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mhyy
We were also engaged when he brok up with me. Actually I think our problems started getting serious after the engagement( even though it was his idea and it took him a while to get me on board) he started to NOT take everything seriously and we ended up fighting like crazy for three months to the point where he finally said we’re not right for each other and left. And he hasn’t contacted me since. And I heard he’s living his life with no regrets apparently. So restarting NC is sort of an obligation for me. Cause when there is no contact at all, you’re already on NC. And of coures I don’t wanna be the one who will contact in the future. He already knows how I feel and I told him that I accept his decision. I’m no more than a memory to him. At least that’s what I felt after our visit. So I restart NC to find a way to move on. Any suggestion?Julia,
First of all I just want to say that I know how much strength and courage it takes to come to a decision like this. It’s not easy, so we are here for you to continue your new focus which is to MOVE ON.
I’m happy and proud of you. You’ve come a long way and I can see a difference in your adittude. I can feel that confidence.
Julia, before I finish let me tell you about a piece of advice a friend gave me once. She said “maybe…in order to get your ex back you have to move on” (that was you). Now I’m not saying to give your ex another chance but we don’t know what’s up ahead.
If you’re meant to be your paths will cross again sometime in the future. If not, it was his loss. Believe me we guys always think about the one that got away. The one we lost, regardless if he broke up with her.
I wish you the best in your new journey. If your ex contacts you one day I KNOW for a FACT you’ll be ready. If not, I know you’ll find someone else who will make you just as happy, when you are ready of course. There’s endless opportunities
Keep focusing on yourself like you have. Please keep us updated.
Be strong and good luck!
SuzyL,
Thank you. I tried to apply your advice as he just called me half an hour ago during our usual daily phone call time. I had trouble really saying what I needed to because he pretty much said it for me and sounded like he already knew. Then I suddenly felt my day was going well until he called and couldn’t speak.Him: What’s up?
Me: Uhh..I just ordered Chinese…
Him: That’s nice…I just wanted to see if you were doing alright.
Me: Don’t worry about me. (I don’t want to have a conversation.)
Him: I’m still here to be your friend if you need anything. My number and my Facebook are still active. You can text, call, chill with me again whenever you’re ready.
Me: …okay…
Him: I just wanted to know how you’re doing.
Me:…okay…I’m okay…
Him: I’ll still be your friend…that’s probably the last thing you want to hear from me…
Me:…
Him: …I’m sorry…bye.
Me: Okay…bye.
(Whole minute for him to hang up.)He obviously still cares about you, and there could be lingering feelings toward you. However, from what you posted..I don’t see how he stated what you were trying to say anyway. Clarify?
I think you need to not be on the phone with him. Write him a message or a hand written letter. Express how you really feel without the pressure of him being present .. in person or on the phone.
I wanted to simply say I’ve had an okay DAY not that I am myself. My well being should be none of your concern as you need to take care of yourself. I need some time away from you and I am aware that your number is still active and so is your Facebook so I will contact you again when I’m ready.
What I forgot to tell you was that during our week long break I regretfully went through some type of withdrawal and neglected my needs. I became sleep deprived and also lived off of one meal a day and so I lost a bit of weight. Of course I told him the truth about this when he came back to see me and he felt responsible and guilty.
Him calling back to see if I was okay made me think that alright he just wants to make sure I’m taking care of myself this time around. I thought just mentioning the silly Chinese food (unhealthy I know, but yes I’m still eating regularly) would give him the slight reassurance that I was okay enough at least for today. Him then cutting the pointless small talk out and bringing up his friend offer again AND reminding me of his availability before I could say anything, I meant, took up my wanting to say I need space/time away from what was and I’ll get back to you when I feel ready to talk and chill platonically. Once he pretty much did that for me there was nothing left to think of or say and he felt that too. So he just said the friend thing again and remembered I didn’t ask for it so he apologized…and it got depressing and awkward that was that…yaaaay
Morvarid,
I really don’t know how. There isn’t specific plan or solution you just move on no matter hard it is. I am tired of making assumptions, hoping, obsessing and waiting. Bottom of line he doesn’t owe me anything. If he contacts me then he contacts me. He broke up with me. Means he doesn’t want to be with me anymore.
It won’t be easy, I know it. Everyday is an emotional struggle. I want to stop being like that.
Life is way too short to be upset or depressed for someone who doesn’t want you in his life. We have to try really hard but I believe we can do it!Athens
Good luck with your interview! Hope you won’t see your ex as well. But if this happens stay cool. Just say a simple ‘hi’, ‘hope you are well’ and leave the discussion first. Be strong!
hey everyone.. just need to talk to someone today. this week has been bad. i’ve missed my ex so much these few days. it’s been a month since we last messaged each other and since then she has not contacted me.. really makes me feel like she doesn’t care about me anymore and is moving on.. her last known thought about me was when she asked a mutual friend if i was ok.. but that was a month ago. i’m still on NC, but it’s killing me </3
Julia,
Thank you. Well, I didn’t saw her today. It was kind of mixed emotions with that I’m not ready of seeing her face to face but I was kinda wanted to see just a glimpse of her, funny right? Lol i get what you said there to Morvarid. I also have those thoughts, as everyday goes by my ex becomes so distant and becomes a memory to me. Its really a struggle on deciding whether to turn my back and keep moving forward or just stay and wait. only time will tell i guess. Good luck on our lives. I hope you’d still be here to give opinions and encouragement your words does really helps a lot and gives enlightenment to everyone who’s been here. I wish you well and stay strong 🙂I posted on here a couple days ago but long story short my boyfriend(20) of almost 3 years broke up with me(19) a little over 2 weeks ago. We had a really good relationship and always talked about our future together. The night before he broke up with me he told me how he couldn’t wait to finish college and move in together. So I’m left her heart broken and very confused over all of this. He left for college yesterday, which is only 40 minutes away. I feel like he felt he was going away and going to have this major life change and he needed to “disconnect” in a way. We talked a few days after we broke up and pretty much said it’s best if we give each other some space considering we have been together since I was 16. The conversation went great but we didn’t really talk about getting back together… We kind of just said goodbye, good luck, etc. I found out about this 30 day NC and I am now on day 13. I have a little urge to text him but for the most part I’m doing a lot better than expected. I’m trying to really focus on myself, exercise, eat healthy and to just love myself. I don’t want false hope that we will get back together because I don’t want to end up more hurt. But I do keep checking up on all his social media. I even log in to his Facebook and Instagram to see if he’s talking to people or liking any pictures. But nothing!!! He’s tweeted a few times on twitter but it was sports related (when we were together he always tweeted things). He doesn’t like any pictures on Instagram which is a little weird to me. I had jaw surgery 3 months ago and I made an Instagram to document it. I posted a picture yesterday and he liked it! Which was weird since he hasn’t liked any pictures at all. Also 9 days after he broke up with me, it was my birthday and I posted a picture and he liked it. I don’t know, I feel like I might be looking into it too much but I’m SO confused.
-Danielleilmmta (Danielle)
I think you’re going about it the right way. Keep it up. I read into everything. Which makes NC tough for me. lol Try not to read into it. Look at it in the most obvious way: He cares.
LA,
Thank you for the support and your kind words. Means a lot to me.
I just feel I need to move on for real and not just for the sake of a ‘plan’. If someday he decides to contact me or want us to get back together then he will have to try really hard. And frankly I don’t know if that would be enough.
There is a long road ahead of me but I will manage. Eventually.Thank you so much!
Julia,
You’re officially on the same level as I! We are here for you every step of the way. Yes I believe what you said. In my case no matter how angry I am at my ex for doing what she’s doing, I still care for her. However, those special feelings I had for her have died. So if a miracle happened and we had a chance to get back together, it would difficult.
Nonetheless, no more hope for us like you said. We now focus on ourselves and recover fully from our experience.
Love you attitude, it’s contagious. This will be a good month for us, I know it!
Ilmmta,
You have the right attitude. From my point of view, you have a good chance. But don’t let this get to your head (don’t mean to be so blunt) keep working on yourself. NC is for you. I also suggest for you to stop looking him up through fb twitter and IG.
This can hold your progress back. I know you’ve only found good thing so far but what if you find out something not so pleasant. Are you ready for that? Also regardless of his activity, it will always remind you of him since you’re seeing all his new pictures.
Sign up for Kevin’s step 5 email series if you haven’t yet.
Good luck to you
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