SuzyL

Read it. 🙂 I responded. Hang in there!

It’s a pretty complicated story. lol We were fighting for months. She claimed I broke up with her at the end of April. I said I broke up, but we never straight up said “lets get back together” in any past breaks. We just kissed, cuddled, had sex..planned for the future. And all was forgotten. Well, she has really bizarre behavior for a month and we fought, made up and began speaking of a future. She even tried having sex with me, etc. One weekend, she went to a party and slept with another woman. (Her current rebound) And a few days later told me about it, and said she wasn’t in love with me anymore and wanted to pursue this rebound. She told ppl we had been broken up for 2 months, and that’s a flat out lie. She claims she didn’t cheat and didn’t leave me for this other woman. Both, I believe to be lies. I begged her to come back home and fix our 12yr relationship. I truly believed she was my soul mate. She refused. She wanted to pursue this other woman. That was back at the end of June. So going on 3 months ago.

Right after she told me she wasn’t in love, I didn’t do anything. I was frozen. She said she wasn’t in love and she said she didn’t think I was either. The only thing I said was, “I’ve been in love with you since the day I was born.” She began to cry, but quickly stopped. I then asked her what are we going to do about the living arrangements.

After about another month, she came over. I played like I was happy. I bought new clothes. I lost weight (from 127lbs to 110lbs) and I spoke confidently about my future goals and my life. She kept telling me how beautiful I was, etc. We had sex, and she told me she has hope for us but she wants to date down the road and try to reconnect. She didn’t want to jump right back in because a lot of shitty things happened. I agreed. The next day, she obviously spoke to her rebound and came to my house, screamed at me that she didn’t want it..and was super fucking cruel. I just sat and cried. Then, as she was leaving, I was having a meltdown. Two days later, she called me and said again she has hope for us, but she is confused. She said she doesn’t know what she wants, she just doesn’t want to wake up in the same place, with the same life.

We spoke on and off for a couple of weeks. We kind of dated, and we went on about 5 dates. She then approached me about working on a future. I told her I am hesitant, but we needed to go to therapy..and I didn’t want her talking to her rebound while we were trying to connect. I didn’t think it was right. She had a look on her face as to say, “I really don’t want this now.” The next day, she spoke to her rebound and told her that she couldn’t speak to her. Then I called my ex, and she said that she wasnt sure she wanted to be in a relationship with me. I asked her if it was because she spoke to her rebound. She said that her rebound was deflated and sad, and that it made her feel a certain love for her..and if she is feeling that way then it isn’t fair that she try to connect with me. She came and got her things out of my house, and she left with barely any hesitation.

That’s when I went to this site and began NC. I went 9 days of NC, and during NC I realized a lot about myself. I even learned a lot about my ex. And about 9 days in, I realized that I don’t need my ex. Pretty much whatever happens happens. That’s when I created this thread, “I gave up”. Since the initial post of this thread, my ex hit me up constantly. I finally answered through facebook. I explained that I am progressing and finding my own identity and seeing and speaking to her at this point would set me back. I didn’t care about what I told her, because I felt that my goal wasn’t to get her back anymore. It was to be happy no matter what. A day or so after that, she called me..and I posted the whole thing in another thread “My ex wont stop talking to rebound so we can connect” I think that was the title. lol

Sorry for the long story, but I didn’t want to flip through pages to find the link to my story. But yeah.. we only went 9 days total of not speaking to each other. And after she pretty much said bye to me a 3rd time because she wants to be able to hang with her rebound and speak to her while essentially dating me. She makes sure she mentions we don’t have titles because if her rebound wants to have sex or date or whatever..she is free to do so. I decided after that..I was doing NC for 6 months. After the conversation about the rebound and her refusing to say bye to the rebound, she messages me and called me a handful of times and played like I never said anything about taking a full on break from communication. She just kept saying she misses me, she loves me, she wishes I was next to her.. It’s like she doesn’t take me seriously. So NC it is.

I’m not sure how long she’s been with her NC. I know I was first told they had sex middle to end of July. She then kept it going pretty steadily with the rebound for about a good month and a week, and overtime they slowed down. Now, according to my ex, they don’t speak very often and they don’t really hang out anymore. Which confuses me because why will she not stop speaking to the rebound all together so we can connect and work on things. I mean, I know I’ve said at this point, my ex has a lot of growing up to do..but this whole thing, this past week, has really proven she isn’t the right one for me at all given her current state of mind.

I’m not sure if she’s waiting on her rebound. Or what..and I can’t get her to really open up to me about it. The only thing she will tell me is why her and the rebound slowed down..and it kind of seems like she pissed the rebound off with her up and down feelings about getting back together with me. Not only that, but my ex also told the rebound that she wasn’t trying to jump from one relationship to another. Add in baggage on both sides, and it’s no wonder things slowed down..but yeah.
I’m still positive about everything. I’ll be happy no matter what.

So, because of how solid I was feeling about my ex and the breakup, I decided to answer a phone call from my ex. The conversation was good, constructive, positive and full of honesty. I played it cool and was confident sounding. Warm but not needy or emotional. She told me that I am what she wants in a partner. And that she wishes I was this new person in the relationship. I explained to her that it’s no ones fault, but in a cycle that we couldn’t break..neither one of us could be who we really are. We lost ourselves. I lost my identity, and I am taking serious steps to get it back so that I can be open to love and a great relationship whether with her or someone else.

She began to cry and says she doesn’t know why the connections fizzles out, but that I am everything she wants in a partner. I asked her if she thought guilt, anxiety or fear has anything to do with it. She said she honestly doesn’t know. I told her that we just need to progress as individuals. Neither one of us knows what will happen, but that I need to continue my progress..and I wanted to limit communication. She started crying again and said she will probably cry herself to sleep because she wants me by her to “snuggle”. We ended up passing out on the phone together.

I did not attempt to make contact the next day. I wasn’t expecting her to either. I just went about my day, and eventually she called and texted me. I waited a while before responding and told her that I was busy at rugby. After rugby, I called her and she answered and then hung up. It sent an old familiar feeling of sadness and anger. About an hour later, she left a voice mail saying she was at dinner with a friend and her friend was telling her about a crisis. She didn’t mean to answer at all, but just to hit ignore. I believed her, but the feeling I had when she answered and hung up let me know that I am not ready to have the “false friendship” type thing.
We talked about random things for about an hour, and then she said something about “When I have my kids..blah blah blah”..and I stopped listening. Again, sadness took over. If she has babies, I want her to have them with me! So, today..I am going on another NC journey. Not to win the girl back, but to progress even more. I want to be able to not feel sadness when she does or says certain things. I guess what probably changed my feelings a bit about my outlook is that she actually told me she is very sorry and that she has cried about what she’s done..and she even expressed how ashamed she was of her immature and cruel behavior.

So.. I am not set back too much..but I feel like NC is best for now.

Just wanted to let that out.