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First off you were on the right track, if it’s a breath at he threw at you out of nowhere, didn’t discuss and basically said for you to deal with it he can’t expect you to sit around waiting for him forever since he most likely will not be. It’s not the best idea to go fooling around with other people while on a break just cause you can/are too drunk to resist but acting like you are at fault is pretty crappy. I would also point out that you have no guarantee he isn’t doing the same, maybe it bugs him that you have other “options” when we was the one who initiated a break.
I’d say don’t talk to him for a while and don’t act like you owe him an apology. In my opinion a break doesn’t usually help, it certainly didn’t for me. All it did was give my ex a month to decide she didn’t wanna date me an have a chance to hook up with a few of her guy “friends”. Accept what happened, go NC and forgive him for rejecting you and being a serious ass and then forgive yourself for any perceived wrong doings. Also, making it public like that is realllly crappy, it’s private business so telling everyone how terrible you are isnt a very good way of going about anything.
I would agree with the texting to say it was nice seeing you, whatever keep it short, upbeat and go right back into NC afterwards. That will show her you are acknowledging her but not being pushy. Plus, it will show you aren’t upset about her rebound guy which she will appreciate and question a little, if you do not feel threatened by him you will come off as confident and mature, not needy and desperate. And if you are lucky, the new guy will see you texting her and get all angry and huffy. If she has more than 2 brain cells she will be like “oh so that guy I had a real relationship with has no problem seeing me with you but you see me get a text from him and freak out, how desperate and immature are you?” Keep in mind a rebound only needs a few bad fights to end it, it just doesn’t have the connection and depth to withstand a lot of pressure. And when it ends it will make you look that much better to her since you were so mature and confident since you broke up.
You wont know if one month is enough until the month has passed. Generally, the messier the break up and the more of the mistakes you made, begging, texting all the time, etc that you made the longer you need. If it’s a relatively good break up and you’ve been good with NC one month should be plenty.
If he says he doesn’t want to talk because he thought he hated you he may need more time. However, if you too were together for so long it’s far more likely he will just be happy to talk to you again after so long. He will absolutely be missing you after so long of NC and so overall you should be fine.
It will appear that way but you have to keep an edge of romantic interest. Flirt, be interesting, don’t send nothing texts. Also, avoid being too close friends, if you are his emotional sponge he may friend zone you as he has no reason to date you, you fulfill his emotional needs and othe girls can fulfill the dating part. So yes you can establish a friendship but tread carefully to not be too close or he will more likely friend zone you.
Never respond to drunk calls or texts, except maybe to say come talk to me sober but even that is iffy. When he is drunk the regrets he has will come to the surface, which is good. The bad part is sober him will surpress his regrets until they become unbearable. That’s what NC helps do, by not being around he will regret it more and more. Bottom line, don’t respond to drunk texts, he won’t hold to anything he says and it’ll just reset the clock on getting over him.
A lot of people have success with NC, I am only about 2 weeks in but my ex has been checking up on me with our mutual friends. It’s pretty much a guarantee that your ex is doing the same, it’s human nature to be curious especially after dating for 3 years.
If he doesn’t talk to you first and you text him keep it casual and interesting, say something like “oh this show we watch has a new season starting” or “hey check out this trailer for a movie genre I know you love” etc something that’s interesting and shows you know him but isn’t overly emotional or deep, going emotional too fast will blow up in your face since it can bring up negative emotions and the biggest point of NC is to get past that.
About the missing him that’s not a bad thing but to me it sounds like you’re bitter still. Until you can forgive and understand what happened and why he wanted to be apart you cant have a healthy relationship. If you are still upset you shouldn’t see him for thanksgiving but if you are feeling good then go for it.
As for the whole get the old him back, that may never happen. However if he comes back and you work things out you may get a more mature, loyal him, which means you two are better prepared to stay together in the long run. You can’t count any changes he goes through especially now as temporary.
Overall I’d say just let things happen and don’t dwell or overthink it, take things as is and try to get past the bad and look at the good. Definitely don’t worry about other girls they are rebounds and don’t really matter in the long run.
Can’t add much since its been said but I do agree with no contact for a bit. It sounds like he is still holding onto negative feelings and needs more time and space. It’s tough but it’s true, but it sounds like you’ve realized that. Good luck and hope it all goes well
That’s a very good attitude, you shouldn’t wait around for her. It’s one thing to love someone and want them back, it’s another entirely to obsess and NEED them back. The healthy thought process is the former, you want her back and will do the steps that encourage that but in the meantime take steps to get past it and prepare for thw rest of your life.
The great part is once she starts seeing how stupid she acted the full weight of the breakup will hit her like a ton of bricks, while you have already gotten past it and are in a good place mentally, which gives you the advantage for a change. It flips it where youre the one being chased and she is the one wanting a relationship again.
Don’t play her games, you are doing what is best for you and that’s keeping away from her right now. She clearly is confused about her feelings but it isn’t fair to put her confusion onto you. By keeping away you force her to start thinking, do I want him or not?
On the attraction thing, yes she is absolutely still attracted to you…but she also wants to stay committed to the breakup, confusing right? Again it’s another sign she is very confused herself and needs time to sort things out.
It’s perfectly reasonable to be angry, it’s one of the stages of the healing process, just accept it, if you love her you’ll forgive her eventually.
The benefit to staying away from her from a bit is that you get to feel more objective and clearheaded. Don’t rise to her bait of “you don’t love me, we aren’t friends, talk to me” that’s just her wanting your attention again like you used to give her, it’s a sign of her missing you. And that is the whole point, get her missing you and while you are alone get to healing and learning from the experience. Improve yourself into not just the guy she fell in love with but that guys new and improved version. Good luck and all the best.
First off you can’t put a time on it, it could be months, it could be years every couple and situation is different so that’s the bad news. The other bad news is it seems like she is keeping you around as a safety net in case things go south with this new guy, in which case she can end the “break” and get back with you. The good news is that she cares enough that she doesn’t want to lose you entirely. On the whole “what you did wrong” thing I would say do your best to ignore that, forgive yourself and move on. Sounds to me like she felt guilty she liked another guy and is blaming you to relieve some of her guilt. She is making up excuses and throwing the blame of things ending on you, like “oh if you did this it would’ve been fine” which is just immature.
With the other guy, it sounds like a rebound or a stupid infatuation, she likes the idea of him and is using him to “replace” her relationship with you. It’s doomed to failure simply because he isn’t you and she will see that sooner or later. At that point she will start missing you, she may even start missing you while with the other guy.
Id say back off for a few weeks, if she texts you either don’t respond or don’t respond fast. She is keeping you around for very selfish reasons and she needs to see that her actions have consequences. Make her realize what she lost and what she is getting in return. In the meantime do you best to do the self improvement advice youve probably seen already, work out, eat right, try to get past any hang ups you may have. Good luck
Jeez we are basically in the same place but opposite genders. I’m older than my ex and we basically went through the same stages as you, she broke things off to basically explore in college. Let him do his thing and settle down. Look at it this way if he was really that curious then even if you didn’t break up it would cause problems eventually. Go out and meet new guys, it may feel weird but you’ll get some self confidence and realize the world doesn’t revolve around your ex. That’s what helped me anyways, I went to a party at a friends school, met a lot of new girls, didn’t even hook up or anything but felt a lot better afterwards about myself and said hey I don’t need her attention. They key is “I want you, I don’t NEED you”. Also I agree it’s absolutely a rebound if it’s even a thing, they may just be close because he’s using her as a shoulder to cry on. Ignore them entirely and do your own thing for a while, he’s probably sad without you so let him start missing you. Trust me I know it’s easier said than done I’m struggling to stay in NC right now, do your best and remember it’s for the best to stay away for a bit.
Alright I’m a guy so I can comment on what I’m feeling. First off rebounds are basically replacements for your relationships but very bad ones. They rush to the point where you guys were at fast and end just as fast because they realize the new girl isn’t you and usually the cracks start to show before they fall apart. It’s definitely a rebound because they are moving so fast and he is making a point to put it up on social media where he knows you will see it. He’s basically trying to say “look how good I am doing, don’t see through it and realize I miss you cause I’m stupid!!!”. He is trying to convince himself and you that he is happy but he is almost definitely not happy. He is putting on an act and a stupid one at that, don’t rise to it and ignore him entirely.
Being friends with my ex has been very hit or miss. When we hang out in person sparks fly just like they used to, more so than ever before actually. Then we are apart and I am the only one making any effort. I decided it wasn’t right for me and went NC for a week so far though I’m going to keep going, if you feel confused and unappreciated like me I think NC for a while has the potential to help a lot. Plus keep in mind she doesn’t just think, she KNOWS if she wanted to she could text you and you’d be right there for her in a second because you have been so far, go NC and she will have to really feel the pain of losing you instead of having you as someone to talk to if she’s bored or lonely, because unfortunately that’s the sad truth that most of the time she is bored or lonely when she talks to you. Ignore her for now and make her realize she lost a great guy, make her put in the effort to make things work.
The crappy part is you really can’t stop her. She wants to go and explore if you convince her to stay she will have that curiosity in the back of her mind forever. You gotta let her do her thing and do yours, try to stay no contact and be an attractive person, more so than when you were together, hopefully she will realize what she lost but honestly it could be months before she does. Good luck and I hope it turns out well.
