ve acknowledged that we aren’t going to get back together he says we won’t be for a while (should it ever happen) because we both need to work through our own shit. The last month since we’ve been broken up I’ve been in denial and been his friend and stuff. He’s been really lovely about it and not just a douche that would chuck their ex to the side, he’s tried to be really kind about moving apart (despite us both stuffing each other around). I’m thinking if we end up going on the weekend away which I hope we will I will then cut off all contact for at least a month, not in a ploy to get him back but to help myself heal. We’ve both tried to be there for each other too much and it hasn’t helped us one bit and I haven’t moved on I still am so in love with him and it kills me so much that I can’t be with him.
What advice do you have regarding the weekend away should we go on it? Its clear he’s looking at the trip and our one last adventure together (at least for a long time). I know I most likely won’t change his mind on that and he’s already put himself out there on tinder to meet new women. He has never been the kind of dude to move on quickly (there was 3 years between his last gf and me) and yet here he is doing much better than I am and putting himself out there and chatting to girls. I really hope he won’t get over me or the love we shared so quickly. But yeah any advice on what I can do between now and the trip or how to convince him to go on the trip with me and what should I do on the weekend away other than act like I’m having a great time.
I would go for it. I am surprised to hear myself even say that but I would.
Go – have fun -have a complete blast.He is full of it – if he wants to spend a weekend with you – he still cares and has feelings. If he only wanted sex? He would spend a night with you – not a weekend.
Hahaha thanks lynnwrigley ! I am very excited and would love to do it for sure. It would be a nice way to leave things after a month of hell after breaking up don’t you think ? And he doesn’t deny that he doesn’t have feelings for me anymore or that he doesn’t just want sex from me these days but he keeps going in between yes and no for the trip, partly due to some of the stupid things I mentioned I’d said above. He knows I respect myself cause I was 21 when I first had sex and he was my first as well so I don’t understand his behaviours!
If he says he doesn’t want to go again how do you think I can convince him to go? I’m kind of over all the drama he and I are having. He’s on tinder putting himself out there like he’s a bit of a slut when he’s not, liking these chicks photos who he knows I don’t like etc. Like I just want to do this and have one last lovely memory with him before I decide to cut him off for a month and work on myself. For now I have pretty much given up hope we will get back together despite all these mixed signals he keeps giving me. Like who agrees to go on a trip with their ex, even though i said I’d be quite disappointed if we didn’t get to use it cause it was expensive for me. I know I’ve thrown him through loops regarding my emotions and that I want a relationship, then i want to be just friends, then FWB etc. and the same as him with me. People think I can get guys way easier than him getting chicks because I was apparently the more attractive one (other peoples words not mine). I just have no idea how to deal with all this, like this is probably the last great adventure we’ll ever have or for a very long time at least :(. What to do guys ?
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