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I’m glad you blocked him! Now you won’t be obsessed looking and wondering what everything means. Sorry to hear about your father and pray he recovers soon. Continue focusing on school work and distracting your thoughts away from your ex. You say you seem not able to stop, but you can. Thoughts will pop into your mind now and then, but promptly get busy thinking about or doing something else! In time the thoughts will fade and you’ll be able to move on with confidence.
Hi JJ, Patricia has said manythings I would tell you. Your best bet is to listen to her. 2 break ups in 7 months is way too much. It doesn’t matter if it were two years in between break ups. He has done it twice. It’s over. Do not think the reconciliation will bring you happiness because it won’t. He will do it again. And trust me if he finds something better he will leave you forever. You make excuses that it was because of differences. He did it because you guys are not a match and will never be. There is someone else out there that is your match and you are not with him because you want to be wasting time.
You are worth more than this. Trust me. Keep your dignity because it’s the only thing you have left. Don’t lose that too. You will be happy again. Find your happiness alone first and then you will see if you are ready for any relationship. Good luck! Keep us updated.
You are both right @patricia12 and @leidy1000. In all honesty this was on average a mediocre relationship but is not like i can say that I have had any one that was really worth it and while i know this is i guess a good for experience i most of the time wonder if it’s something im doing wrong but i can’t think of anything, all relationships I have put 110% from my side, expecting the other person to do the same of course and I have yet to find a person that is gonna go all in for me and it might sound crazy cause Im only 23, but I just wonder what in the world is it that Makes me look like im not long term material. Last two guys I dated basically both said I was great and deserved someone as unconditional as myself and i call bullshit on that cause who the hell wants to let go of something so great? But you know this is the kind of thing that makes me wonder what is so wrong with me?
My dad has being diagnosed with prostate cancer and this, along with some school decisions I was making were the things this guy decided to break up with me for, stating that he really didn’t want to be in such a serious relationship and it hurts me to think that if it was the other way around I would’ve stuck by him regardless of these facts.
Thank you both for your time, I really approciate both of you!
@jj2018 – Guys sometimes say “you deserve better” when they want out of a relationship to make it seem less harsh and to make themselves feel better. Actually this is the 3rd time he broke up with you, so he’s a flaky guy and you won’t ever be able to trust or feel comfortable with him. You seem like a great person and I’m sure someday you’ll find a great guy who appreciates you and loves you 110%.
I had an elderly neighbor who had prostate cancer, took medications for it, had frequent checkups and lived many many years after his diagnosis. He died at age 93 of heart failure. I hope your father was diagnosed early and has a good prognosis.
Please don’t put yourself down anymore! Always evaluate any guy you date for good morals, kindness, good character, and honesty. Common interests and goals are important too. Watch carefully how he treats others. Be careful and don’t jump into a relationship too quickly. Evaluate him over time and consider whether or not he would be good boyfriend material. For now focus on your father and school work. Wishing you the best..
Like Patricia said maybe nothing is wrong with you. Maybe you just like wrong type of men. Choose correctly next time.
I am very sorry about your father. I hope he survives this. It will be very hard for you to see him sick, but make him feel better about it. Encourage him to keep fighting for all of you. On my last break up which was 9 years ago. I had a bf who I truly loved. We were having problems so he decided only to talk in school. One day my brother fell and had to be taken to the hospital. It was a roller coster because doctors were just giving us wrong diagnosis. We didn’t know but for sure one was that my 15 year old brother was going to die. I was crying like crazy and told him searching for support. You know he said “I have a headache. I can’t hear this.” My heart broke. My now ex was the one who was by my side in that hard part of my life. Doctors caught a kidney infection and operated my brother. Thank God his alive.
Don’t lose hope! Stay strong. We are here for you.@jj2018 – Did you post an update today? Under the Reconciliation “Help!!!” it shows you made a post, but it’s not there?? If you did post something today, could you post if again?? Thank you:)
Hope all is well with you!
Patricia check your mail I guess JJ deleted the post.
JJ your ex sounds like a jerk. Im also transferring college. I wish you good luck. Im sure you will meet lots of new people there. And Im glad you downloaded a dating app. Keep your mind off your ex. Im hoping your dad is doing better.
@leidy1000 & @Patricia12 I didn’t delete it. Im not sure what happened lol, i will post ot again once i get home! You guys are great! Thanks for the support. I hope you’re both doing well.
@patricia12 & @leidy1000 yes that is correct, the first time was only a few months into dating, because he felt that I was ready to say “I love you” (and I wasn’t) and he wasn’t. So we patched things up and I explained to him that the relationship was really new and although I liked him I was no where near saying it. The second time I asked him myself to organize his thoughts and to decide what he wanted to do, we had a LDR and it was very hard because everything was great when we were together but once he got back he will go distant, we stayed together, he came for my birthday, I had a great birthday dinner with him and friends Saturday night and Sunday night before he left he broke up with me again saying that he felt weird about us and that he was not sure he could date someone of my ethnicity. After that I went NC for almost a month and when we started talking again he asked to come back to the relationship, we talked about things and agreed on doing things the right way, but he broke off about three weeks after when I started going through some hardships because according to him he wasn’t sure he was ready to get that serious. It also bothered him that I am not as crazy about working out or fit as he would like me to be, mind you I’m close 5’4 and 120lbs, and have a fairly good natural shaped body, I also eat very well but with a full time job and a being a full time student there is little to no time for the gym, there is also the fact that I don’t have a car, I do however have my own apt and have been supporting myself for a very long time, unlike him whom everything was literally handed to. Towards the end I learned that I was sort of I rebound relationship because he lied about being broken up with his ex for 6 months when in reality is was only one month but he felt that he was “out of the relationship” for that long which means that he was most likely not emotionally available to start a new relationship, regardless. The distance also played a big part of the issue. I have since my last post obsess a bit over him. I have recently downloaded a dating app, just to date casually, trying to get out there an meet new people, definitely not trying to jump into another relationship. It’s been almost two months from the breakup and about a month and a half of no contact, his birthday is coming up next month. I am currently in the process of transferring schools so hopefully that will get me a brand new circle of friends and help me further move on. I should add that it seems that he and his ex had a “good” relationship that lacked physical intimacy bc she was a Christian and when they did do the deed she would regret it , it was overall very toxic but that was never my problem. He was very sexually, kind of, frustrated when we met.
Sorry about the post not showing up earlier, also my dad seems to have cheered up and is planning to try to get surgery as soon as possible.
Thank you both for your time and advice, I am very happy I could find a space to vent and be heard. You both are all kinds of kind!!!! Thank you! I hope things are going great for you both!Hope to hear your thoughts!
@jj2018 – Thanks for posting again. Glad to hear your father is feeling better and pray his upcoming surgery will be successful. Please try not to obsess over your ex, rather immediately divert your thoughts and attention to something else. This will help stop you from dwelling on the past. Good to hear you’re starting at a new school and will be making new friends. Continue no contact and DO NOT contact him on his birthday! Don’t allow yourself to get pulled back into talking with him because I think we both know he would eventually find another excuse to turn his back on you. Glad to hear you signed up to a dating app and will be dating again. Be sure to carefully look for red flags as you date others. If your intuition tells you it’s not a good match, stop dating that particular guy. I’m sure you will be happier in the long run when you find a nice guy who cares deeply for you and with whom you have things in common. Look for admirable qualities such as even temperament, kindness, honesty etc.. Wishing you the best of everything!
UPDATE: So it’s being about four months from the break up, I started school and got a part time on top of my full time job, I have kept pretty busy. Went on a few dates, met guys I liked and enjoyed their presence as much as i could (i really liked two guys that aren’t from here and have left to their countries). I haven’t being taking myslef too seriously but Im rather focused on school and work, I have a date this coming Friday with a guy from class. My ex, in fact, started dating someone very shortly after our breakup and has posted pictures of them, in all honesty she seems to be better suited for him anyways and is definitely someone his parents will approve of. On the other hand, I have learned to enjoy being alone (although, im usually always busy) and I can recognize my mistakes and the fact that I’m definitely not ready to be serious with anyone and perhaps this has been true for a while but I denied it. Thank you for all your support, will post another update in a few months. Xoxo.
I’m so glad you’re doing well and keeping busy, but hope you’re not too exhausted from the jobs. Focus on school and getting good grades:) Dating guys who are long distant is not a good idea.
Have fun on your date!
@Patricia I hope all is going well for you. i meant that they were casual dates lol, also my dad has a date for surgery already!
@jj2018 – My best wishes for your father’s upcoming surgery and a speedy recovery:)
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