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It most likely is a rebound, generally speaking any guy they are intersted in after a long term relationship has a chance of being a rebound and the longer the relationship and the sooner the breakup, the more of a rebound it is. I’d say you did the right move walking away, let it fall apart at its own pace and when it does then reinitiate contact. Check out this article How to get your ex girlfriend back if she is in a rebound
If she contacts you during NC then be polite but do not engage too much, a lot of exes will use their ex boyfriend as an emotional crutch while dating the new guy, basically use you to get over the relationship. I have heard it be compared to a drug, giving her a fix when needed so she can slowly kick the addiction. Don’t let her use you as that will help the rebound go smoothly.
Being completely honest I think you are still very deeply upset and are reading way too much into what she is doing. You need to take a step back and try to move on, it’s not healthy. I am not trying to come across as insulting, we have all been there, but that’s why I want to help. Short of her being a petty, rude person a good 9/10 times whatever she posts or does is just her doing her own thing, granted once in a while it may be directed towards you but for the most part it’s our overthinking ex mindset making things up.
Well the last girl I dated was like that, where she had this sort of need to be with someone, eventually even she got so sick of the bs her long term bf of about 2 years gave her that she broke up with him. Keep in mind she was head over heels for this guy for 2 years. So my point is even if she is insecure eventually she will probably break up if the relationship goes south.
With this same girl, the most positive reaction I got was walking away, acting like I didn’t care and going NC. Before NC she claimed she had no feelings and saw me as just a friend, since the start of NC she has made many attempts to contact me, is very emotional when we talk and frankly shows most of the signs of feelings, basically since I am no longer around and act like I do not need her, her interest in me has increased dramatically.
So from my experience, it really does help to walk away and act aloof, it all boils down to getting past it and showing independence and strength of character. She’s not stupid, she knows she hurt you but acting upset about it just shows you can’t be mature and move on, which is a huge turn off and seriously kills your chances. But it’s key to not just act over it but actually work to get over it, you can’t hold grudges and try again with her it will end very badly when the bad feelings eventually come back up.
Maybe she will contact you maybe she won’t, no one can predict. The girl I dated for 3 months has tried to contact me multiple times and is still very upset about the whole situation while the girl I dated for almost 3 years is much less emotional, it’s not possible to gauge exactly what they will do you can only take your best guess.
That being said, you still would benefit from going out and continuing to move on, you’re still too invested in it. She doesn’t owe you anything and you shouldn’t be waiting around for her to try and talk to you.
Normally I try not to read too deeply into it, my logic being take them at their word and if things change they will show it. In this case though I wouldn’t trust her word. What does it accomplish saying that she is still hung up on you? Absolutely nothing, she is most likely lying to avoid looking like an idiot or a needy ex. I repeat the same advice as before, proceed as if nothing has changed.
Anyone have any input, advice, etc? Definitely not a situation I was expecting to say the least, I figured I was done talking to her forever, so I appreciate any opinions.
I wouldn’t read too much into it yet, it could be nothing. Just proceed as if nothing happened because for all you know nothing DID happen.
If you follow the plan definitely have a chance, but keep in mind long distance is always hard and it’s especially bad if you are trying to reconcile. She may feel happy now or she may be faking it, both are possible and you unfortunately cannot know. Over analyzing her behavior will drive you crazy, just understand she probably does miss you and have feelings, a lot of the time that’s why they ask to stay friends, to keep you in their lives. You cannot try to psychoanalyze her what you CAN do is control your own actions. Go as much NC as possible, work on yourself and follow the plan. Plenty of couples get back together but your chances will always be better if you follow this sites advice.
It takes time man if you are doing all that then you will get there eventually, but good keep going out. Go on a few dates and while I hate to sound like I’m saying go move on don’t treat other girls or dates as just a means to get back with your ex, if they are nice enough girls you should give them as much a chance as they deserve. But overall that’s good that you feel better, a positive mind frame is key just keep looking forward. If you ever are feeling down come here and use the boards, that’s usually what I am prone to do if I’m having a rough day.
Guys honestly it’s not as hopeless as you sound but the ironic part is acting like its so hopeless is killing your chances. Girls NEVER like negative people you gotta put a big confident smile on your face and keep it there no matter how fake it is at first. Go out more, work out, pick up a hobby, whatever you need to do to get some confidence but damn you can’t sit there and feel bad about yourself. We have all been there it does so much more harm than good.
Me and my ex tried to be friends and we ended up becoming too friendly, to the point where it became a grey zone. Sometimes we acted like we were still dating, to the point where friends joked about us being back together, but since she has a new bf we were just friends. In my experience if you are not happy being friends then don’t be and go limited or no contact. There is a difference between being friends and being friendly. Being friendly is “Oh he said hi to me in passing, I should be polite and say hi back” while friends is “Oh lets text frequently and hang out outside of class”. To me it sounds like you are doing fine though honestly, as far as what you have said you are not talking too much and have done the work to improve yourself.
If I had to wager a guess, I would say she still has some feelings for you but wants to “explore” other guys so she is hoping you will sit around and be her backup if things go south. My advice is to not let yourself be led on, theres a difference between her coming back to you when you two are not talking and her coming back if you two are still very close. One requires her to put in effort to reconnect, the other is more along the lines of settling. I have been the second choice before, its not fun and I would not recommend it. So be friendly but do not be her best friend and honestly I would not get too emotional or deep if you talk to her, seems like there is a lot of potential there for problems.
Agree with CreeD 100%, women love confidence and independence and if you work on yourself then both of those will improve. Plus if after all the work you decide you do not want her back, which does happen, you will be in a great position to find a new girl. But obsessing over her and her new bf does more harm than good, trust me it will drive you crazy.
I am saying this to be completely honest, you need to go NC and do it fast. From what you said, yes she played you and yes that is a very hurtful thing to do. However, you are not giving her any space and are actually going far enough to be borderline stalking. You basically are using any mutual contacts to spy on her every action and are trying to use her family as informants. I cannot speak for them or your relationship with her family, maybe they want you two back together. But the problem isn’t in what they feel it is what she feels. And if you are doing all of these things what she is feeling is “My needy ex will not leave me and my family alone and I am resenting him for it”.
So go NC for a while, over a month probably, and use that time to get over some of these feelings of needing her. I know I sound harsh and I appologize, but you are killing any chance of reconciliation and all good feelings she has for you by acting like this. Let her do her own thing and you live your own life and when you are ready, then you can get to trying to win her back. But until then, put some space between you two since you both need it.
Thats the thing, you don’t need to tell her and in many ways disappearing out of the blue will be more effective. It will make you look strong and independent, which is attractive to girls, and the mystery of you disappearing will certainly peak her interest. Trust me, talking too much almost always causes more problems and stress than it solves so just go NC now and leave it alone for the month.
