Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
One question: when you were together, did he communicate via taxt, or was he more regularly calling you? It might just be that he prefers texts to actual calls? In which case I wouldn’t read too much (negative) into the fact that he’s only texting and not calling.
It’s great that he remembered your birthday and wished you for that – I’m wishing you too! – and I hope that made you feel a bit happy?Hi Pixie25 it’s nice to hear from you though I’m very sorry that your situation is so difficult and toxic, to use your word. I so wish I could help. The only thing i can say is that – without knowing your ex at all – it does sound like he is interested, or at least thinking anbout it, and confused in his mind about what he wants. It is an encouraging sign that he texts you, and flirts with you. But I dont know him at all. It would be terrible if he were just doing that to play with you, or to feel better about himself. I really hope for your sake that that’s not the case. If it is, then he is NOT worth it, girl, he really isn’t. It’s a terrible thing to do to someone, to give them false hope when you know they care for you. But, if it’s actually true that he is confused and unsure of his feelings – and I hope that is the case – then I think it would be best for you to step back, and stop texting, and not initiate anything for now. Let him know that you’d like to meet when he’s ready, and leave it at that. NO MORE texts. Then, when you actually meet – and I hope that will be soon – follow Kevin’s plan. Check back in here for support and encouragement!
And be strong, and don’t reach out to him again. Maybe this is all a good sign!
Maybe you will be able to get him back/ Or maybe, even better, through all this pain and ups and downs, you will come to the conclusion, on your own, that he’s not worth it/amnd you will walk away from him, not because that’s the way to “get him back”, but because you really want to. No one can predict that. But for now, stay true to your instincts, and step away.
As for me, no updates since I last wrote: I replied to him, and we exchanged two emails (each), and he hasn’t responded to mine. But I don’t want him back. I love him dearly, and I think about him all the time, but I will not let myself run after him again. But in my case, in many ways, it is so impossible anyway: he lives half way across the world. So , even if he wanted to, and I know he doesn’t, there is no hope, I don’t think, for us.
Keep writing here Picie25 if it helps you and I’ll be thinking of you and hoping for the best of all possible outcomes for you!Confused Girl, since you’ve already told him you want to talk to him, let him call you. DONT contact him again, and if he just sends texts don’t respond. I’d suggest you keep NC for at least 30 straight days, unless he overtly contacts you (by phone or in person, not by text message). Good luck, and be strong, and I’m so sorry for the loss of your grandparent.
Hi Ghost yes he really did write – twice !!! – a really nice, sweet, friendly email, in which he mainly apologized for not having been in touch for so long; and telling me how he is doing, and asking about me. I feel really happy that he wrote. I did respond to both emails. But with no intention at all of playing any games and trying to get him back. I don’t want him back; he doesn’t want me, and I don’t want to be with anyone who doesn’t want me. I’m happy he wrote, but only because we had been friends before we were together and I was devastated and the long silence. If he never writes again, I’ll be fine with that; if he does write again, I’ll be very happy with that too. But it needed two months of pain and suffering – and reading and posting here – for me to realize that I’m better off without him. We are all better off without our exes.
How are you doing, ghost?Wonderful news, TravelBug (about dating a new guy) and I’m so glad he’s sweet and good to you. Take it slowly; be careful with your emotions as you’ve been through a lot these past few weeks and months; but have fun! And keep us posted. I’m so glad you’ve realized your ex wouldn’t have given you the kind of life you wanted. It’s important to keep that in mind, if you ever find your thoughts turning back to him. Just remember that, and remember that you deserve better – and hopefully you’ve found that in the new guy. I’m going to keep all your words in my mind too, and try to live every day now looking to the future with hope and happiness. I’m very grateful that my ex wrote to me, because it was a very sweet and nice email, but I’m absolutely sure now that the break up was for the best, and that I have a whole life ahead of me, without him.
Hi Travel Bug, just wondering how you’re doing. I’ve been thinking of you and sending you positive thoughts. You must be done with a full month of NC now. I hope you will keep it up, and never break it, ever! I hope you had a fabulous date the other night, and I hope you’ll soon find someone who appreciates you and loves you and respects you (and I hope you’ll feel the same about him). And if not, I hope you’ll enjoy the single care free life. I know I’m going to do that now, and for the first time in a long time I feel genuinely happy to wake up every day and face the world. I wrote an update on my situation in my original post, but I just wanted to write here to check in on you, and to tell you how grateful I am to you for all your kind and wise words and support to me. I hope I can repay it somehow by sending you good wishes, across the oceans!
I hope that your anger and hurt will pass quickly, and that your ex will soon stop being an emotional burden on you.
Keep us updated, and if you don;t post here any more, I’ll hope it is because you have properly MOVED ON, and need no more encouragement from us! Which will be wonderful….Dear Pixie25, how are you doing? I HOPE you will not contact your ex again, and I hope you’re feeling stronger and better every day. I’m SO glad you feel bored and sick and tired of feeling as you have done for the last seven months. I DO TOO!!! And this is the best sign that you’re ready to move on, and to leave you ex behind. I’m very glad to be back in touch with my ex myself (I wrote an update on my original post) but only because he wrote nicely, and apologized for having been out of touch for so long. I DO NOT WANT HIM back, on any account, and I consider it a personal victory of sorts that I really genuinely feel that. I’m very happy to be single and free now. And if, somewhere down the line, I meet someone else wonderful and special, then I’ll be happy too. But every option is better than what i’ve had for the last seven months, which is pining after a man who does not love me or value me the way I loved and valued him. I deserve better, and so do you , Pixie 25. Even if he does write to you now, don’t respond till you feel like you don’t care. Really. And reach out here if you need to feel some support and solidarity. I’m thinking of you, and hoping you can turn the corner soon, if you haven’t already. I have, and it feels wonderful. A weight off my back. NO MORE TEARS!
Dear friends, I just wanted to write an update in case any of you might be curious. I went back to the city where I used to live for a week – as per what i’ve written above – and the Big News is that my ex wrote to me, just before I was to arrive, the sweetest, nicest email!!!!! I can’t really believe he wrote, but he did, and he apologized for having been out of touch for so long, and also apologized that he wouldn;t be in town during my visit. He thanked me for the presents I’d given him before I’d left (two months ago) and also apologized – which was very important for me – for the long time it took for him to acknowledge it. I was so happy to hear from him and so grateful for all he wrote. My week long visit there was good, and i was genuinely happy to be there, and didn’t mind at all that he wasn’t there; in fact, I was glad he wasn’t, so that i could enjoy myself with my old friends. I had a wonderful time, and knowing that so many of you had wished me well, and were thinking of me, and sending me positive vibes, made a huge difference. Now I’m back in my new home, and my ex has just sent me a follow up email, asking how my trip went, and generally just being nice. I will respond in a few days. To be clear: I have no desire to “get him back”, and no plans of playing any games or anything like that. I’m just happy he wrote, because it had made me so miserable, the thought that he thought nothing of me, and didn’t even care enough to write to thank me. Now that he has done that, I feel at peace, and able to “move on”. But in many ways I have been “moving on” for weeks and months, and thanks to all your encouragement – special thanks to Travel Bug – I’ve been able to see, with clarity, why I should never even wish to be with him again. TravelBug, I don’t think you’re reading here any more, but if you are, I hope you’re doing well (I will write on your post as well), and I hope you know how grateful I am to you for all your wise words and kind thoughts. Pixie25, thanks to you too. I’m so grateful to all of you. And I want you to know that I’m happy, and well, and positively moving forward, with a new chapter of my new life. For all you sad heartbroken people out there: DONT try to “get your ex back”; it’s a losing game. You deserve better; we all do. If he/she wants you, let him come after you. Don’t chase anyone who has rejected you. Love should not be that complicated. And we are all better off alone, than running (or, worse, being with) after someone who doesn’t appreciate us.
I spoke to a good friend of mine today, who is also a very good friend of my ex’s. I reached out to the friend to tell him I’ll be back in town for a week, and I asked him if he’d heard from my ex at all. At first my friend was unwilling to talk about the ex, but then, when I begged him, he said that yes he’s in regular touch with him, and he (the friend) had asked him (my ex) about why he’d left me. Apparently my ex told him (friend) what I’ve known now intuitively for months: he didn’t care for me as much as I cared for him; he feels bad about it; but he can’t help it, and he doesn;t control his feelings.
When my friend pressed him more he (ex) got angry and defensive. Since then, the friend has not mentioned me again
I’m very grateful that my friend told me this, and I’m very grateful for his friendship. Now I’m going to go and cry my eyes out, again.
ndubc I’m sorry to hear that it was so difficult for you. But I’m glad you went on the trip anyway, and with time you’ll maybe come to see it as a special trip in it’s own right, one in which you wrestled with your heartbreak and didn’t allow it to completely get in the way of your having fun. You’re winning, because you had the courage to go on the trip, without your ex, knowing full well that it would dredge up old memories. This means that you’re a strong person, and you will keep getting stronger by the day. I’m rooting for you. You’ll get through the next 15 days!
Friends, I’m leaving tomorrow to go back to his town for a week for an interview. I haven’t heard from him in response to my two previous emails asking if he’d like to meet while I’m there. I know now that I’ll never hear from him again, and that he doesn’t care for me. I was so hoping to see him this week. I feel shattered and defeated by his silence. But in a way the message he’s sending is loud and clear. He doesn’t want to see me, he doesnt want to hear from me, he doesn’t want to be in email contact with me.
It is so hard, it is really hard. I should be focusing on my interview and preparing for the tough week ahead but all I can do is sob my eyes out. I just really loved him, and really wanted to spend my life with him. I know now that he didn’t feel that way about me. He told me as much. He was honest with me, and after the break up, his behaviour towards me was correct and honourable: he never led me on, he didnt give me any mixed signals, he was clear that he didn’t like me the way I liked him and that’s why he broke up with me. What can I do, but accept and try to bear it as best I can, and hope that with time the pain will lessen?
It’s been seven months since we broke up. The pain is as strong today as it was right after the break up – even stronger, actually, because then I had hope, and was thinking he’d come back to me; now I know he never will.
I did almost two months of NC. I sent the friendly letter as Kevin advises us to do. I tried. It just hurts so much that despite all that trying, I still can’t get him back. It’s just not meant to be, and i know I have to move on, and I will move on, and I’m grateful to all of you for all your good wishes and advice. I wish I could be stronger than I am.Hang in there, Travel Bug. Be strong and positive. You’ve helped me so much with all you’ve written, and I’ve tried to follow your advice. It is hard, but you will get through this. Keep going. Dont break NC. Don’t feel alone. We’re all in this together. Hugs.
My situation still utterly and absolutely hopeless. Broke NC again 6 days ago, sent a very short email, even shorter than the previous one, didn’t mention anything about my coming to town in a few weeks (since he already knows that from my previous email). Kept it cheerful and brief. It’s been six days. No response from him. Which means that he hasn’t contacted me or reached out to me in any way at all since I last saw him 75 days ago. And even that meeting was at my initiation.
What else can I do but give up? It breaks my heart to think that, but there’s nothing I can do now but accept that I will never see him or hear from him again, that he doesn’t care at all about me, and doesn’t want to have anything to do with me, ever again. It hurts.
I will be in his town in two weeks. I will not contact him. I will be strong and remember what Kevin says – and what TravelBug says above – that I don’t need him in my life, and that I’m happy and living a fulfilled and complete life without him.How are you doing pixie25? Are you back on NC? Or did he reach out to you? I hope, whatever the case, that you are doing well and being strong. Good luck!
Hope you’re doing well TravelBug. Thank you again for all your good advice and wisdom. I hope you remain in your “good emotional space” and keep your NC forever. I hope I can manage to do the same. You’re absolutely right that there’s no point in wasting your time and life waiting for someone who doesn’t want you (or me), and that’s the right attitude to have. I’ve been trying to be as good and strong and positive as you.
