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Hi all,
I’m wondering if you can help me please.
So me and my girlfriend were in a relationship for a year and a couple of months which had some distance but no more than an hour. She broke up with me towards the end of May and although I tried briefly convincing her that we could work, I soon realised that I should just accept it. I went into no contact for 2 weeks and in that space of time she had messaged me about 4 times; after the 2 weeks, I contacted her and she replied straight away. We went for coffee the week after and we had a good catchup for an hour or so; there was no awkwardness and she was laughing and smiling a lot, as though she was enjoying being in my company once again. She said she was happy to meet up again, and so we met up the next week and she suggested going to the cinema. Again, we had a great time and there was a lot of laughing and smiling. Then for the next few days after that she ignored my messages. I have no idea why, especially since we’d had two good meetings. Rather than pestering her too much, I decided to go into no contact again but this time for around 3 weeks just to give her more space. I’m currently about 3 weeks into it but last week I found that she has a new boyfriend. She had uploaded a new profile picture and a guy had commented saying “beaut!”.. i decided to check this guy’s page out and I found that she had commented on his new picture saying “love it!”. I then saw that he was in a relationship and she had commented with a love heart and had liked all the comments that followed. I am 19 and she is 21; I saw that her new guy is also 21 and I presume that he is in the same city. I have read different pieces of advice from different sources and I know that I have to carry on with NC or LC and also that if we talk again, I have to be calm and accept it because I don’t want to push her away from me. I can move on and I can eventually be with someone else but I do want her back for all the good reasons of course.
I have read up on rebounds and I would like to know if you think this new relationship could be a rebound. Although she was the dumper, I don’t feel that just under 2 months is enough for her to completely move on after a relationship of a full year and a couple of months. Furthermore, I don’t feel as though 3 weeks is enough for someone to get into a new and solid relationship after 2 meetings whereby she had no one else and she really enjoyed herself.
Thanks.It most likely is a rebound, generally speaking any guy they are intersted in after a long term relationship has a chance of being a rebound and the longer the relationship and the sooner the breakup, the more of a rebound it is. I’d say you did the right move walking away, let it fall apart at its own pace and when it does then reinitiate contact. Check out this article How to get your ex girlfriend back if she is in a rebound
If she contacts you during NC then be polite but do not engage too much, a lot of exes will use their ex boyfriend as an emotional crutch while dating the new guy, basically use you to get over the relationship. I have heard it be compared to a drug, giving her a fix when needed so she can slowly kick the addiction. Don’t let her use you as that will help the rebound go smoothly.
Rebound is a rough term, especially since there was some distance between you and her. Don’t take this too hard, but your meet ups were probably her trying to decide between you and the other guy. He was most likely “around” since your first period of NC (especially if she was reaching out, and you weren’t responding), and the two meetings you guys had helped to smooth over the transition from you to the other guy (just like the above poster mentioned).
I see a lot of girls rebound within days of “officially” ending a relationship (Not that it can’t happen to guys, but I feel as though the extra attention and special treatment a guy can give a girl can cause her to fall for him during her state of vulnerability). In fact, you can probably find just as many (if not more) threads on the internet saying essentially “I like this girl, but she has a boyfriend.” As soon as word got out that she was no longer in a relationship, she was probably swarmed with attention and was able to pick and choose whoever she wanted. Chances are, she didn’t just go pick up rebound guy out of a crowd; he was most likely a “friend” or acquaintance that happened to be in the right place at the right time.
If you choose not to attempt to move on, you are now forced to assume the position of pining onlooker just as this guy was before your relationship ended. That’s why it’s advisable that you just assume indefinite NC until the day comes that she sincerely reaches out to you.
Try not to think about it too much. I know that the first week (maybe more) you will fervently hope that every one of your notifications, phone calls, texts, etc are from her, yet none of them will be. The hardest thing to figure out as a young twenty-something (you’re 19, this still applies) is that young adult relationships last MONTHS (which can eventually constitute years) rather than the weeks that they spanned in high school.
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