Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Don’t worry about the length. lol Umm.. You wouldn’t be the rebound if he came back. She, to me, is the rebound. If things became rocky between the two of you and he even said he felt like you two were in such a bad state for months leading to the breakup.. then she is a rebound. With him having sex and letting you know he felt the same feelings as before, then going back to that girl.. he is confused. Keep doing NC. Worry about yourself and the baby. Easier said than done (We all know this), but it’s especially important to take care of yourself during this time. Evaluate how you can improve what you believe to have been the core issues on your side of things.
My ex did similar things. I suspected she was already talking to her rebound for a while before she slept with her rebound. Her behavior was sketchy. Then, she didn’t waste any time sleeping with the rebound and saying and doing the same things you’re saying your ex did with his rebound. We even had sex, and she spoke of fixing things and having a future. The very next day, she went back to her rebound.
I’m technically in my 7th day of NC. I’m doing just fine, and I am sort of discovering that it is a blessing in disguise that all of this has happened. I’ve found out so much about myself, and I am getting my identity back. At first, I felt like I couldn’t envision a future without her, and now I know that with or without her…I’m going to have a great future. One where there is love.
Well, she could be freaking out and feeling pressure to explore other options. You two are young, and with being so young..sometimes what seems to be a solid and serious relationship ends up being a “Omfg..I’m only 20. I mentioned kids and marriage. wtf. he’s really into that idea..I’m not ready! What if he’s not who I am supposed to be with!? What am I missing out on!?”
That’s what I mean by pressure. Just follow the steps. I know it’s hard. We all do. We’ll be here for you. Every step of the way.
Just keep in mind that you can’t think too much into it. Once you start doing that, you’re going to halt your own progress. People do a million things for a trillion different reasons. Humans are so complex in thoughts and feelings. I think we’re a walking talking puzzle with so many pieces we can’t even begin to imagine fitting them all together before we pass on.
This is the text I am thinking about sending:
“I am not angry. I need this space from you to have room to discover myself, and I have been discovering quite a bit. About my behavior..my codependency..and form of dialogue with you during our relationship. I’m taking this time to process what I couldn’t before. I suggest you do the same. Discover things about yourself, and understand your part in what happened. Try to understand the meaning and severity of your actions and experience personal growth. Work on being the best you and learn about your issues and how you can help control them. Release the fear and hurt from the past. I am taking this time to gain back my identity as an individual. It’s a beautiful thing to understand myself and be able to work on bettering myself so that I may have a happy and loving future. I wish you the same.” I know I probably shouldn’t send this.. but I want to so bad. It’s so long winded, but I don’t care. It pisses me off that she is oblivious to this degree.
Woke up to a series of texts from my ex:
“I love you. Life is too short. I just started my day off with a death of a young lady. She only lived a month after finding out that she had cancer. Anything could happen to you or I and I just hope that things can smooth out quickly so we can be in each others life again. Tomorrow is not promised. I hope you are having a good day. Love you!”
I feel like I should let her know I’m not doing this because I am mad, but this is a time where I can deal with everything on my own, etc. Is that a bad idea?
Also, it seems like she has friend zoned me already. I know she misses me, but just because we were the best of friends. Besides being partners/mates.What the hell do I do?
*I originally posted this in a thread all its own, but no one responded. I’m still confused as to what I should do!*
I have a drafted text waiting to send. I am willing to break NC for this..but I would like advice before doing so. I feel like her text indicates she believes I am mad. I’m not angry at all. Second, that fact it seems like she wants to quickly smooth things over to have me in her life indicates she has no idea the severity of the situation..or at the least she has no guilt about how she handle the situation. how she tore my fucking heart out. It’s not even realistic at this point to suggest we be around each other. What planet is she living on!?
I’m heated. Someone please give me advice on how to handle this, and maybe what you get from it. Thanks.
and another thing.. don’t discuss your ex with your friends if you think it can get back to her!
Have you considered that she told your friend Nick that so it would get back to you? And she may be content. Whatever pressure she was feeling before has probably lifted. Don’t concentrate on that. Concentrate on yourself and being your attractive best (inside and out). How old are you two?
When and if you are doing NC, tell your friends you don’t want to hear about your ex. I can’t see that as helping with your progress.
Can you explain more of your situation? Did you guys break up and then he started seeing someone else, or he straight up left you for another girl? If you were together for two years, I feel like this new girl is a rebound. Rebounds can be someone that a partner finds even before leaving the relationship he or she is in. It keeps them from feeling the void of leaving the relationship they are in. It’s not the right way to do it, and you are the only one that can decide if it’s worth fighting for. That quote, is pretty correct. There was something lacking in your relationship or else he wouldn’t have left. Just initiate NC, and see where it takes you. You’ll be able to understand more once you take a step back and see what was actually lacking. He may not be in love, but I don’t think he doesn’t love you as a person.
Concerning the quote: It’s just saying time doesn’t guarantee anything when it comes to relationships. I thought because my ex and I were together for 12yrs that it should be enough to keep her from leaving me. I was sooo wrong. The quality of our relationship the last 6 months sucked! It was horrible. We both became detached and didn’t compromise. And here I am.. single.We all feel your struggle. <3 Determine with a rational mind whether you really want him back or not. No contact is the best way to do this.
It could’ve been the excuse you gave him. Plus, if you were accidentally cold sounding..it probably refreshed the bad shit that happened to cause the breakup.
Keep cool. Stop texting. I honestly would wait longer than a week to contact him again. That’s just me though..
Next time, whether it’s calling or texting..have a game plan.
These words may not inspire, but just hang in there. Stay strong.
It doesn’t mean it’s completely over. It means she is really confused. She’s probably debating with herself about maintaining things with you and wondering if there’s something she’s missing out on. My ex said and did the same things. Don’t freak out about the “closure” statement. She is going her own route right now, and still cares about how you’re feeling. That’s where that’s coming from. She wants to give you closure so you don’t feel the need to wait or carry on in an emotional way. She cares. Think of it that way.
Two years is a good chunk of time. You have a chance, but you’ll have to stay strong!
You know what? It’s also because we were with them for so many years that we have a good chance. You probably have more a chance than I. My ex is extremely selfish and hasn’t shown sympathy for her actions (Like jumping right into bed with someone and lying about it, treating me bad, etc) and she straight up told me she doesn’t regret it. That’s why I think I am going to do way more than 30 days of NC. I’m only about a week in, but I still feel a lot of pain when I think about what she’s done. Asking myself, how can she go off the deep end like that? It’s always been me and her against the world! Sometimes, people do things as a result of stress and feelings of deep insecurity. That’s why during NC we need to focus only on ourselves. If we concentrate on fixing ourselves in whatever way we can only to hopefully change them, we have codependency issues..and that’s not a good thing. Create your own independent life. Cancel the magazine subscriptions. Change the way your home looks. Buy different bed sheets. It will help you. It helped me. The only place I still go that we both agreed to go for breakfast every Friday..is Dennys. I go every couple of weeks..but not on Friday. Besides that, I avoid places and things we did frequently together, as much as I can anyway.
You should look up some of the books I have suggested for reading. Even if we weren’t married to our exes, we were still on very long-term committed relationships that were like a marriage. Those books will help you understand more about yourself, and maybe even enlighten you about serious issues that you have never recognized. When people go through a crisis like quarter-life crisis, it can take them a very long time to snap out of it. Especially if feelings of depression set in with them.
It’s good that you showed her your positive side. And her thanking you and wishing it was there before..well, that’s her at least letting you know she likes it a bit.. so keep it up!! When the time comes, you can show her that it wasn’t an act, but it’s a serious step toward bettering yourself. Hopefully, all the positive changes will show her that she can feel secure and have a new outlook on an everlasting relationship with you.
My ex texted me today. I posted about it in another thread in No contact. I never replied. I don’t know what to day, or if I should say anything. I think she thinks my no contact means I am angry with her. I’m not angry anymore. Still hurt, but not angry. Idk if I should let her know that or not.
Hope your day is well,
Suzy
How long were you two together?
Play it cool. Don’t insult him if you and your ex speak. Don’t act needy. Don’t have emotional breakdowns. Stop texting and talking to her. This is probably a rebound. Even if she likes him, it still is likely that it’s a rebound. Rebounds, from what I’ve read, can last for months. So, sometimes it seems like a new, legit relationship, but it’s not. Follow the 5 steps. You’ve probably seen that all over this site, and that’s because it’s the best thing to do for yourself. There are plenty of reasons she could’ve needed space, but you can’t get lost in the “why”…try your best to recover.
