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Only thing I am worried about – his sister seems to think that we can just be ‘good friends’ and that he wants to be too a few months after he gets back next week 🙁 I think it impossible to be good friends again with someone you were in love with….does this mean that he didnt love me? or is saying ‘good friends’ just another way of meaning ‘breaking the ice and on okay terms’?
Amy,
You’re dead on. These things are all indicative of him being immature and a little spiteful; which makes zero sense because it seems like you have been kind and compassionate throughout all of this. I wonder if he is upset that you aren’t acting out a little more? In any case you strike me as very caring and I think you deserve that in return. We can only guess about his motives but we can be sure that he knows you’re seeing his pictures and that it hurts you. Even when I’ve moved on from a break, I’ve made a concerted effort to keep it off social media until a respectable amount of time has passed.
Do you think you can distance yourself from his sister for a while? Just until you’ve moved on? I think it’ll go by pretty quickly now that you’ve got all these new opportunities in front of you, but she keeps him present in your life, which makes it harder.
As for me, I’ve received a text every day for the past three days. It makes me feel good like he misses me, but a little resentful, like he doesn’t want me to move on but still doesn’t want me. I’m trying to lean in to the second feeling not because I want to resent him but because I don’t want to get my hopes up and get ahead of myself.
Hey everyone,
Thanks Palmtrees22 for your advice. I am well aware that in order to be completely satisfied with my progresses I need to distance myself from all that regards this relationship.
My main goal is to let go of the emotional dependence and embodiment of perfection I feel for this person. I am regaining my self esteem with self-examining, self-admittance of my faults and acceptance. I realize that at some point in my relationship my confidence has started to drop dramatically till I ended up falling into self pity. My ex didn’t need this, she already had her insecurities to overcome; the essential reason she has gotten together with me in the first place was because she saw a trustworthy and confident man she could rely on, despite the turbulent love experiences in his life.
I am going to be that man again or even better, whether there will be a woman or not by my side.
Regarding your story, yes I think you are being wise by having your emotions under control. I agree he’s trying anything to stay in touch with you but his stalling can’t keep you stuck in place and he can’t take you for granted, life is a continuous evolving.Amy111,
I am glad you are starting to appreciate the changes. I respect the fact you still love this guy, because it was your choice to be with him, I don’t wanna judge it. Honestly though, I believe you have given much more in this relationship than what he has, I believe in a relationship the efforts must be equal and fair. I hope you will enjoy the new chapter of your life, with or without him.So going to send the flowers on wednsday after work. I think the timing is good, because I know she is having a hard time with the transition ….. Especially when she is alone. I want to keep my note short and sweet. Once u get writing it’s hard not to get carried away though. So just wondering from u folks who know my backstory, if u have some base ideas. Just to help me out some.
I think somethin along the lines of:
I know the past few weeks have been tough, here’s a little something to brighten your day.
Best,
SoupyBut maybe use your real name haha. The fact that you care/love her/are still in tune with what’s going on in her life are all conveyed by the act, no need to say more in the note
Fishing the sky that sounds great the changes you have made and that you want to make whether it be for this person or not. I think that’s such. Huge step so mega congrats 🙂
I think what Palmtrees has suggested soupy is an excellent idea. Not too personal, not too distant. Good luck with it all.
And thanks everyone for the positive vibes! If I’m honest I’ve been really down and struggling 🙁 I moved to this new place to be closer to my boyfriend, and I know no-one…new job, new town….I’m a bit lonely if I’m honest 🙁 and my ex is back next week, and I’m worried that he’s going to start his new job and a new life without me and will forget about me and will never want to have a second chance 🙁
I don’t know what to think 🙁 I would dearly love another chance to make things work because I do love him but at the same time I’m terrified us moving to new towns etc has killed off the chances of that ?
Last night I sent an email to my ex, with a link of a song I have been listening to for a few days. I know, I shouldn’t have done it, considering the regular NC period is almost over but it was something I had to get outta my system I suppose.
Thanks amy111, I hope I will achieve my goal. I can imagine how lonely you must feel, but again, in time, because it’s a matter of time, when you are more familiar with the place, the job, etc you will feel greatly better. Don’t think about what your ex is going to do, focus on yourself and make your own plans, he must not be your priority now.
If you think it can help you, you can pour your soul out here when you feel lonely, we are all in the same spot more or less.Cheer up!
Amy,
The stress of all of this is eased a great amount when I am able to remind myself that even if things don’t work out with him, I’m going to be fine. This is going to seem odd (I’ve found myself doing a lot of things I previously would have scoffed at in the wake of this break up) but I listen to positive affirmations, some even related to breaking up, and I find them to be a great way to start the day. It helps me focus more on myself than on him and what he is doing. That way, when we do communicate, I feel more clear on what it is that I want and don’t beat myself up (as much) about scaring him away when I communicate that. Like I said, it sounds strange but there’s a lot of Science behind the power of positive thinking and it may help you.
This whole thing has its ups and downs for all of us, but I really think once you settle in to your new place and job you’re going to be so busy you’ll stop worrying about him. How are you liking your new job?!
Thanks palm tree, u are right. I was having a hard time not overthinking it. Do u think I should add “I’m here if u need” anywhere? Or even “love”, soupy at the end. I’m leaning on just putting my name.
Another funny thing I noticed is since my ex has been back(couple weeks) her family has lit up my social media. I don’t think my ex has anything to do with it of course. It’s just very strange, as they didn’t do it at all the time we were together.
Fishingthesky did Your ex reply to your email?
Yea that’s very true…thank you everyone. I think the thought of him coming bCk to England on the 14th just makes me feel a tad bit sick really! Not sure what to think or expect and I think in my head I’m wishing and hoping he’ll be like “IVE MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAke!” ? which is super unlikely but oh well.
Thanks Palmtrees, I’ll try that too-at the moment I will try anything to feel a little better about things 🙁
Soupy, have you got a reply yet?
No amy111,she hasn’t and it’s very unlikely she will. Wasn’t counting on it anyway.
In the meantime, I think I am almost done with my letter, which is actually more like a farewell.
Hey Amy, I had some issues with the flowers. So I’m not sending them until tomorrow after her work. I honestly don’t know if I will get a response…… Because she has so much emotional stuff going on outside of me. But I’m doing this as much for me as her. But If I do get A thank you msg, I will ask how she is doing and go from there.
Good luck with the flowers Soupy, I’m sure she would appreciate them.
I don’t really know if this is progress or not, but I actually dreamt of another guy other than my ex. I know it sounds cheesy, but it’s better not dreaming of my ex to wake up and have him not be there. The guy is a friend that I have been taking interest in but I haven’t really done anything yet about it. I don’t want to rush into anything when I’m not ready yet.
Soupy,
My fingers are crossed for you!!
Amy,
I think maybe expectations relating to a certain timeframe or certain events might be causing you stress. It’s like you know you have this thing hanging over your head of when a potential reconciliation date would come and now that the date is nearing and the two of you have made no progress you are worried. Just try to remember that if he moves back and starts working it doesn’t mean he’s going to forget about you. In fact, I think it will be more likely once he gets into a daily routine that he’ll start thinking about you more and more. And you will be in a much better place by that time so it’s really for the best!
Thanks folks, she will be getting them in an hour or so. I basically went with what u said pAlmtree, just added some of my own touch a small bit. I know she will appreciate them. Just Not to sure what is going to happen, or how it will play out. But I will start up some small talk if she messages me at all and see how that goes.
That is a good sign Catherine. Means u are slowly moving ahead, I would say
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