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My Best friend of 20+ yrs has always been the middle man in my realtionship with my ex. He became close with my ex because when my ex would do something that hurt me or she needed advice about me, she would go to him because he knows me so well. All 3 of us were close. Right when my ex broke up with me, she gave him her new number to basically reach out. It took him 3 weeks but he finally txted her. Basically he wanted to get his foot in the door with her. Saying “how are you, that we are still friends” “that we are still close even tho we are not dating”. Everything like that. She said stuff like “im so happy that u txted me” “im trying to get my life together and i hope he is doing good(ME)”. She also told him that “she cut all ties with my family and me, to make things easier”.
Now he hasnt really said to her what he wants to say.(Remember he was the middle man, she always took his advice) He said he is gonna call her on friday. Tell her that he cant lie to her. That im not doing good. That he feels that he doesnt reconize his own friend after 20 years. That hes afraid that he is losing his friend. That he wants to basically tell her that she blindsided me and that i feel lost. That we were great together and that what she did was very sudden. That she hasnt given me a chance to even prove myself, to work things out with me beforehand. That we should talk things over. That he always saw the love between me and her and the fire that existed. That she isnt giving us a chance.
Do you guys think its a good idea for him to do this? Would this be breaking NC with her?
I really think he will be able to shine some light in my situation since they were so close too.
Anyone have any advice? im having one of my bad days again and could use a helping hand =)
I already commented on another of your posts I believe but I will just repeat what I said for the most part. While there is something to be said for getting her side of things, in my experience it could cause more harm than good if her pushes too hard. The more he pushes, the more she is likely to pull away. So my advice, have him do a little digging and maybe get her thinking about you and the possibility of trying again, but do not by any means count on it. And anything you hear, good or bad, accept it and move on. Space helps heal wounds and if you walk away, for now at least, you can heal and be in a good place to try again if the opportunity presents itself.
Good Advice @atedeschi93! Yea he was always the go to guy for her cause she hated hurting me ever. She really took his advice to heart. I also feel that my parents were part of the break up. She was set on that my dad hated her, which was not true at all. He cared for her like a daughter, which also meant that he over stepped sometimes and i called him out on it. My mom always loved her tho. She thought towards the end that my mom was getting sick of her but once again she was wrong. Since my gf doesnt have much family and Cancer sign girls are very family oriented, i think this could of hurt my realtionship. Maybe i should of told my parents sooner that she was feeling down about them not liking her so they coul of said something to her directly while we were dating. My dad has said stuff that she overheard and made her cry. I always told him not to do that. She has no dad, probally killed her inside that the only father in her life was mine and she thought he hated her.
Have any insight @tighem? You usually have great advice for me
Bringing friends into a breakup is not a good idea ever. I know you want her back and I know she listens to him, but you are jeopardizing their friendship and your chances of ever getting back in your life. Really think about it for a second, she will obviously know he is talking to her on your behalf. I think you would be better off letting things come about naturally. If I was in her position and you sent about mutual friend to try and talk you up, it would turn me off of both of you. My suggestion as a woman is not to use him to get to her.
Hi,
I also have a friend who is kinda the middle man between my ex and me. Thanks to him me and my ex actually got together so she trust him very much. (we all 3 used to be colleagues).
Whenever she had problems she always went to him. Like one time my family didnt like her ( because of difference in culture) so she was hurt and went to him and he convinced her to give my family a chance and it turned out well.
She broke up with me without telling me the complete truth. My friend called her and asked her for the reason and thats how i knew. I confronted her with this and it was all true.But my friend couldnt convinvce her to stay with me and give me another chance. All he did after their conversation was to ask her for a promise: to think about our relationship and the possibility to give me another chance, not today, not tomorrow, not next week, but one day in the future. She promised and i believe she will because she trust him.
What i want to tell is, I dont think a middle man should convince your ex. I dont think that would help. She already made up her mind and you should be the one to convince her.
You friend should find out what the cause was ( if you didnt already know) and what made her decide to break up. Maybe you can improve in that way and show her that you can be the boyfriend she always wanted.Hmmm well i got both sides of the coin here lol. I will have to leave it up to my gut. She reached out to him first so i feel like she wants to talk to him. She knows that me and him talk everyday. Maybe without us knowing, she is actually using him as a middle man to get msgs to me.
Gonna have him just give his advice to her and just be himself with her. Thats it. Nothing about me at all. Hopefully this gives me some clues on what to do
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