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Maybe he is cool, maybe he just seems it and she is in the honeymoon phase, I am inclined to continue thinking the latter but still. You have to think, what are you accomplishing by obsessing on it and focusing so much on what they are doing? You need to take a step back and try to take them off of your mind, NC isn’t to make them miss you its to get you to a good place mentally. You are caring way too much about what they are doing, trust me on this. If you can confidently say you two were happy together and she seemed to enjoy being with you, then that is all you need to know. Do your own thing and realize that sooner or later the butterflies in stomach, honeymoon feelings will fade, probably in the next few months, at which point she will start thinking about you fondly again.
Agree entirely it reeks of a rebound, the problem is you cannot push too hard or you become the “common enemy” so to speak in their relationship. This means he can complain about you or talk crap and since she is mad or emotional she will agree or at least hold her tongue and not defend you.
Go NC and do your own thing for a while, it will probably fall apart soon and the faster you walk away the quicker it will end. It really is crazy counterintuitive but the closest I got to my ex since we broke up was about 3 months ago, after 2 months of NC and me having gone on a few dates that she knew about, do not be afraid to go out and do your own thing, jealousy can be a big eye opener as well. Plus, no one has ever walked away from having someone interested in them feeling worse about themselves, going out can really help build up your confidence again and get you out of the post-breakup mood.
If he finds out somehow and confronts you on it be honest and say they were nothing serious. My thinking here being honesty is the best policy usually and he knows anyways in this situation so owning up and saying it was a casual thing would be best. Otherwise do not say anything, you two weren’t together when it happened and he has no right to get upset or demand information from a time when you weren’t together.
Sounds good everyone, thanks for the advice. Yeah, my friends suspect similar, that she isn’t over me. I also am thinking part of the way she talked to me is her new bf, her texts did not sound like her(different grammar, sentence structure and spelling) I know it sounds like a bit of a reach but after 3 years of texting almost every day I am very good at recognizing how she texts and the messages seemed off. Anyways, I am doing great with NC surprisingly, a lot better than I thought I would be.
Ironically, a girl I used to have a bit of a crush on years ago messaged me Monday night and we had a very nice conversation, which was a good way to take my mind off things.
The only news I can share about my ex is that despite being “perfectly ok with never talking again” she has not blocked or removed me on anything and has actually been liking comments and such on Facebook still, which seems odd considering she claimed she was done interacting with me. My plan remains the same though, go NC for a while, probably until after this semester ends and she is home from college for break. In the meantime I will hopefully be able to go on a few dates and do some of my own things. I also really want to start working out, I had planned to earlier but due to school and work obligations hadn’t had much of a chance. Thanks again to anyone that gave me advice and if anyone has other opinions on my situation or just feels like talking about their own situation feel free to comment.
Sounds like you’re right on track to me. You did good by not rushing it and remaining casual sounding, definitely came off as strong and confident. Keep doing the same, now you can probably reply if she contacts you but do not get too talkative yet. Maybe give it a few weeks or so then try and meet up again, I’d say definitely not too soon(a week or less). Since its is still a somewhat recent breakup moving too fast can bring up old hurt feelings. But good job I always enjoy hearing good news for people on these boards.
I already commented on another of your posts I believe but I will just repeat what I said for the most part. While there is something to be said for getting her side of things, in my experience it could cause more harm than good if her pushes too hard. The more he pushes, the more she is likely to pull away. So my advice, have him do a little digging and maybe get her thinking about you and the possibility of trying again, but do not by any means count on it. And anything you hear, good or bad, accept it and move on. Space helps heal wounds and if you walk away, for now at least, you can heal and be in a good place to try again if the opportunity presents itself.
I know it’s frustrating, trust me you are among friends here so try and take comfort that we know what you are going through. Just keep moving forward as best you can. Try not to think about it too much it will drive you crazy dwelling on what they may or may not be doing. Honestly if she never gave herself the chance to fully move on they most likely will not work out. Trust everyone on this, a month isn’t very long to date and there’s no telling what the future may hold. Her lack of contact is her attempting to make it work with the new guy and push aside her emotions.
I am going into NC as well for the 2nd time. You can check my other posts if you want more background, bottom line is she told me she had moved on and didn’t want to talk anymore. My advice is if you feel it’s too much effort maybe it is, at least for now. Only you can know how much is too much, for me this is the breaking point. I love my ex and I would love to try again but I know enough about her to know that, as long as her new bf(a rebound I suspect) is around then we will never be able to try again. So my advice is if you feel it’s too much work then there is nothing wrong with walking away for a while, if you decide to try again then try again later but only if you are 100% sure.
Stay strong and keep NC until you are ready to reestablish contact. I tried to be friends with my ex and honestly it screwed it up more than anything else. I helped her get over me and move on to a new guy and now she has no desire to talk to me anymore. Learn from my mistake and do not get used by your ex. If she cares about you then sooner or later she will try to contact you and then you will be ready to try again.
Update, she is now claiming to have moved on completely from me and is happy with her new boyfriend. Honestly idk what else to do by this point and I am sounding desperate by asking but I could really use some help, support, etc. I think she is lying to some degree but I am not sure and I am really kind of struggling lately. She has basically said she has no feelings but acts like she does at times and I am just lost.
Anyone have an opinions? I am pretty sure it’s a hopeless cause by this point but still, I do want to try again and I’m kind of floundering lately.
Honestly just follow the plan. The new bf is a rebound and they more than likely won’t last past 3 months, maybe less. Right now she is in the lovey honeymoon stage but after a while it will wear off, she may even know its a bad idea now but is trying to make it work out of loneliness, heartache and guilt. That is how it is with my ex, to some degree at least. The new guy is generally nice enough, usually different from you in some ways and pays attention to her. My advice is stick to NC then contact her after its over as usual. Pretend the new bf doesn’t exist, if she brings him up do not act jealous and calmly change the topic as soon as possible. If she is willing to talk to you frequently, which I would bet money isn’t something the new guy cares for, then she clearly values your company more than his wishes, which is good for you. When it comes down to it, the new guy is the bandaid for her hurt and the replacement for you, if you come back in a month as a new and improved version of yourself you will definitely be the better man in comparison.
Read these articles
How To Get Her Back When She Has a New Boyfriend
and
Honestly I do not want to come off as rude to your friends but they are not experts on dating and relationships. Not saying that I am by any means but I am not emotionally or personally involved in this situation and so I can be a bit more objective. If she did not have any interest, feelings or desire to date you she would not care about you at all, as in she would not have any issue talking to you or not talking to you she would not display any emotion towards you one way or another. Apathy is the opposite of love and anger shows she still has some feelings for you. I agree with ignoring the immature actions and being the better person, if you engage right now then her and more accurately her gossipy sounding friends will have more ammo to annoy you with and create more drama. Be the trend setter and rise above the drama, she will respect you for being the mature one. I know it isn’t easy but take it from me the last girl I dated (not the ex I still like) was the biggest drama queen I have ever known and now that I walked away and refused to buy into it suddenly she wants to talk and I feel a lot better about myself. It is definitely the better option to refuse to get drawn into immature fighting and gossip.
Well I won’t say you didn’t screw up and make a mistake because you did. But you clearly regret it and want to make amends so that’s the upside to it. It’s one thing to be remorseful but you can’t put her on a pedestal like that, it makes all your interactions with her seem like you’re begging for whatever attention you can get. You have to approach it as “well I made a mistake, let’s both act like adults and work past this together maturely”. Treating them like princesses only works in movies and TV shows most of the time, usually they don’t respect you for acting like that.
No telling how long it could be, with me my ex took over a month of NC before contacting me, although she did start checking up on me through mutual friends 2-3 weeks into NC. General rule from what I have heard this is that at some point during the month of NC it is pretty common to hear from them.
