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feelings for the ex after they were together 5 years wont just vanish, especially as they were still in contact. See what happens…dont contact, as she will need space to think about it and you chasing after her will not help. This was shown also when she blocked you! but it sounds as if your better off with the new person if Im honest! Patience is a virtue. Don’t contact her and see what happens – if she unblocks you and contacts, shes worth it. If not, then maybe your better off without her and the baggage of a 5 year relationship that might have still had a bit of a hold over her.
ahhh thank you so much! its so nice talking to someone going through the same thing! Thats what I thought – it seems very much a case of “the grass might be greener on the other side”. What made me feel better about that is that the week before we we’re having a chat and I came out with “so, what have I ever done to annoy you? :P” and he thought about it and was like “actually nothing! you’ve never done anything wrong or anything, pretty perfect!”…so thats one good thing I guess. Am very pleased I didnt beg and plead to get back with him once he had left my house after the break up either 🙂
Yes, thats apparently what he did – his sister said she gave it back to him and he said “aww i love the smell of this it smells like her and her perfume” – that made me a bit happier 🙂
Yeah, I think I will. I’m so scared!I’m going to act really “cool” and “casual” 😛 He’s at a big party this whole weekend which has made me really nervous 🙁 Its the first party hes been to without me since the break up, and I know theres going to be loads of girls and laods of alcohol! makes me feel a bit sick 🙁 i miss him so much too 🙁
It sucks missing someone this much hey! 🙁 Just wondering, has she contacted you since your theatre trip? 🙂
Definately! I’ve had a hair cut and also got job offers which is good 🙂
I think you should put a few things up-if you are out with friends, take a group photo of you happy and smiling 🙂 To you it might seem mysterious if you don’t put anything up but remember, boys are idiots. If you stay quiet and don’t put anything at all up, he will think you are doing nothing and waiting around for him-something that you definitely do NOT want.
I wouldn’t contact his family to ask if he misses you, it would be strange and also sound like you can’t live without him. What I did was I sent a text to his mum, in a very cheerful manner, saying ” just wanted to say thanks so much for having me over the past 3 years, I always had a great time! Hope the dog is well, lots of love! 🙂 xxx”
It went down really well with his mum and I got a very sweet message back-but don’t ask about him. He hasn’t asked about you, so you shouldn’t ask about him. 🙂
Nooo of course he will miss you – 4 years is a lot! i thought mine wouldnt but his family all told me he has 🙂 Thats the same with my ex – hes going to a party tonight and its the first one since we broke up a month ago….am terrified that he will get with someone and forget about me! but we cant think like that 🙂
Im exactly the same – we got together when we were 17/18 and now we are 21/22. I think that is the main reason he broke up with me – worried that because we were so young he was missing out on something 🙂
but definately stick to no contact as much as possible, it will really help. and in that time improve yourself, whether its taking up activities/going to the gym e.t.c!!
I will! Im really, really scared he wont reply…infact terrified!! Ive progressed so much from crying every day and im scared if I’ll contact him he wont reply and I’ll be back to square one…definately dont want that! which is why ive done the 30 days 🙂
make sure your posting fun things that your doing (without him!) to your facebook too!
trust me, I get that! I still feel like me and my ex are ‘meant to be’ which is very silly! but we found out a few weeks befor ewe broke up that his stepdad used to live with my auntie when they both went to university! We used to joke and say its fate! haha.
But seriously I get that its hard. But you HAVE to!! It will really, really help you and really make him appreciate you too. My ex when he left after he broke up with me kept saying ill see you soon yeh yeh ill see you soon….but I havent, and that was a month ago!! I still miss him and love him with all my heart, but you have to make him miss you. constant contact with him will drive him further away – give him a chance to see what life is like without you – and to make him realise what hes lost. You need to put the fear back in him that you will not be at his every beck and call. At the moment his ego is probably through the roof – yes he will miss you and care about you, but for a guy who has just broken up with his gf a weight will be off his shoulders, and he’ll be thinking your sitting at home, moping about and missing him. Not attractive! He won’t stop loving you or thinking about you – but you need to show him what he’s missing by not being with you.
Personally, I’ve found 30 days really really hard. I’ve cried most days and its only the past 2 days I havent. He’s going to a party tonight and I’m super scared that he’ll get with someone – however, I’m also going out. Im planning on contacting my ex this weekend once the 30 days are up. Very scared!!
Congratulate him on his birthday, but just that. Dont ask how he is, don’t ask what hes up to….he needs a break from you, and you from him. a month ago I would NEVER have believed that if someone told me, but trust me, I went through exactly the same and you don’t want to give him the satisfaction of him having his cake and eating it (not being with you but still getting your attention). Say “Happy Birthday, have a lovely day! :)” and leave it at that. If he replies then reply, but DO NOT talk about the past relationship, or even mention it. Come across as cool and laid back, as if it never happened. If you do, you’ll drive him away even further and you dont want that at all. Make him regret it! 🙂
rusty red – no contact does get easier 🙂 Im on day 28 and its helped me a lot, i miss my ex ridiculous amounts as well, but use this time to make yourself a more attractive and better person, for both your sake and hers 🙂 show her what shes missing!
NO CONTACT FOR SURE!
Im going through the same thing, ive done a month of no contact and feel amazing – I initially did it to make my ex miss me, but its a huge healing process and a great break to figure yourself out and realise that you can get along with life without him (I was with my ex for 3 years and he did the same thing, we survived a year abroad together and were best friends before/during the relationship)
At the moment he knows he can just call you up and your on the hook. Let him simmer for a bit, wonder where you are, make him miss you! Show him your not dependant on him, that your an independant woman! Dont go out with your friendship group every weekend if hes going to be there -do something else and make him wonder what your doing 🙂
Your too easy for him at the moment, and thats not attractive to guys. Make yourself unavailable, meet new people, start new things…nothing is more attractive than a strong, confident woman! And nothing is least attractive than a girl who is desperate (and if you are definately dont show it!)
Speaking from experience – I was exactly the same as you a month ago!
He broke things off with me 🙁 a month ago out of the bluehe thought we we’re too young to seriously commit to each other and that 3 years was getting too serious for him and he didnt want to be with the same person he was with now who he was going to marry (we’re only 21/22 so this seemed crazy! – i think it was a bit of a “the grass might be greener on the other side’ syndrome). We we’re great and he was really upset about it…but said he wasnt going to change his mind. His family said he still lvoes me and cares about me and misses me but thinks this is best for both of us in the long run 🙁 I havent heard from him since and I havent contacted him since….was planning to this sunday! which was why this post appealed to me so much – am v.nervous but think ive been playing it cool! i dropped his clothes off and his sister said he loved that I did because they still smell like me?! haha!
But yeah, I was hoping something would come up that I could mention to him like “oooh saw that film you recommended, was really good!” or something…Im just scared to initiate first contact: (
Im in no contact at the moment….Ive done it for almost 30 days! I desperately want to get back together and see him 🙁 but want to play it cool! I didnt delete him on Facebook (as his other exes have and he thought it was bad of them to…so thought best not to!) but have been getting job offers/firsts in my final year projects which I have been putting up – so am hoping he might have seen how well Im doing without him!!
The problem is with him, hes stubborn and his ego his huge – he told his sister he doesnt want to contact me because he thinks that I will think that he wants to get back together!!
Thargus, how did you first interact with your ex? was it text message? I wanted to do it this weekend but am really scared to! I feel confident in myself more now, but Im still really scared :S
It depends how long she was with the ex for…if it was a close relationship for a long time, or ended for reasons that were not due to their own but more because of other commitments and not the fact they don’t care about each other anymore, then it could be bad news for you. I’m only saying this to stop any false hope – I really think that in this kind of situation you shouldn’t contact her, and wait to initiate contact. If shes been good friends with her ex (and I know because I’ve been in the same boat), she obviously still wanted him in her life, and whether or their feelings remained the same for each other but were just hidden for all this time may be something you need to think about.
I think the best thing to do is to not contact. If she wants to contact you and if she misses you, she will. If not, then you’re better off without her, as her heart may have been somewhere else all along without her even realising. (speaking from experience here – hope I dont sound mean!)
That sounds amazing! I’m planning on contacting my ex in a few days and I’m really nervous – Im really hoping I end up having a day like that too. well done!
Thats the thing – I really want to fight for it but I don’t want to come on too strong incase I scare him off . Im so scared I’ll come across as needy and desperate to have him back – definately not something I want! He said he wants me in his life and wants to stay friends – we were close friends for a year and a half before we got together properly. And I know he still loves me but he’s scared hes missing out on something better…I just want to show him that Im the something better if that makes sense! (I sound crazy, I never usually talk like this!) I guess my confidence in him is a bit shaken as I thought he would have contacted me by now but hasn’t 🙁
very true! thanks so much. It is scary – I dont want to give off the impression Im needy 🙁 it is scary – im going to wait 30 days and do it the day after. He’s at a party saturday night…I feel really sick about him going and meeting new people, so yes, ill text him the day after! thanks for the advice 🙂
