She wants to reconcile, but now I'm afraid.

Hey all,

I’m not in the right frame of mind or the right emotional state, but now my ex says she wants to fight for me. The last few weeks has been really up and down with her, but that only feeds my doubt. The last time I posted on here, my ex was ready to say bye to me in order to keep her rebound in the picture. A couple days later, after I told her that I need a break from her inconsistent and rather confusing behavior, my ex popped up with birthday gifts. We spoke, and she gave me her side, stating: “If you and I are working on making a healthy, new relationship, I will remove “T” out of my life. But, if you want to take these long breaks that you’ve been doing, I don’t see why I need to stop talking to a person that I am just friends with and barely speak to or hang with…” I agreed that it wouldn’t be fair that if I left her life for a period of time, she shouldn’t be left with those kinds of stipulations. So, she agreed she will not speak or hang out with her rebound while we are figuring our situation out.

We decided to create a 15 week reconciliation period where we have fun, date, do new things together, and where we learn about the people we are now and what we want. We also both agreed on going to at least two therapy sessions during this time. At the end of the 15 weeks, well, I don’t know what will happen.

After establishing the 15 week period, I ended up reading my ex’s journal. Not all of it, but there was a date for Aug. 25th of this year. I read it, and she had stated that she loves me “so much” but she doesn’t think we should be together, and she “THINKS” her rebound could be the one. And she wants to “Take care of, love and protect” her rebound. Around this time, my ex was speaking to me about dating. She also, around this time, told me that she was just friends with this rebound and she barely hung out and spoke to this person. Also, this was about the time my ex was willing to walk out of my life for this rebound, but ignored my request to know what is was about this other woman that made it so hard for her to pull away. A week after the journal entry is when she started talking to me about reconciliation. Two weeks later, we’re on this 15 week reconciliation period and even spending some nights together.

I called her out about what she had said in her journal. She became hostile and said it’s wrong that I went through it. I told her that I don’t regret doing so because apparently she can’t be honest with me about this other woman. She told me that it was a random feeling she had and just wrote it down, and that I am the closest to “being the one” than her rebound ever will be. And that the last couple of weeks with me has ignited a want to reconnect and be together with me.

I asked her why she lied about how she felt about this woman. My ex said that her feelings for her rebound have been up and down, and she hasn’t had those kind of feelings consistently. And that every time I asked, she answered honestly about only being friends with this girl. But I feel like she still lied because I never asked about her status.. I always asked about how she felt about this woman. She would only say she is attracted to her and likes her. She never told me just how much and certainly not that she thought this woman could be the one. So, naturally, I told my ex that I don’t want to pursue anything with her because everything she has said to me is inconsistent or a blatant lie.. and that she can’t admit she lied when asked about how she felt about this other woman. She still won’t admit to cheating either. (How she did it was through an “exit affair”.. which, by her own words, she was doing but still won’t admit it was cheating.)

I also explained to her that I don’t want to do the 15 weeks if she is just going to, at some point, feel like she has unresolved desires surrounding this rebound or she still has feelings for this woman. She was explaining that she hasn’t even thought about this woman, but it’s not unnatural to be attracted to other people while in a relationship. I replied, “Of course we all see things we’re attracted to, but you just stated you have feelings for her. Present tense. And there’s a difference between seeing a hot girl in a store and still being into someone you fucked while not even out of a relationship. No wonder why you’ve chosen her over me three separate times. Something happened with you two and now I’m expected to just let you back in.”

She clarified that she “had” feelings for this other woman, and that she has been confused for a long time about her feelings for both me and this other woman. She also stated that because we spent time together and it was good, and haven’t spent time with “T”, she feels like she’s been able to connect with me in a better way. She said she hasn’t thought about this other girl since being around me consistently.

Am I just being naive and utterly stupid? I feel like if anything isn’t right in her eyes, she won’t voice it. Instead, she will just run off and go back to this rebound again. Also, how does a random feeling of her rebound being the one just happen..especially when they don’t even speak or see each other. She’s shown me texts and has proven that they don’t really speak or hang out. My ex has told me that her up and down feelings pissed her rebound off, and that she tried to talk to her rebound “like that”..but her rebound didn’t respond in the way she wanted and she left it as that.

I’ve expressed all my concern to my ex, and she says she didn’t come back to me because things weren’t working with her rebound. She says that she wants to fight for me, but I am so scared I’m being this naive, stupid girl. There’s a lot of holes in her story, but what if she just can’t communicate properly. (Which contributed to the downside of the relationship)

Anyone have advice? Should I say bye to her? Am I being played? Should I at least wait to make a decision so we can go to therapy?

I’m so sorry this is long and probably not organized very well. I had to type and submit quickly.

Thanks,
S