17 days NC

So I sent the flowers and note today. I know she appreciated it and it definitely had an effect on her. Because It took her 4 hours to respond with a thank you(if it didn’t, it’s a quick easy msg to send or just not send). So I asked how she was doing. I was actually surprised to get a very detailed msg back about how she is and how she is handling her daughter being gone. I responded in kind and that was apparently the end of the conversation.
I’m not surprised as she is going through a lot. And it always seems, once i show support and she opens up some to me it effects her and throws her for a loop. And she pulls away. I’m not upset, as I got to reach out, do something nice and show her I’m here if she needs. I may reach out in a week or so. Or I may not, it all depends at the time how I feel.

Amy,

I think the answer to that question is totally situational. I’ve said this before but in your case I think it’ll take longer just because he’s been so busy and everything is new and different. It sounds like the tide will be changing soon as you’re getting busier with new and exciting things and the routine of working will be relatively blasé.

I’m in regular, friendly contact with my ex lately. It’s definitely a two way street of initiation and interest and I have decided to go back somewhat to the original plan of being friendly and then cutting him off if/when I feel like there is no progress. Since I’ve stated my feelings and he has since reached out to me, he is aware that my intentions are not friendly. He also has not been on a date in at least two months (despite us both being on dating apps) and when I asked about a certain girl he went to great lengths to assure me nothing is going on–even though I tried to get him to drop the subject immediately. There’s still a great deal of care there but I think he is wary of how heated I can get- which is why I’ve decided to continue contact, to show that I’m capable of addressing things in a calmer manner- our communication has really improved.

All that said, I’ve been texting with a guy I met through Bumble and have a lot of mutual friends with- we are going on a date next week and from what I can tell via text have compatible lifestyles and senses of humor. So I’m starting to think that the best way to move on is to actually move on. I’m clearly going in two directions here, but I feel pretty relaxed about it, which is a big change.

Fishingthesky I’m not sure what I mean really ? I guess I’ve read so many articles (lame I know) of how people say like “guys don’t feel the effects until later on” or “girls are more heartbroken” etc, but I guess that just depends on the person and the situation 🙂

Thanks palmtrees, I can definately understand what your saying. It’s wierd, when it happened last year 8 weeks on I was still crying…this year I feel like I’ve been so hurt that my mind as a defence mechanism has literally tried to “forget” about him-when I’m T work I don’t think about him much, when I’m at my new house j don’t either…I feel like my brain has put up a barrier this time- I can’t explain! It’s like I know I still love him and want to be with him and want him to miss me, but my brain is blocking him out? if that makes sense?

Palmtrees I think that’s super great 🙂 I’ve found meeting new people makes me realise that I’m still attractive to other people and it’s been a great build of my
Confidence 🙂

So i seen my ex today. I was driving by and she was outside, so i stopped in. She was surprised at first, but seemed happy to see me. She was very nervous for the first bit and seemed a little flustered. I mean i did surprise her. She let her dog out to play with mine and that seemed to take the edge of of her some and gave me a reason to stay longer. I asked how she was and she actually opened up about her daughter being gone and was open to listening to me. And she asked about me and told me i was looking good, i returned the comment and that seemed to make her nervous again. We talked for awhile longer about her and her situation, until i could see her wall coming up. With her daughter gone She is very hurt (in more ways then one), seems very lost and again not letting anyone in to help. I made the comment that “i was worried about her, so i wanted to make sure she was ok” and that seemed to set her off some. Which i should have expected, as she pulls back and doesnt want/let any one in to help. But rather lives in her own head, to which i think is a big problem in solving issues. Top it off when traumatic events do make a person overthink every part of there life and think major change is needed, as she is currently thinking on top of everything. All in all it wasnt a bad interaction, by any means. I told her if she needs anything to let me know and she said she would. To which i doubt very much, from what i seen and read of her. I can tell she is struggling with so much more then her daughter being gone, bottling it all up in the process, just plain confused. She seemed genuinly happy to talk to me and fairly open which was a bit surprising, but then she realizes it and pulls back. This has become less about getting her back, and more about her in general. But i dont know if me showing support is as good a thing with her, as i once thought. So im not sure if i should continue to reach out periodically? Or just cut off ties all together? Any ideas folks?

Guys I wanted an opinion on the letter I wrote, I think it’s the final draft:

“C,
I guess it’s time for me to let go too. I am stronger enough now to walk away from this and follow my own path.
You have made your choices and I honor them, there is nothing else I can do at this point but accepting things as they are. I hope you are happy, because I do want you to be, even if it’s in another man’s arms. Future has a great design for you, I believe.
I still would like to meet you one day again, when the sky has cleared up, but it’s up to you as well.
Thank you for all the efforts, your time and dedication you have put in this relationship in order to make it work.
My feelings for you and the memories will be nested inside my heart forever.

Goodbye.”

Thanks amy111. Yes it was extremely hard to write but it was necessary for myself. I am not sure she will care much about realizing I am gone, she seems she’s gotten used to it rather fast. I don’t expect her to reply even if I preferred she would grant me back a closure, but after all, I guess I don’t need it anymore.
I can’t tell you the hope is completely gone yet because as my friends say, I am still a hopeless romantic at heart, but I am a stronger person now, I am back on my feet.
I think I am going to send it by the end of this month.
How are you by the way?

Thanks catherine8. I know how you feel. In time, his voice will fade away till it becomes only an echo in your head and the memories will stay but hidden in the bottom drawer. You will get better, just hold on in there.