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Only thing I am worried about – his sister seems to think that we can just be ‘good friends’ and that he wants to be too a few months after he gets back next week 🙁 I think it impossible to be good friends again with someone you were in love with….does this mean that he didnt love me? or is saying ‘good friends’ just another way of meaning ‘breaking the ice and on okay terms’?
Soupy and Catherine – thanks! I actually have it saved in my notes because it reminds me and keeps me sane!
Soupy, thats what I thought. He promised me it wasnt because of this trip, but if it wasnt he would have wanted me to have come with him before. The friend who is friends with both of us said to me that he had very immature thoughts, and his worries that he was missing out on the single life/didnt want to settle for me was what made him so unsure of a future with me, which makes me really, really sad 🙁
But I’m now living a new life in a new town without him – it gets really lonely, even with my new housemates. But its proved i can do it on my own, for the better 🙂
Catherine8, this is the comment. I thought it was good for everyone though.
“A guy doesn’t want to be with someone who can’t live without him. He doesn’t want to feel responsible for your happiness. You are wasting your summer being heartbroken when you could be out enjoying yourself at the pool.
Trust me, I know it sucks. I have been there many times. It’s ok to be sad and it’s ok to be hurt. Feel all the feels. But do something fun every day just for you.
Tell yourself that he’s going to want you back and then live your life as if he still wants you but is out of town.
It sounds like you’re more hurt that he’s having fun than about actually being with him? If that’s the case then you’re giving him way too much power over your feelings.
Join a few dating sites. Not to actually find a new relationship but to meet new men and explore your options. Don’t talk about your ex on your dates. Just get to know the guys as friends. Enjoy the single life. That’s the best revenge and it’s actually the best way to get your ex to want you back.
He wants to think you’re at home crying over him. That’s going to make him feel comfortable and that he doesn’t have to hurry back to you. Don’t contact him. Go out and play. Build a life so that if he does want you back, you won’t be putting all your happiness on him and you’re fine walking away if he doesn’t treat you right.”Hi everybody, been super busy recently so havent had any time to read through these fully, so I apologise if I miss anything out.
Palmtrees I think what youre doing sounds great – he is definately just finding excuses to contact. I think doing what your doing (not being too keen e.t.c.) sounds like a great idea. Are you feeling any happier in yourself about that situation?
Soupy – Good luck with the flowers and letter. I hope it all works out for you. Are you nervous? I think its a very sweet idea and Im positive she will appreciate the gesture.
Catherine, I read a really interesting thing earlier. I will copy it in a message after this one!
I have moved to my new area, and start my new job tomorrow. I came home this weekend as I got a bit upset on friday – Turns out the trip that he is on, and that he told me I couldnt leave early (which is one of the reasons he said I couldnt go) was infact a trip which finished last week. Meaning I could have gone, he just didnt want me to 🙁 He has also been posting up photos of him with his arms wrapped around a DIFFERENT girl this time, one who is 5 years younger than us (he is 23, she is 18)…but as a friend said, she probably matches his maturity levels.
I did speak to a mutual friend of ours on thursday evening, which was super nice as the same thing happened to her with her boyfriend of 4 years too. Interestingly she agreed – she said my ex was very immature, always thought he was missing out on something, that something out there was better, that he was unsure on whether he wanted to be with me. She also said that she thuoght he didnt really understand people or ‘social’ things very well….which was interesting. I dont know. All I know is that now, whenever I think of him I dont cry because I miss him…I cry because he was so brutal to me, that he was so selfish with this trip, that he could so easily throw away a relationship with me because he wanted to have fun with other people…Its sad, but I’ve found a new strength inside of me and the thought of speaking to him terrifies me. He arrives back from his trip next week….Im dreading it.
Fishingthesky I’m finding that with her too… I think she’s telling me because she wNts me to move on and not hold onto my ex because he’s loving life ATM, But I’ve told her thAt I can’t move on completely when I know he’s the one for me… But I might tell her to stop. I think she might be feeling sorry for me that I feel terrible about it and love him so much and she knows he’s having a great time and not really thinking about me…not sure whether to be offended or not by it 🙁
That’s a good idea, wait it out and see. It’s hard holding out out :/
Palmtrees I hope so! I guess I imagined he would be coming to visit me most weekends, knowing that he might not ever come and visit me again just wierds me out I guess
I also want to say, thank you so much to all
Of you…this has been the hardest 8 weeks Of my life so far, and I feel that I have been completely honest with you all and it has been an amazing way to spill my thoughts out (sometimes a little too often and I do apologise for my posts sometimes as they probably sound very silly!) but yeah I just wanted to say how honestly greatful I am to everyone on here
❤️Fishingthesky if you want to,
You can write us little snippets of it will make
You feel comfortable? I think all of us have opened up all our souls a little on here-heck, I wouldn’t say some of the things I am saying to you guys to my family or closest friends…but I would say write out a letter, put it in a box. Don’t send it. Then, if you feel the urge, write another letter. Put it in the box and don’t send. You could look back,
And might see a recurring theme?But I agree with everyone else on here-I don’t think you should send a letter yet!
Nothing has happened my end-I moved to my new home today which was really really hard – I know no-one, and moved
Here to be closer to my ex and for my new job.His sister sent good luck to me too. I also forgot to mention yesterday-we spoke about my ex, and she mentioned how he is really REALLY loving the attention that he getting from a fair few of the girls on his trip, and that he likes that he is able to act on it now because he is singlea and whilst he is travelling…I’m worried that if this attention continues he will never want me back-it’s been 6 weeks now and he has 2 weeks left, and has apparently become really close to everyone..do you think that’s screwed up things?
Yeah 🙁 I’m really struggling! I think the problem is I keep replaying scenarios in my head…not good.
Fishingthesky
Thanks 🙂 yeah I did manage to get to sleep in the end-it’s horrible though. I keep waking up in the middle of the night with thoughts of my ex at the moment. It’s really getting me down 🙁 I think it’s because I’m moving out tomorrow into a house full of strangers, and it was all to be closer to him. I feel like garbage at the moment and can’t stop crying, it’s the worst and I don’t know how to make myself feel better!
@fishingthesky indeed 🙁 seeing his family was great today but at the same time hearing that he is literally having the most amazing time travelling was super sad. I guess I just keep weighing up the pros and cons, and whether there’s any point in all this-I feel a bit hopeless really!
@palmtrees exactly! Im forcing myself to go on a date too-with a guy who I liked before I was with my ex actually! The great thing is, I told my ex I used to fancy this guy-and the guy has been liking a few of my recent pics etc, which I hope my ex will notice :p I think it’s time for us to start looking out for number one though, and showing them what they are missing!
Palmtrees I agree wth everyone else-I think that sometimes if the moment is right and you just can’t keep it in…you just have to say something. Personally, I’m taking a new stance which maybe you should try-go no contact (like give ALL the space, no casual texts as it sounds like he’s having his cake and eating it ie.having your attention but not having to commit to a relationship…and don’t assume you’ll get back together, and make it known to him you will not wait for him. How? Sounds brutal, and even if your not 100% into it…go out on a night out and talk to different guys! Sounds really silly, but with someone who seems to be keeping you on a hook-you need to show him your not on the hook, you care about him but you will NOT wait for him, and show him that other people are interested and find you attractive! That’s the route I would take hearing your story 🙂
Fishingthesky, I understand your worries/uncertainty. It’s scary when your holding onto your ex and you don’t know what they’re thinking, and then you see someone and think”wow!” And then think, but I love my ex….it’s a horrible feeling I find! And I have the same when seeing couples!
Catherine8 that’s horrible- it almost sounds like he’s trying to get your attention and make you jealous!! Which is ridiculous. I think you need to show him the strong beautiful woman you are-talk to other boys infront of him, laugh, always be smiling-but don’t make eye contact with him. Or if you do, make it very fleeting. He needs to know you are perfectly fine with him being with that other girl, and that you will rise above any horrid rumours he spreads!
I’ve had a nice bank holiday weekend. I saw my exes sister today-she gave me a present to say good luck to my new move. It was very sweet, she said how I was one of her best friends and the loveliest person. She also said her parents both missed and loved me a lot, and that they said “Oooh should we get Amy a present? We want to but is it inappropriate? ?” so I’m glad his family love and miss me. They also are extremely impressed and proud of me for running a marathon, so hopefully that will get back to my ex. I asked about my ex, and apparently he is amazingly happy and having the best time ever on his travels, which made me really sad in a way, as I’ve been heartbroken all summer and he’s been okay…but oh well. He is home in 2 weeks, kind of hoping reality without me might hit him then 🙁
That’s very true fishimngthesky, I guess hearing our exes are doing fun things/seeing other people is just so off putting!
But think we’re all going to come out of this stronger xxxx
Palm trees same here with me- I keep thinking about why he didn’t trust me, why he thought I was looking at his phone messages and wondering f that WAS the reason he broke up with me why didn’t he tell me? He said all the apps on his phone had closed down when they were apparently open beforehand…band that was what he blamed it on and why he thought I had been on it.
But it’s made me think do I want to be with someone who thinks I would do that and accuse me of that, when I have given him absolutely no reason not to trust me 🙁 it’s difficult….
