I gave up

It’s a pretty complicated story. lol We were fighting for months. She claimed I broke up with her at the end of April. I said I broke up, but we never straight up said “lets get back together” in any past breaks. We just kissed, cuddled, had sex..planned for the future. And all was forgotten. Well, she has really bizarre behavior for a month and we fought, made up and began speaking of a future. She even tried having sex with me, etc. One weekend, she went to a party and slept with another woman. (Her current rebound) And a few days later told me about it, and said she wasn’t in love with me anymore and wanted to pursue this rebound. She told ppl we had been broken up for 2 months, and that’s a flat out lie. She claims she didn’t cheat and didn’t leave me for this other woman. Both, I believe to be lies. I begged her to come back home and fix our 12yr relationship. I truly believed she was my soul mate. She refused. She wanted to pursue this other woman. That was back at the end of June. So going on 3 months ago.

Right after she told me she wasn’t in love, I didn’t do anything. I was frozen. She said she wasn’t in love and she said she didn’t think I was either. The only thing I said was, “I’ve been in love with you since the day I was born.” She began to cry, but quickly stopped. I then asked her what are we going to do about the living arrangements.

After about another month, she came over. I played like I was happy. I bought new clothes. I lost weight (from 127lbs to 110lbs) and I spoke confidently about my future goals and my life. She kept telling me how beautiful I was, etc. We had sex, and she told me she has hope for us but she wants to date down the road and try to reconnect. She didn’t want to jump right back in because a lot of shitty things happened. I agreed. The next day, she obviously spoke to her rebound and came to my house, screamed at me that she didn’t want it..and was super fucking cruel. I just sat and cried. Then, as she was leaving, I was having a meltdown. Two days later, she called me and said again she has hope for us, but she is confused. She said she doesn’t know what she wants, she just doesn’t want to wake up in the same place, with the same life.

We spoke on and off for a couple of weeks. We kind of dated, and we went on about 5 dates. She then approached me about working on a future. I told her I am hesitant, but we needed to go to therapy..and I didn’t want her talking to her rebound while we were trying to connect. I didn’t think it was right. She had a look on her face as to say, “I really don’t want this now.” The next day, she spoke to her rebound and told her that she couldn’t speak to her. Then I called my ex, and she said that she wasnt sure she wanted to be in a relationship with me. I asked her if it was because she spoke to her rebound. She said that her rebound was deflated and sad, and that it made her feel a certain love for her..and if she is feeling that way then it isn’t fair that she try to connect with me. She came and got her things out of my house, and she left with barely any hesitation.

That’s when I went to this site and began NC. I went 9 days of NC, and during NC I realized a lot about myself. I even learned a lot about my ex. And about 9 days in, I realized that I don’t need my ex. Pretty much whatever happens happens. That’s when I created this thread, “I gave up”. Since the initial post of this thread, my ex hit me up constantly. I finally answered through facebook. I explained that I am progressing and finding my own identity and seeing and speaking to her at this point would set me back. I didn’t care about what I told her, because I felt that my goal wasn’t to get her back anymore. It was to be happy no matter what. A day or so after that, she called me..and I posted the whole thing in another thread “My ex wont stop talking to rebound so we can connect” I think that was the title. lol

Sorry for the long story, but I didn’t want to flip through pages to find the link to my story. But yeah.. we only went 9 days total of not speaking to each other. And after she pretty much said bye to me a 3rd time because she wants to be able to hang with her rebound and speak to her while essentially dating me. She makes sure she mentions we don’t have titles because if her rebound wants to have sex or date or whatever..she is free to do so. I decided after that..I was doing NC for 6 months. After the conversation about the rebound and her refusing to say bye to the rebound, she messages me and called me a handful of times and played like I never said anything about taking a full on break from communication. She just kept saying she misses me, she loves me, she wishes I was next to her.. It’s like she doesn’t take me seriously. So NC it is.

I’m not sure how long she’s been with her NC. I know I was first told they had sex middle to end of July. She then kept it going pretty steadily with the rebound for about a good month and a week, and overtime they slowed down. Now, according to my ex, they don’t speak very often and they don’t really hang out anymore. Which confuses me because why will she not stop speaking to the rebound all together so we can connect and work on things. I mean, I know I’ve said at this point, my ex has a lot of growing up to do..but this whole thing, this past week, has really proven she isn’t the right one for me at all given her current state of mind.

I’m not sure if she’s waiting on her rebound. Or what..and I can’t get her to really open up to me about it. The only thing she will tell me is why her and the rebound slowed down..and it kind of seems like she pissed the rebound off with her up and down feelings about getting back together with me. Not only that, but my ex also told the rebound that she wasn’t trying to jump from one relationship to another. Add in baggage on both sides, and it’s no wonder things slowed down..but yeah.
I’m still positive about everything. I’ll be happy no matter what.