No Contact Annoymous – Share your struggles with keeping NC

SuzyL,

I want to make a confession though. I wanted to shut this door of reconciliation. Like I’ve already mentioned if something happens in the future it should come only from him. Now I am not saying I will accept him back (probably not). But I wanted to show him than I am moving on and I am not hoping at all.

One main issue in our relationship was him contacting his ex. In the fourth month while we were dating he emailed her (yes I read the mail after 10 months and I apologised to him) that he tried to move on but he cant cause he still loves her. I wanted to break up but he convinced me he meant nothing to her. I believed him and took him back. Our relationship did become stronger than his previous one. Nevertheless I always felt that I was the one who offered so much more. Simply by accepting him back.

SuzyL,

I know for a fact he didn’t cheat on me. But to be honest I always felt he did it even by writing this email to her.

SuzyL,

As you can realise this issue was a big part of this email. Even though we had discussed it before I don’t think he ever knew how much he hurt me. Oh well..time will tell

2 months of NC. Every now and then I can’t help but cry I start missing my ex (which is everyday). I can still feel the pain of her leaving me for reasons I dont know which one is true. I tried not to think about all of it because it does break my heart again and again. Every day goes by i feel like there is no way we could get back again and there are times where i accepted and other times i feel like fighting for it again. I hope this would end, im getting tired of this emotional meltdown every now and then.

Julia,

I the letter have you the peace and comfort you need to move on. I really hope he writes an honest letter back to you. We all need that closure. If not I’m sure you wrote everything important detail that that he had to know. You finally got that off your chest and that feels great also.

Good luck!

I hope the letter gave you*

Hi everyone.

The past few mornings have been tough. I haven’t had moments like this in soooo loong. I feel like my mentally in my first few days of NC. It’s not me though..it’s my subconscious. I’ve been having dreams of her back to back. I can’t handle it. In the dream I see myself trying to win her over like the first few weeks after our break up. During those time I went through a lot. I had lost my confidence, I was insecure, I desprately wanted her to like me that I focused my happiness on that. So I was always feeling horrible. So much pain…having these dreams only reminded me of the pain I went through. In the dreams my ex tells me she’s had enough of me bugging her and wants me out of her life. And on top of that she’s seeing someone else in the dream also.

Of course I begin to feel this horrible pain of hart brokenness in the dream. After this I wake up…how the heck am I suppose to comeback from this.

I doing better now but I just hate these dreams. I just had to remind myself why I wouldn’t be happy with her. She’s changed. She’s not the girl I dated. I find her annoying, immature, and despite her decision making. On top of that I don’t find her phyically attracting anymore. Above all, she’s so stubborn! I could never deal with that.

I think I feel much better now. Back to my day.

Julia,

Honestly it think it might be a little of both. I can’t say I’ve moved on because I haven’t yet. But I’m most defiantly working on it. I was doing well until I started having dreams of her. That just brought back memories and made things harder.

I wouldn’t be in such an emotional mess if she wasn’t what she is now. She put me through a lot. And even now that we are not together anymore she still is. It gets me angry to think how she turned like this. No I don’t want her but it’s the memories that haunt me at times. I despise who she is now.

I’ll get through this. Just need time.