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I’m unsure of what made her changed her mind but the fact that she has a new boyfriend shortly after the breakup and that you still want to have contact with her, worries me. I think that of you do contact her, it should only be to get your things back I would recommend you ask her to send them to you and keep the conversation at that. Regardless of what could’ve happened or the memories you two share she has asked that you stop talking to each other, I would speak highly of you if you respected that. I understand that is hard and it is emotionally painful to you but realize that this is what she wants. Please be strong, focus on yourself. Good luck!
I doubt it but honestly it really doesn’t matter. Don’t obsess over it it wont help. keep up the good work!
I think both of you guys should go into a strict no contact period for 30-45 days. YOU both need to stop the contact with your exes and gain new perspective. STOP the toxicity!GOOD LUCK
@Patricia12 I followed your advice and told him, I stayed away from compliments and said: “I need to let you know that I don’t think we are compatible plus I do lack time to spend dating. I know there is someone out there waiting for you but I am not that person. I wish you good luck with everything.” to what he replied thanking me for my honesty and that was the end of it. Thankfully class also got cancelled today so hopefully by next week it will be a buried topic.
I think you are doing a fantastic job!By all means stay away from pushing or texting too much. The phrase that helped me get through things was the following: “if they miss you the way you want them to miss you, they will initiate contact” Think about it whenever you feel like giving up, remember that she also needs to be willing to come back.
Im happy to hear that you are alright! PLS reach out if anything! Stay strong!Thank you Patricia! I was concerned that maybe I was exaggerating and wanted a second opinion. Earlier today we texted and then I didn’t reply cause there was nothing to reply to, that was three hours ago and he has texted me and sent me something through snapchat I haven’t opened either, since we had only not texted for three hours and this is just too much for me to like… he is acting like we are in a relationship and we’ve really only been on one date.. like I understand there shouldn’t be like a break up per se, but I thought he would get the hint since I barely engage on conversations with him… Im not sure how to proceed…
Good for youuu!!!!!! wait the 5 days and text her something casual… maybe even about that show! keep it short and simple!
Proceed with CAUTION.
That’s funny NOT because of your situation but because I used to think exactly like you do no contact then do something nice or shoot him a text and everything would go back to normal and you may want to try that but honestly take the no contact time to work on yourself and be by yourself, don’t think about the things you want to do for them to come back, rather think about the thing you need to do to become a better person but do it for yourself NOT for them. I would say try harder to work out at another time since Im pretty sure that seeing your ex breaks no contact (even stalking them on social media, and im guilty of this last one). Make her be curious as to what has happened with you the time she hasn’t seen you or heard from you, block her everywhere or at least mute her everywhere so that you don’t see any notifications, I also would say do this for a 1.5 months and then reach out with a casual text, save the flowers for another time.
@Patricia12 & @leidy1000 Thank you guys so much for all your advice.
On another subject, I recently asked a guy from class out (First time asking anyone out), I thought it was going to be a casual date getting to know each other, however I spotted a few red flags that made me want to get up an leave… I wanted your opinion on whether or not I should just tell him no thanks and move on or give him a second date and see how he acted.
The following are the things that threw me off:
1. I colloquially said I hated something NOT someone and he said that HATE is too a strong of a word to use.
2. He graduates this semester and is planning a trip and I said that he should definitely do it to what his response was invite me… i felt like running for the hills…lol
3. He said that he hasn’t dated anyone seriously since high school but he is now 26, and assuming he graduated high school at 18 that means he has being single for 8/9 years and hasn’t had an adult relationship.
4. He texts me wayyyy too much meaning that if I for any reason have not replied to his texts he would try to get me to talk to him by sending me pics/vids through snapchat. (KEEP in mind I have two jobs and take 5 classes). He is a little pushy, and has texted telling me that he could come over to my apt and bring dinner, now the first time it happened I said I had hw to do but Im obviously trying to avoid his coming over and he tried it again 3 days after… what leads me to believe that he doesn’t get that he is not invited over.
5. He is overly optimistic and to me it seems kind of fake. This guy also lacks ambition like I feel like I’m fighting all odds to get to where I want to be and he is kind of whatever.
He honestly is nice to talk to and very sweet and I was attracted to him because of what he projects in class (we are even in the same group/committee; but because of what I have mentioned, I feel like this could probably lead to a toxic relationship. I also did ask him out so Im afraid that he’d feel like I have being leading him on; however my texts to him are usually short and and pretty dry.I also don’t want to make it awkward since we are in the same group and have to work together till the end of the semester in December.Thanks for your time!
@Patricia I hope all is going well for you. i meant that they were casual dates lol, also my dad has a date for surgery already!
I was in the same boat, my ex’s birthday fell during the nc period, i would recommend NOT to say anything, which is what i did I kept busy the whole day. i read in an article that if they kiss you the way you want them to miss you they’d reach out and have kept that in mind every time I’m tempted to talk to him.good luck!
UPDATE: So it’s being about four months from the break up, I started school and got a part time on top of my full time job, I have kept pretty busy. Went on a few dates, met guys I liked and enjoyed their presence as much as i could (i really liked two guys that aren’t from here and have left to their countries). I haven’t being taking myslef too seriously but Im rather focused on school and work, I have a date this coming Friday with a guy from class. My ex, in fact, started dating someone very shortly after our breakup and has posted pictures of them, in all honesty she seems to be better suited for him anyways and is definitely someone his parents will approve of. On the other hand, I have learned to enjoy being alone (although, im usually always busy) and I can recognize my mistakes and the fact that I’m definitely not ready to be serious with anyone and perhaps this has been true for a while but I denied it. Thank you for all your support, will post another update in a few months. Xoxo.
I say go NC, and although I get why you would want to text and wish a happy birthday I would say stay silent. where we go wrong is when we think the opposite of love is hate. the opposite of love is indifference. Go no contact and spend time with yourself, family and friends. Spend at least a month away. STOP sending gifts altogether. Gain some perspective. I know it’s hard but it will be better once you see things from the outside. Good luck! keep us posted!
PS: if you do decide to text her on her birthday, keep it short, go straight to the point and DO NOT try to force the conversation further. She obviously wants her space.
@patricia12 & @leidy1000 yes that is correct, the first time was only a few months into dating, because he felt that I was ready to say “I love you” (and I wasn’t) and he wasn’t. So we patched things up and I explained to him that the relationship was really new and although I liked him I was no where near saying it. The second time I asked him myself to organize his thoughts and to decide what he wanted to do, we had a LDR and it was very hard because everything was great when we were together but once he got back he will go distant, we stayed together, he came for my birthday, I had a great birthday dinner with him and friends Saturday night and Sunday night before he left he broke up with me again saying that he felt weird about us and that he was not sure he could date someone of my ethnicity. After that I went NC for almost a month and when we started talking again he asked to come back to the relationship, we talked about things and agreed on doing things the right way, but he broke off about three weeks after when I started going through some hardships because according to him he wasn’t sure he was ready to get that serious. It also bothered him that I am not as crazy about working out or fit as he would like me to be, mind you I’m close 5’4 and 120lbs, and have a fairly good natural shaped body, I also eat very well but with a full time job and a being a full time student there is little to no time for the gym, there is also the fact that I don’t have a car, I do however have my own apt and have been supporting myself for a very long time, unlike him whom everything was literally handed to. Towards the end I learned that I was sort of I rebound relationship because he lied about being broken up with his ex for 6 months when in reality is was only one month but he felt that he was “out of the relationship” for that long which means that he was most likely not emotionally available to start a new relationship, regardless. The distance also played a big part of the issue. I have since my last post obsess a bit over him. I have recently downloaded a dating app, just to date casually, trying to get out there an meet new people, definitely not trying to jump into another relationship. It’s been almost two months from the breakup and about a month and a half of no contact, his birthday is coming up next month. I am currently in the process of transferring schools so hopefully that will get me a brand new circle of friends and help me further move on. I should add that it seems that he and his ex had a “good” relationship that lacked physical intimacy bc she was a Christian and when they did do the deed she would regret it , it was overall very toxic but that was never my problem. He was very sexually, kind of, frustrated when we met.
Sorry about the post not showing up earlier, also my dad seems to have cheered up and is planning to try to get surgery as soon as possible.
Thank you both for your time and advice, I am very happy I could find a space to vent and be heard. You both are all kinds of kind!!!! Thank you! I hope things are going great for you both!Hope to hear your thoughts!
