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That’s very true soupy 🙂 i guess any response is positive At the moment. I didn’t reply, I deleted the message straight after. I think you shouldn’t do anything with social media either-keep dead pan quiet on that front I think 🙂
Fishingthesky I totally agree-I’m getting ready to move next week today (was moving so I could be closer to my ex ?) and trying to keep as busy as possible. I had a relapse last night however and looked on his Facebook as I was curious of his birthday messages-a lot of them were mainly from his travelling friends saying “have an amazing day-you deserve it!” And I was initially in my tired thoughts like “ooooh maybe he’s saying that because he’s sad about me and they want him to have an amazing day!! (Sad I know :p) but then I also saw some pics people had posted up-every picture (about 6) was him with different girls, and huge, massive grins on his face in each one.
It hit home that he was really, really happy and having an amazing time. Maybe that’s why it was no problem for him to reply-because he simply doesn’t care anymore?
I don’t know if these are crazy overtired overthinking thoughts going through my head, but that’s what it looked like 🙁
So fishingthesky, I suggest trying something I do before I go to bed or try and go to sleep! Think about decorating, or your in a sweet shop, or anything that gives you multiple “choices”. How are you going to decorate your house if you had the money? Imagine what you would do if it was unlimited. That’s what I do and it helps every time ?
Yeh 🙂 thanks soupy! I’ve decided to leave it. Will stick to my original plan of contacting late November I think 🙂
Tell a lie! He’s just replied saying “thanks Amy hope your having a good summer!”
I don’t think I’m going to reply…what do you guys think? He hasn’t really left it open for questions, so I don’t really want to-especially whilst he is still travelling…
Oh Catherine I’m sorry 🙁 I understand how hard that is. You never know, he might just be “playing the field” a bit and taking advantage of this singledom that he now has. Keep your chin held high, don’t let him see you upset and be as amazing as usual! But don’t worry-2 girls that quickly is very “look what I can do” type thing, and probably don’t mean much ?
I sent my ex the whatsapp message “happy birthday, hope you have a fabby day ??” he looked at it about 5 minutes after I sent it, however didn’t get a reply…which I was expecting anyway, so I’m not upset really. More I was just hoping :p but oh well.
Fishingthesky I too am really sorry to hear about the quake. I hope your family are safe. I agree with palm trees though, your ex might have been thinking of you but just didn’t reach out.
That’s very true guys 🙂 we did have s great relationship, one argument in 4 years, he was my best friend, I was his…I guess his immaturity, our lack of sometimes communication And his fear of commitment got the better of us.
It’s his birthday today- I went on his fb for the first time in ages and saw a girl on his trip had put “happy birthday love you long time xxx” made me angry seeing it haha! I will send the message later, and let you know if he even reads it ?
That’s very true-no it wasn’t a bad break up-it was extremely sad-we both cried (myself a lot), and at the end I hugged him and said I hope you find whatever you are looking for…and then he cried, said that “I knew this would be hard but I didn’t think it would be this hard”, got in his car, and left 🙁 it was a very cutting and emotional break up :'( but no, not “bad”. but I’m glad that bad memories fade and good ones last, because 95% of our 4 years was the best 4 years of my life ?
I agree soupy-wait until the following week to do it to give her time to settle 🙂 I’m sure she will appreciate it a lot, and at least she will know you care 🙂 well done and stay strong! 🙂
Catherine8 that’s a tricky one. Part of me wants to say leave it so that he will wonder and feel inclined to ask you?
Thanks everyone! I always have an elastic band in my wrist so think I will do that, I have also written a list which I have found very helpful 🙂
Regardless of my worries of whether looking on his laptop for a cake recipe and him thinking I was ‘snooping’, I’ve come to realise that if it was that a. He should have spoken to me if he did worry about that and b.i think it would have happened sooner or later anyway-who knows. But it’s his issues that need sorting…
Its wierd, I can’t really remember his face properly…I just remember all the fun things most of the time.
Do you think our exes think of the good memories and not the bad/any problems in the relationship? My mum and dad say that over time the bad is forgotten, and the ex only remembers the good-was just wondering how accurate this was/what other people thought of this x
Thank you for all the support on here as always everyone ?
Yeh, that’s very true 🙂
Exactly-I find dealing with friends and family although supportive, I don’t get them
Involved in this-it’s extremely private and I think they would be suprised if they found out I write on this!How do you guys stop replaying the break up? I keep finding recently that I keep replaying bits of it in my head, wondering if there is a “hidden message” in his “I’m not seeing this as a proper break up, more a break, but I don’t know how long it will take, so don’t wait for me” or whether he thought me looking at the cake thing was me snooping at his laptop and he got the wrong impression-or anything really
.I just keep replaying it all in my head-if anyone has any ideas on this and how to stop overthinking and blaming yourself it would really help! 🙁
Pal trees, when are you
Going to put your plan into effect? 🙂Sorry I’ve been away for a few days in Wales 🙂
Palmtrees, I understand your frustration at thinking about a deadline. I’ve been thinking about this too, wondering if I can put myself through what I did last year when he dumped me but this time be heartbroken all over again if this doesn’t work, and he doesn’t want to get back together. I think you should definately do the tactic that Lin mentioned, it sounds like a really clever thing to do and at least gives him the opportunity to make the first moves.
Fishingthesky I’m sorry I didn’t mean to offend you in my last post about your ex-I think it’s really good that your ex is mature enough to know what she wants (I wish I knew!) what are you going to put in your letter? (I’m sorry if you have written this somewhere earlier, I have extremely bad wifi and can’t look at any posts before the last 2 pages! 🙁 )
Soupy I reckon a good thing to do is flowers-think a CD is a little too much. A bunch of flowers and a note might be more appropriate in your situation 🙂
Lin91 I feel the same-I need this time to be single and although I’ve been out on a date, I still want and desperately love my ex. But I was so dependent on my ex, that I think this time apart has been good for me.
I’m going to send a whatsapp to my ex tomorrow to say happy birthday. He is 7 hours behind me where he is travelling-so thought If I sent it at 8pm my time it will be about 1pm where he is-then he’ll know that it wasn’t a “thinking about you before bed” message or a not too early message. My family and friends think I’m incredibly stupid for doing so however-and think I should have absolutely nothing to do with him as they know (as do I) that he won’t reply. But I’m going to do NC again straight after-I’m not one for contacting whilst during NC so I think the task is actually going to be pressing the “send” button!
Carhetine8 that sounds horrible! However I do think she was probably doing that as she is insecure about your exs feelings towards her-which is probably why dhe showed you if that makes sense? It is horrible though 🙁
Fishingthesky I’ve just read your post – as a 23 yr old myself (my ex was 22/23 too) the thought of marriage and settling down at my age scared the living day lights out of me. If my ex had asked me, I would probably have said yes to an extremely long engagement and waited until I was 28. I’m not saying that is your circumstance-but she mAy be dropping you and picking you up because the thought of marriage at our age is a bit daunting-she loves you and wants to keep you, but maybe the whole “this is it thing” is scaring her.
At the same time, I don’t want her to be keeping you on the hook, incase something better (in her eyes) comes along.I have a different thing with social media- last time my ex and I broke up, he told me that he would look at my social media all the time, what I was doing, etc, and his work colleagues had to try and stop him! That’s why I’ve been putting quite a Few pics on really-as I know from last time he likes to look at them! Plus he hasn’t blocked me on anything yet (apart from I’ve blocked him on snapchat)
Soupy-yeah ice been ok. The social media thing was a bit horrid but I blocked him on snapchat. I spoke to his housemate and a good friend of mine and said I hadn’t heard from him but not going to try to speak to him and she said “yeah probably best….from what I’ve heard he’s super busy and has very iffy internet anyway” but that’s about all on the ex front really. I’ve been really really missing him-it’s his birthday Saturday and I was going to send a whatsapp like “happy birthday ??? ” (does that sounds okay?) I probably won’t get a reply, but at least it shows I’m still he kind person he loved and I’m not bitter.
If I’m honest I feel like him going travelling has kind of ruined any reconciliation for me. He’s been able to go off and stay busy and forget about me, And then he has 3 days at home and starts an intense training month where he again has no time to really think about me. I guess I just keep thinking that the “window” of him missing me has past :/
Oh no I’m so sorry to hear that fishing 🙁 how are you feeling about everything today? I hope you are feeling a bit happier?
Yeah I think it all depends on how your feeling, after this breAk up my confidence was completely shot-it was already bad beforehand with my ex, but when I was dumped a second time I literally felt like I must be the most unattractive or unappealing person ever 🙁 for me the going out on a date is helping me with my confidence and showing me other people do find me attractive and that I might not end up a crazy cat lady :p
But I have to admit I wouldn’t say I’m interested in these guys-I’m doing it for myself (which is a bit mean I guess but it’s about time I was selfish :p)
Have you guys got anything exciting/fun planned over the next few weeks? 😀
That’s the thing, I don’t actually want him back yet…I kind of want him to realise whAt he did wrong , how he can improve and want to get back with me to show he can be better if that makes sense ? but oh well 🙁
It is! My friends and family say he needs time to get it out if his system….but I’m scared he’ll go to someone else 🙁
How are things with you Lin?
Exactly-well that post did make me realise he has been immature for a very long time-he didn’t compliment me or say that he missed me or anything because it was ” laaaaaaame” , he didn’t like to “like” posts on social media because he thought it would make him look wierd, he couldn’t say I love you because he “didn’t know what love was” ( after 4 years?!) and although I was the “perfect” girl for him it scared him 🙁 amazing what something bad can trigger!
Yes that’s true! Thanks guys-I’m finding this break up way harder than last time 🙁
Has anyone else been on any dates?! 🙂 think we should all try to! 🙂
