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Love makes us do crazy things. Down the road, if you want to take him back then do it. But only do it if you have changed for the better and he has as well.
If I would’ve read that email, I would’ve told him to pack and head on over to his ex. lol That would have been a closed door. maybe you’re heart is bigger than mine.
That’s one of the main reasons I don’t think I can get back with my ex. I feel like she cheated and acts as if she didn’t. Anyone would say she did, but she denies it.
Eh, let it out! lol If you felt like you needed to stick up for yourself, then that’s what you should’ve done. Especially if you were firm on giving up. And it was a good choice not bringing up his new ‘relationship’. It wouldn’t really be the root reason why you sent the message and it would make you seem jealous and petty. Making it about his wrong doings and not just yours, well, that’s more legit.
Julia,
If he gets mad, what’s the risk? Him not speak to you? Break up with you?
You said what you had to say. In my “give up letter” I apologized for my contribution to the problems. I explained that it wasn’t just one persons fault. I did touch on what my ex did and said that has hurt me, but I did it in a way that didn’t scream “I’m bitter as hell, F*** YOU!” lol
Did you just lay into him, or was it more like you said what you needed to say in a constructive way? Either way, you did what you felt you needed to. And if you’ve realized you’re done, then it doesn’t matter how he chooses to look at it. <3
Julia,
It takes guts to give up on what was to embark on a new journey towards something that’s better. You’re brave. 🙂
Keep us posted on your progress!
Julia. There’s room for everyone’s story here!
And thank you to both of you. Yeah, as I was telling you my story, I was like “Wow. I’m so much stronger at this point than I thought I could ever be. Progress!”
The relationship wouldn’t work long-term for sure since she is still showing signs of insecurity. Plus, there needs to be real healing and forgiveness. She was pretty cruel to me during the breakup. I feel like she even cheated, but she disagrees. She needs to mature. I encouraged her to work on herself, and she said she has been trying and now that she has her own place she can be by herself and really focus on what she needs to do to better herself. I’m proud of her.
Did I kind of want her to come over.. yeah. lol It would’ve been nice. =D But I have a clear mind now and it just wouldn’t be the right thing to do.
The end result wasn’t getting my ex back, but I am gaining my identity back, I have no more anxiety, and I’m learning about myself. I’m a success story!
Hey Catafox,
Today, my ex messaged me. Told me she misses me a lot, and she cries when listening to certain songs that remind her of me. I gave in and messaged her back to tell her that I have to pull away from her because there is a lot of hurt on my end, and I need to heal. I need to be able to accept a loving and healthy future for myself down the road, and if I am in the roller coaster ride with her and we aren’t even together, then that hinders my progress. I then told her that maybe we can be friends in a couple years when we both have grown into better people.
She said she loves me and she understands, and that she has cried about how she hurt me and what she’s done. We chatted about positive things for a few minutes and then I told her bye. She said bye as well. About an hour after that, she messaged me and asked if she could make love to me tonight. She said she already figures I’ll say no but that it was worth a shot. She followed up with saying she wants to make me feel good.
I told her that I appreciate that, but it would set me back and destroy the progress I have made because she is in no position to be what I need her to be. I told her I need room to be able to create something new. She said she wants to create something new with me, and that we can do it together. I rejected that and said it won’t be easy, and I feel she hasn’t taken the necessary steps to be able to create something new. (Still has issues, jealousy/insecure). I ended it with another “I appreciate it”.
I’m not confused. Surprisingly. I know time and space is imperative for growth and to better myself. I just stopped having anxiety, and her doing this would put me right back to where I was. I never imagined I’d be able to say no to her. I love her so fucking much! lol NC really does help. Maybe not like some want it to in the beginning, but it gives a logical outlook. Not an outlook fogged up my emotions! My friend just called me spock. lol
Anyway,
I’ll keep you posted.
She might have not seemed excited to talk to you, but doesn’t mean she wasn’t. If she was scared to text you and from what you said, she was probably playing it cool.
The thing with NC, in a lot of cases, you don’t know if it’s working, but it depends on the situation. NC has helped my ex miss me to the point she cries when listening to certain songs that remind her of me. (She just told me this morning) But has she made any real attempts to get back together with me or to show me she is remorseful or regrets what she has done? No.
See, even when I think of NC I think of it as a means to get my ex to miss me. What it’s really about is working on ourselves and discovering why it went wrong. NC allows us to step back and remove the clutter so we can get rid of delusional thoughts of grand love we thought we had. We get slapped in the face with the truth! It’s a good thing.
NC is working if you have enlightened yourself on what you could’ve been doing wrong, improved yourself, and you know you can be happy no matter the outcome.
If it doesn’t work in the sense you don’t get your ex back, you’ll still have a better outlook, etc. If it doesn’t work in the sense of you gaining a better outlook and improving yourself, then that’s because you weren’t open to it.
Day 1 of NC after making contact to write my ex a letter. She was under the impression I was just being spiteful when initiating NC. I had to set the record straight, and on top of that I wrote about how I felt. It wasn’t needy. It was confident..and I didn’t mind starting over with NC. It was worth it.
However, she thanked me and what not for the message and said she had more to say.. I didn’t respond to her reply and I think I pissed her off. She changed some things on her social networks to where I am blocked off completely. She was fine with all of that before. Now NC is going to be tougher because I know I will read into why she did that. Is it because of another girl? What is she hiding? Is she mad at me and being spiteful? It will leave me guessing for a good few days.
It’s so ridiculous. Everything bad or good that happens every day, I catch myself reaching for my phone to tell her about it. Even during NC when doing a relatively great job on discovering things about myself, I find myself getting interesting information and wanting to let her know. If I get tackled hard in rugby, the first thought I have is, “I can’t wait to get a massage!” ..then I remember we aren’t together anymore. And I almost cry. That pain of not having that once, very significant connection, is more painful than any hit by an amazon woman could ever be.
Been getting slammed with so much alternative approaches to NC, and I am wondering if I am choosing the correct path. Based on her personality, I don’t know if the could shoulder deal is the right way to go. Then on the flip side of that, I’m not 100% sure that we’re able to get back together. Or if I want to. .
Damn it, this sucks. I never imagined I’d be dealing with a breakup and one with such a f*** up ending. She turned into someone I can’t recognize.
Yeah. There were a lot of areas and some thoughts and feelings I needed to express with her in a positive way. She believed that I was angry and that’s why I wasn’t talking to her. I had to set the record straight; that it has nothing to do with anger. (Although, I have been angry on and off and really hurt) But I thought it was counter-productive if she felt I was just doing this to be spiteful.
I believe sticking with NC will be a good thing for me, but I’m not entirely sure if it will do any good in terms of getting a new and better relationship with my ex. I say that because she is a very selfish person, and she will more than likely lose whatever feelings she has left for me. She is extremely self-involved. NC has helped me see all of this, and who knows.. maybe I won’t want her eventually. I already feel like I could be okay without her and her issues stifling my life. I do love her beyond measure. Don’t get me wrong. I have a burning passion with her name all over it, but life is too short to wait for someone else to fix themselves. Plus, all the really messed up things she did.. it kind of screams she wasn’t in love with me.
I think if you were a friend to your ex that it could still work in your favor. Stick to the plan a bit. Don’t be needy. Don’t constantly hit your ex up to talk or hang out. You know the drill. Improve right in front of her eyes, if remaining in contact is the way you want to go. Good luck, buddy.
