Coolcat

Hmmm I don’t want to be mean but I may have left that last comment off. Its definitely a bit too soon and like you said you don’t want to be in that friend zone and that is the perfect segway for her cause she knows you want her in your life but yeah she’ll interpret that as any way possible including friends. You should ave definitely just left it with her though after her last comment keep her thinking remember.

Well my ex still hasn’t reached out to me. Weird do you think he’s avoiding me because of cancelling the movie date the other day. Whats up with his behaviours ? I feel like he’s over me but he won’t leave me alone ?

Hey there dudes sorry I was snoozing haha. Final shine how can you be sure that me ignoring some of his messages will bring the affection back. Especially when he’s trying to get with some other girl that really affected our relationship when we were together. If he wants to ever be with me again this is not the way to bring the trust back. He also hasn’t been in contact with me since he cancelled the movie date which he organised to go with me.

Now in regards to your updates there were so many while i was asleep haha. I know she is concerned and its a nice thing that she’s concerned but I think you sort of have to go this one alone. Even though she’s offering her support you two aren’t together at this point in time so offering such help can be misleading and especially when you both just need space at ths point in time. My ex and I didn’t have any contact for a whole week after it ended then we sent basic easter messages then the next week he sent me a text about my money and then only after about 5 weeks of being broken up did he ask to meet up with me. And then thats when he started getting me hung up on him more and playing his stupid games even if he didn’t know he was playing games. So you just need to be careful space is good 🙂 just don’t get caught up in the trap

Yeah well he seemed like a different kind of guy. He’s always been a serious relationship man and he’s way too old for this shit I think. He has the audacity to say I’m immature. lol. And since we’ve been apart I have shown him love. He’s trying to change careers and went for a big interview which he thought he screwed up and I met up right after the interview and was so supportive and he was like “thanks I really needed you here today”. Like fucking hell don’t know what else i could have done. I’ve showed him i’m different.

Well I have an issue with NC myself. I’m not sure how long I will do it for with my ex. I may only ignore one of his messages but one is better than none right :P. However I think you need to take it on a message to message basis. So if she sends something thats not even going to lead to much of a conversation and isn’t very important leave it, however if its personal I think go for it. You still want to be there for her but not too available (like me :P). No contact can backfire and I think more likely in the case of women too. Men are like dogs they salivate when they see they’re bowl or any hint regarding their food (sorry for the reference :P) whereas women can be quite stubborn and we’ll give you a taste of your own medicine right back.

Yeah well I’ve just decided fuck this I’m going to ignore his next few advances cause in the beginning of our relationship we had troubles with this mutual friends of ours. They were exactly the same except they were exactly the same and she was even younger than I am, so 10 years age gap between them and I know she said she would probably just sleep with him but I wanted a relationship with him. Things got messy and I was jealous even after we got together cause they would talk all the time and I think its fair. Anyways things ended completely with our friendships with her and things carried on between me and him. However I recently found out he’s been messaging her. She works at the same store as me, and same company for all of us. I then found out he’s been messaging her last year when we broke up too. This upset me a lot. I see they’re not friends on fb as the reason I found all this out is cause she told a friend of mine to tell me and she apparently wants nothing to do with him and is over the whole situation. Anyway I see that he’s liked a photo that she’s also liked that not many people have liked. Those two are the only two common factors on that photos indicating he’s sent her a friend request. I’m fucking pissed off. He has really hit below the belt with this. I have done nothing but respect his need for space after the breakup unlike last time where i was always asking to see him. I have changed my ways shown no jealously, possessiveness, or neediness since he got back in contact with me. But he still seems to be messaging her. Last I heard he had sent 4 unreplied to messages. What the fuck is wrong with him and why is he doing this. I don’t care if he goes and fucks some other slut but this is too far especially as its in my workplace and only a couple other people know but its still been talked about and its embarrassing.

Well I haven’t done full no contact I have done a bit of mixed. I have seen reviews for no contact and keeping some form of contact. So I went with a mixed method myself depending on his initiation and content of the subject. But its up to you :). You need to remember its only been just over a week for you. You can’t expect it all to happen straight away otherwise things won’t be different in the end. You won’t have learnt the value of space and depending upon yourself solely. And for her its to value you and what you’re worth so that will take some time. Space will help but meeting up in time will also show her the changes you have hopefully made. I know its hard, we’ve all been there but just think those things that are worth it take time. You can’t expect her to come back or for changes to happen over night.

Like you three months later however for me I am still just a safety net to my ex. After he messed me around and I felt used I really pulled back and he’s been the only one to contact me. He has initiated it all in the last few weeks and I’m surprised he hasn’t gotten bored to be honest like most guys do. I’m so over this whole thing with him. People who care about each other are not supposed to make the other feel like I do meanwhile he feels good about himself.

Hey finalshine, we are in almost identical situations however I am 23 (almost the same age as your ex) and my ex he just turned 31 this year lol. However he broke up with me obviously and for the second time too :/. You are still in the early days of your breakup though. Remember even if you get back together you don’t want to get back together too soon as you definitely need that space apart where you both improve upon yourselves otherwise if you get back together too soon things will go back to how they are. Now unlike me who has been broken up for three months now I believe I have no chance of turning this around sadly :(. He has been giving me mixed signals like crazy and even said he would like to try again got me to sleep with him and then backed off again. I myself have really backed off recently and he is always contacting me asking how I am, how I’m going at university etc. All of this behaviour is so childish for a 31 year old man I feel. I would love your opinion though since you said you have some experience and you’re around the same age.

However in regards to your situation I know you have troubles with anxiety and depression, I am also somewhat the same however I think like jburg said you need to perhaps go see a counsellor or something and not depend on your ex. You reaching out to her and depending her is not exactly showing her how things will change, however I understand its only just been a week for you guys. But just keep that in mind for the future 🙂